Oracle
376 oracle items tagged as team oracle
May 23, 2014 / submitted by Daisy, Indonesia
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #169
I'm so sad, very sad. What do you feel when somebody look down on you just because you never had boyfriend. Now you are 23 years old. They asked when will you get married, and I answered I don't know and they insist to get the answer. I have not thinking about marriage and more. I don't care but I feel so sad.

Are you sad because you're single or sad because of the way people treat you being single? If it's the former, don't worry. Love will come but it doesn't matter whether that's at 23, 33 or 83 - if you're happy. You don't need to be in a relationship to have a wonderful life.
If it's the latter, don't worry. What's it got to do with anyone else? NOTHING! People do expect people to couple off and put pressure on anyone not doing that. When you're in a relationship they ask when you're getting married. When you're married they ask when you're having children. It's intrusive and nobody's business but yours.
You answer "I don't know" and you don't, so what else are you supposed to say? NOTHING!
You don't have a crystal ball so it's an impossible question to answer however, as people are making you sad, maybe you could add that their questioning makes you uncomfortable and you'd prefer them not to ask. Or simply ignore them!
It's your life, live it your way and take things at your pace regardless of people's expectations and questions.
Over to you.

I'm only 17 but I surely can give you an advise. My friends also has the same problem as you but on a different situation. They're still young and still on their college years like me. But one thing I tell them every time they nag me about having a boyfriend. I just tell them to "Let love find you." I find this appropriate to you because you don't need to rush things because you know rushing just leads to heartbreak and mistakes in life. So yeah just tell 'them' you haven't found your true love yet and he will come soon. Very soon.
Princess, Philippines.


Tell them you don't know when you'll get married. When will we get married is our destiny and no one knows anyone's destiny. But believe that you will get married someday because everyone will meet their partner of life even if it feels like forever and remember that everyone's is unique and important in their own way. Khansa.

I lived in Indonesia for 10 years, and understand how difficult it can be for Indonesian women who feel pressured with the social and cultural expectations on marriage. Only you know what is truly best for you, Daisy. Your feelings and opinions may differ from family and friends, yet it is "sancta penting" that you believe in your own decisions and do what you know reflects your truth. Percaya diri sendiri, saying. Nothing true and lasting can be forced. Know that you have support. Alia I. from Oregon, U.S.

I know in your culture getting married is more important then in mine. But what I also know is that everyone should marry when he/she is ready, not earlier. It's your marriage and your life, after all. Your friends/family should respect that.
Isabelle.

I'm from Indonesia too! *waves at you*
I think you shouldn't be worry about you being single. I had been in relationship once, and it was good, but it wasn't as good as being single. Actually, you can do more when you're single than when you're in relationship. You wanna know the perks of being single?
1. It is a great time to do your hobby explore your passion.
2. You can save more money. Believe me, dating costs a lot of money that should've been spent on our favourite things, such as a nice backless dress, a John Green novel, or even a Coldplay vinyl album!
3. We have more time on our beloved family and friends.
4. No boundaries and limitation.
5. You can focus more on your education and career.
6. And most importantly, you have more time for you to love yourself and know yourself more, because you can't love someone else before you can love yourself.

There's a quote I remember, "Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely." So, don't listen to those who look down on you, just enjoy when you're still single. The right person will come on the right time.
Love, Ira.


I know how it feels, but let me tell you this: we all have our own way to fall in love, I mean, there isn't any rule on love. If your first love is at the age of 40, who cares? The idea of having a boyfriend at a young age is just an idea society has, because, seriously, who wrote rules on love? who said you have to get a boyfriend at an early age? NOBODY, absolutely nobody. Some people may have their first love at the age of 13, others at the age of 20; we are all different, and we all have our ways to live life. Some may think it is not okay, some may think it is, but hey, you live your life for you, not for others. Let love come, don't make it come. The wait, is worthless.
Sofia, Argentina.

Don't be sad, You're ONLY 23 years old and when you meet Mr. Right, you'll have the rest of your lifetime to be a married couple. Besides there's nothing wrong with being single either. There'll always be people that talk down to you for one reason or another, but please don't listen to them, be yourself and live your life at your own pace. Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet or maybe you you prefer to stay single for the rest of your life. Everything is possible just as long as you are happy! Good luck. Amanda.

The world is full of people, and they all need love. You may love them all. Just and some action to your love and you will be amazed. It is in giving we find joy. Britta.

No wonder you are sad. You are misunderstood. No one has the right to judge or condemn you. You are not a criminal! You may be a shy person. You are an honest person. You may be a meek person. There is nothing wrong with you! Is there a law in Indonesia that obligates you to marriage? There are economic and financial realities that impose the necessity to making a family, because it is hard to support yourself alone. Maybe they are looking down on you because they don't want to support you forever. Every generation has a maiden Auntie who is never courted, who never marries, who never leaves her father's house. She serves her father and her elders; she helps with her nieces and nephews. She has self respect; she deserves a place in this world. Some of them tell their father; "Use my dowry, or the funds that will not be spent for I will not have a wedding, and invest in my education so I may have a career and contribute to my father's house." Your depression is serious and you must get turned toward living happily. Ishtar.

I think Daisy shouldn't think too much about what other people said. She can have her own opinions and people must respect her for that. And also I think not having any boyfriends when you're 23 years old is a bad thing, I mean there's so much things in life you can look forward to! Your source of happiness is not from what people told you to do or what they think of you. So I suggest for Daisy to just hold her head up high and put a smile on! Hope everything's alright.
Syifa, Indonesia.

Societal and cultural pressures can present many challenges for women in any country especially when marriage is intertwined with inheritance, family assignment, and value which is amplified as we age. You are at an age where external voices will affect the self-reflection of yourself no matter what the issues are, but this will dissipate as you get older if you learn to listen to what you want and need.
You could succumb to the external pressures, get married, and expose yourself to a live-time of unhappiness or abuse. However, if the external disapproval is the worst harm as a result of not getting married - I say wait.
I just turned 40 years old in March, and I have never married. I have friends on their second and third divorces, and they have the nerve to ask me whats wrong with me. I am waiting for that person that makes me feel like I don't want to run in the other direction. We all deserve to be in love and give love unconditionally at least once in our lives. Be Well, Daisy. DH.


Life has been socially designed so that individuals get married and procreate, and if somebody doesn't, it is seen as something unexpected or unusual. We, human beings, are without a doubt animals which seek survival like any other animal, and that's why our instinct tells us to pair up with another human being. However, thanks to discoveries made in the medical field, for example, the planet has now been overpopulated. Moreover, couples break up every day. As a consequence, my personal belief is that: as I have been born, and as I exist, I wish to bring happiness to this world, I wish to heal people's wounds, I want my life to be significant to others, not only to myself. I am a 21 year-old girl from Argentina who isn't very keen on marriage, at least not at the moment. Only God knows what will happen in the future. As cultures in our respective countries may be different, in Argentina there's no hurry to get married at a young age, so I don't feel pressured to "take action". To sum up, is it that important to get married and procreate? I don't think so, I think that it is important to contribute to this world ANYWAY, by being a good person. I recommend you to search on YouTube a Nigerian female writer called Chimamanda Gnozi Adichie, she's my role model, and in one of her speeches she mentions her opinion on marriage. Much love, Caro.

First of all, the only right time to start dating is the time that you want to start dating; no one can decide that for you. When you feel comfortable and ready to have a boyfriend, it will not matter at all that you are new to the dating scene. If you decide you never want to start dating, that's great too. It all comes down to what you feel comfortable with.
However, I don't want to simply give you the obvious "you'll find someone!" pep talk, because this issue seems to go deeper than that. If marriage is something you are not thinking about at all, try your best not to let other people bring you down with their negativity, and outright nosiness. How you handle your personal life is no one's business except for yours. If this person continues pestering you about the issue, try answering something along the lines of, "I don't know when I'm getting married, but I'm not worried; I'm happy with the way things are going for me right now." If this doesn't work, you can always go with the traditional "butt out!"
In general, try not to worry too much about the future, because what will happen is going to happen whether you torture yourself over it or not. Just enjoy the ride while you're on it and ignore anyone who tries to put their own obstacles in your way.
Rose (NY, USA).


I am also single and close to your age. At 21, people expect that I have been in relationships by this point, and are confused and sometimes combative when I tell them that marriage and children are simply not in the cards for me. People are going to ask why, and going to try to force answers from you, but this is what you must remember: your relationship status in no way affects your value as a person. The things that make you whole, and human, are your passions, your intelligence, and your ambitions, and these things do not have to include marriage. Your dreams are entirely your own to create and build and grow, and if there comes a time where another person is worthy of altering these plans to fit into your life, then that's wonderful, but if that time does not come, it does not make you a lesser person. Daisy, you are strong and beautiful and worthy of compassion exactly the way that you are. So next time someone asks you why you don't plan to be married anytime soon, you should ask them why you ought to be. There is no good reason for that question, and perhaps you can help the people asking it to reshape their perspectives.
With love from the United States, Melaney.

I've gone through the same situation with my family until I was 18. Maybe my relatives/friends didn't insist as much as yours do, but I felt all their expectations over me until I found my first boyfriend. He was perfect for them, exactly everything they desired for me, but I didn't like him: I wanted so badly to get rid of their expectations that I was dating someone I didn't like. I left him because I wasn't able to play that role, and 5 years have passed before I met my present boyfriend, whom I LOVE and CHOSE. The point is that, after trying to support my relatives' desires, I realized I couldn't sacrifice my happiness - and a boy's happiness - because my family couldn't understand I need my time! I was happy as well during those 5 years and I learnt that I can manage my life without a man beside me.
I know it's hard but don't give up fighting for your right to choose when and who to date, because it influences your whole life! Search for the company of those who can understand your feelings and find strength in their support, it will help you through this. And without even realizing it, you'll show to those who want you married with children that you can be happy in a different way.
Hold on! A big big hug! Giulia.

Often people look at marriage or being in a relationship as a status symbol. We should not believe this or give into pressure from others. Rushing into relationships is harmful to both us and our partners. There is plenty of time and Daisy, you are still very young.
There are many advantages to being single. It allows you the time and space you need to become a complete and happy person by focusing on your own interests and needs. You will also better understand what to look for in a partner when you have a fuller understanding of yourself. When you are ready to open your heart to someone, the opportunity will present itself. Until then, do what makes you happy. Continue to grow and learn about yourself. Be honest and true to yourself. Find ways to help others in need. In doing this, you will send out positive energy and attract the right kind of people to you. Being single or alone is not the same as being lonely. What other people feel they need is not necessarily what you need to be happy. Love is all around us every day. Take a deep breath, breathe it in, and take your time. You'll be glad you did. Tracey.


I am unclear as to whether you are sad because you don't have a boyfriend or just sad because people keep asking and making you feel sad about it. Since you stated that you don't care, I am assuming it's the latter.
If that is the case then know that there is nothing wrong with you just because you have not had a boyfriend. It is perfectly ok to be alone. Learn to be happy independently and then if you find someone you like then they can become part of your life and not become your whole life.
Wouldn't you rather be alone than be in a relationship, just to have a boyfriend, or to make other people happy?
Live your life on your own terms, because it's your life - not theirs.
Be well. Dawn.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



May 23, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 29 May.

I have had an absolutely wonderful experience sending in answers for Team Oracle, and it's something that I am very thankful to have been a part of, but now I come to you with a problem that has really affected my life. Back in December of 2013, I told my best friend that I was in love with her, because she was dating my other best friend. He was present when I told her.
You see, I told them because I had been hiding these feelings for two years, which had put me in a deep depression, and it hurt them seeing me like that, and I didn't want my problems to get in their way, so I had to tell them to fly on without me.

It's been six months since that happened, and so much has changed in my life leaving me at the lowest I've ever been. I took the previous semester off from school to try and get myself where I need to be, and I cannot fix things with my friends.
She refuses to speak to me, and I can't look him in the eye knowing I hurt her. They have written me out of their lives.
I thought I was ready to move on, but now as I'm getting ready to move back out and back to school, I've fallen apart completely. I've lost all of the confidence I've had to build up in the past six months in a matter of days, I'm horribly insecure, and I'm very anxious all of the time. I hate myself for running off my best friends, and I'm afraid that if I somehow manage to find new friends, I'll run them off too.
I have absolutely no idea how to try to put things back together. Any help or insight would be extremely valuable right now. Thank you for everything. Bradley H. USA.



Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



May 22, 2014 / submitted by Kirsten, New Zealand
Q.  Hey there Oracle.

What started the Team Oracle questions? Did you decide to do it or did someone say '... you're good at giving advice, go help the fans out!'

Hope you're having a marvelous day!
(the word 'marvelous' isn't used enough these days is it...)

I was already answering questions from fans that were more on a personal level - matters of the heart etc. What I noticed was that fans would then write to me after I'd posted the reply and add their comment. I thought it would be a nice idea to once a week, open it up to everyone.
We've had 168 questions now with the first one being answered on 26 November, 2011.



May 16, 2014 / submitted by Marina, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #168
Recently I've been on the internet a lot and I saw a post about social anxiety and because I related a lot, I searched about it. I think I may have this disorder but I don't know how to tell my parents because I don't tend to tell them about my problems. I'm afraid they will think I'm exaggerating but if I don't tell them my problem will just get worse to the point that I will not longer be able to marry/socially interact and that is why I am looking for your help. What should I do? Thanks in advance.

Self-diagnosis isn't wise, Marina. It's ok to read about things and though you may recognize symptoms it doesn't mean you are suffering with that particular condition. I recommend you speak to a doctor. Once you know what you're dealing with, it may make the next step of talking with your parents easier.
I don't know how old you are so if you're an age where you can't see your doctor without a parent present, you will have to be strong & find a way to tell them of your concerns. It is a big step to ask for help but as you came to me, you've shown you can ask. Ask your parents - that's what they're there for.
There is no point suffering in silence. Write down your feelings / symptoms. Talk with your parents about how you are struggling with them. You can't know what they will say so don't be afraid of that unknown. They may be supportive. They may have questions. They may take you to the doctors. They may be reluctant. Whatever their reaction, you know if something doesn't feel right. Get to the root of the problem and seek the help you ask for.
Don't worry about social interaction or marriage - tackle the issues first and hopefully there will be a path for you that will help you overcome those issues.
Over to you.

Speaking up, taking a stand, that's a huge challenge sometimes. Maybe you can speak up to a more "neutral" person first. I'm sure there's a safe place somewhere around you, where you can share this part of you with a trustworthy listener. It might be easier to feel someone's concrete support to then talk to people more important and close to you.
Just keep in mind the very real fact that there is a solution for you. If you feel the need to share this, you will, one way or another. Ending up with no social life is only a nightmare hovering on your shoulder. It's not going to happen. Now that you're this far, you can only succeed.
Speaking up is speaking up, even if it's only to an Oracle just yet. A.R.


There was a 'phase' in my life before when I felt the same thing - like I don't want to surround myself with people. And back then, like you Marina, I never told anyone even my parents. Because I felt like it's weird and they'll never fully understand. Social anxiety is never easy to overcome - you feel like it's safer to be just by yourself. But the fact is, life is so much better when you surround yourself with people, believe me! One day, you'll find it in you to open up to people and make good friends like I did. I can't explain how I overcame that 'phase' but one thing is for sure, I did overcome it. So can you.
Whatever you're going through, it'll get better. Sounds cliche but true. Then in the future you'd be like, "Yeah, I've been through a lot but hey I'm stronger now."
Don't think too much (the more you psych yourself about it, the harder it would be).
And try to communicate with others (if you don't want to talk to your parents, talk to us).
And this is a personal advice, try to look for your own emotional outlet (example, look for a hobby; in my case, when I get lonely I try to sketch my favorite people & I listen to Coldplay.
Stay strong, Marina! People are here for you Sheena.

Before you say you have a disorder I think you should try a couple of things. My advice to you is to start focusing on you. Stop worrying about how you look on the outside. Remember that models on magazines are photo shopped and therefore we have no chance. I wish I could say I'm a super confident person, but I'm not. We all have our insecurities which are like our little secrets and if you work too hard to hide them you only attract more attention. Try joining a small club at school or at your local park you will find that we all deal with similar things. Try telling your mom. See we tend to under estimate our parents, but I have learned so much from them. Find a friend that's the outspoken one they tend to bring you out without you knowing. Be yourself. People like that, you'll be surprised.
P.S Don't worry about people judging you if one person doesn't like you there's like 7,999,999,999 that you can try but start with yourself. Yesenya.


As hard as it is, you should talk to your parents. They love you. In the event you don't feel they give you the proper support, call the Mental Health hotline for Mexico. The no. is 0180-0472-7835. Stay strong, it wont be like this forever.
Karla K. Vancouver, Canada.

Oh Marina how sad for you. Yet how common in this day and age when we all spend so much time with our heads down, nose in a screen. My 17 year old son is very similar to you, and the first thing I'd say to you is please tell your parents how you feel. I assure you they'll only want to help. My son finds it very difficult to interact with others in his peer group and spends too much time alone in his room, but we gently encourage him to come out and do 'things' with us and spend time with the few friends he does have.
As an adult who also feels insecure and shy even as a mother of 3 children, I know sometimes in life you must put on a brave face and put yourself into situations you don't feel comfortable with. In time, you will be glad you did. Is there anything you enjoy doing? Music, swimming? Anything that you can go and join in and try to be a part of. It will become easier and you will find like minded people. Just never give up.
The world isn't just full of 'out there' people who want to be in your face and shout from the rooftops. Being quiet and introvert doesn't make you any less of a person. Just a different type of person. And if the world was made up of people who were all the same - and loud - wouldn't it be a boring and noisy place?
To try to give yourself some emotional determination try watching a You Tube clip called Look Up which has had millions of hits over the past few weeks. I hope it will give you some incentive to not let life slip you by and go out there and be part of it.
Lucy, Cornwall, England.


It seems to me that you may have a case that is similar to the Medical Students' disease (and it's nothing to worry about). The Medical Students' disease says that you tend to believe you have the symptoms in which you are studying.
First, you should tell your parents about your problem in a normal manner. If they think you are exaggerating, then maybe you should go see a professional. There must be services around where you live to go and receive help. Some of these services may include: a clinical psychologist, a psychiatrist, or someone specializing in anxiety disorders.
The main thing to keep in mind is that when you go and see these professionals, it shouldn't affect you. Don't let it change who you are and make you think that you are weaker, or worry about what others might think. So many people use these services - it has become normal to go for a check up.
If you don't feel comfortable going to a specialist right away, talk to a friend or a cousin. They might be able to comfort/help you and point you in the right direction.
The main thing is to not do this on your own. You must seek help from others in any way, shape, or form whether it be a professional, a friend, or a cousin.
You'll be alright Marina!
Enjoy! Matthew.

The most important thing in about this situation is that if you feel this way, you need to tell your parents. If you treat it seriously, then they will too. Ask if they can help you to schedule an appointment to meet with a psychologist to get a diagnosis and then and only then seek treatment. As a psychology major and a personal anxiety sufferer myself, I can tell you that a lot of this is in your head and what's important is to keep cool right now and relax a bit. Everything will be all right!
Steven, USA.


I am sorry to hear that you are anxious in social situations, however, I am happy to hear that you are ready to talk to your parents about how you are feeling.
I am responding because I understand what it is like to become anxious in certain social situations, but while most people become anxious when speaking to strangers, I am most anxious when I am speaking to someone I already know.
I can tell you what has helped me the most and that is doing the very thing that I am anxious about. The more I talk to people, the better and more comfortable I feel, which makes me more confident.
I have read about people who practice role-playing as part of therapy in a controlled environment, if you are more comfortable with that. Either way, it takes a lot of practice, but it has helped me personally.
Social anxiety can be exacerbated by conditions such as communication problems like verbal processing and/or speech impediments. I also have the former and practicing speaking (which my job has forced me to do) has helped me the most.
Social anxiety can be triggered when you feel inferior to the person or people you are speaking to, which could be due to low self esteem. Practicing will help you build confidence.
As a parent, I am thrilled to hear that you willing to confide in them and ask for help.
Be well. Dawn.

I understand your position. A friend of mine had a similar situation, and I think I'll give you the same advice: visit a psychiatrist/psychologist. They did study about it.
If it is true, and you have it, that's ok. then you can tell your parents, because then it's not a thought, but a truth. If you don't have it: great. Then there's nothing to worry about.
Goodluck, Isabelle.


Just because you related to a subject, it doesn't mean you suffer any form of disorder from it. Your interest could be a form of empathy as you can see aspects of yourself in other people's stories. Rather than tell your parents that you have a disorder, talk to them about what you've read and how you've found yourself relating to it. Allowing them to take an interest in what you've been researching will make them aware of the thoughts you've been having, and will allow you to talk and discuss the issues your worried about with the people who love and created you.
The best way to overcome fears of social interaction is to head out and try new things. It sounds cliche but taking up a new sport or hobby will allow you to meet and interact with new people in new ways. Sitting on the internet and looking in to what you are worried about may only feed your anxieties. There are masses of welcoming people out there who will be patient in getting to know you and share great times with you. One of them may even become more than a friend one day.
As the boys would say: 'life is for living'.
Struan, London, United Kingdom.

I myself recently, in the past 5 years or so, have been dealing with anxiety. I know it's hard to first come out to those that you love and ask for help and support, but in the end you'll be glad you asked for help and know that you need it. Anxiety is treatable and the first step is to seek that help. Try taking up some meditation too.
Hope it goes well and thinking of you! Rosalie.


In my opinion you should tell to your parents, because sometimes we don't share our feelings but our parents have always the curiosity to know how we feel, I think that because of their experiences they can help because, you never know maybe in the past they used to have the same disorder but there was nobody to hear them. So don't be afraid, I sure you that they are disposed to give you a hand.
Maria, Guatemala.

I would say to talk to people that truly understands you first, someone that will give you a push towards the right direction. Talking to your parents, to your best friend, or to anyone that's close to you is actually a step towards breaking away from social anxiety! It helps you to interact and to talk out your problems to someone else.
Talk to a close buddy so that they would be by your side in support, so that if you were to talk to your parents, it would come out as a serious topic in which everyone would try to help you overcome this disorder. Start small, like a friend, then work up to family. I know how it feels like when family needs to be involved with our lives; they seem to not take our problems seriously and view us as children (but we are their children, so they try to care in an appearance-sense of thinking). But, if you work with a small group, people who supports you and encourages you, then you can overcome this obstacle.
I leave you with this: just because you cannot communicate with your parents doesn't mean that you can't share your problems to anyone. The world is here with open arms, and we're here to help you, and to encourage you to overcome this problem!
#YouGotThis
Lawrence.


Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



May 16, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 22 May.

I'm so sad, very sad. What do you feel when somebody look down on you just because you never had boyfriend. Now you are 23 years old. They asked when will you get married, and I answered I don't know and they insist to get the answer. I have not thinking about marriage and more. I don't care but I feel so sad. Daisy, Indonesia.

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



May 11, 2014 / submitted by Anon, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #167
I recently broke up with my ex. I can't even count the number of time we've broken up, but it was an intense, passionate, on and off for the last two years. I know why I kept going back, but I also know why I shouldn't/deserve more. How do you know when you're supposed to keep trying because that's what love is and when you're supposed to let go because love shouldn't be that difficult?

Sometimes we repeat cycles out of habit, out of love, out of fear or because we simply don't know how to break it. There are times we hope that things will change and improve. Sometimes they do but the reality is that rarely happens.
Some people say that love isn't easy but I'm with you, it shouldn't be that hard. I don't think love means you have to keep trying - sometimes it's also about knowing when to not.
I'm not saying that love doesn't require work or effort but when it's hard work and too much effort, what is the point?
If what you get back isn't near enough what you put in, you have to step back and try to look at it from a distance.
I bet if your friend was going through the same, you'd advise them to walk away. Try to take the same advice for yourself from yourself.
If you spend your time wondering how it would be if you weren't together, you probably shouldn't be together. Unless you let go of this love, you will never know if you did the right thing.
You get one life. Don't waste it.
Over to you.

I don't think there is a set standard for when to know whether it is right to let go or keep trying because I think you must search inside yourself to find that answer. Relationships are rarely close to being perfect and there will be arguments, troubles, and pain involved. However, if you find you both always understand where one another is coming from, you can get through troubles together as a team, and if the happiness you find from being with them outweighs the pain, then hang on to them. Only you can know if this is true. Close your eyes, do some deep breathing, forget all the passion and emotions going on in this very moment, and imagine life a year or so down the road without them or perhaps life as just friends... are you happier there? Or lost? Now, if you really think you deserve better like you said, then you are right. Whatever you do, don't settle for darkness that overcasts the light. Best wishes, Alex.

It's okay to love a person but love there are many difficulties, Love is not easy and is better to leave someone that you know will make you hurt. What I try to say is that a relationship is based on respect for each other but you're like two years in this situation and that's not good for you or for other person.I know it will be difficult to understand at first but in the end will achieve overcome. You deserve someone who loves you and who have passed all do not give up.
I wish you the best, Andrea.

My advice is that you fight to be with the person that love and trying to eliminate all the differences that have but but works to let it go, I have had problems similar to yours because all the girls who are interested in does not feel the same as me, and for this reason the relationships have not lasted, I would find my soul mate and feel all the intensity that feels. In short:If you believe that, you will never feel the same on the other person looking for the way to be with that person, but everything is difficult and never know if true love is easy or difficult because it depends on different circumstances. Axel, hugs from Argentina.

The fact of the matter is that you could get back together with them but you'll most likely end up breaking up again; patterns become habit, and when that happens there's really nothing you can do to stop it. You need to figure out how you truly feel about this person, if this keeps happening, most likely one or both of you has doubts about the relationship, and you should discuss this with your loved one. Whatever the outcome, it will be the best for the both of you no matter what.
"Settle for nothing less than certainty in matters of the heart." -Ichabod Crane; Sleepy Hollow. Colin.

I am not the type of person to do this sort of thing but this struck a chord in my heart. In my eyes Love is joined by Hope and Faith. Your love is the most powerful thing and if someone is blind enough to not take your gift they do not deserve your time. You are special for not giving up on love and your heart may be too big for him. Sorry if this was not what you were looking for, it is just how I feel and live your life. Drew.

Yes. Love shouldn't be difficult, love is not a guessing game that whether he/she still love me or not. Love is a thing you should ask from the bottom your heart, whether you really in love in she/he or not. If you really in love in her/him, you will never questioning yourself that should I give up or should I still go for it.
Ask your ex! What was she/he intention for breaking up with you! If she/he say its complicated and can't tell you that she/he love you deeply too, then say GOODBYE. Don't waste time on somebody that don't appreciate you. Find somebody that you both really love each other and appreciate you in every single moment of life.
Regards, Elisis.

Well, I wouldn�t say there are set rules to test whether someone is good for you or not, rather it�s the story your heart sings to you. That being said naivety is a huge vulnerable aspect in a relationship but it�s the risks that you take that weaves you closer. you really wouldn�t want to be fighting in the little time you both will have on this earth. You know, being passionate is great but it�s not the only ingredient of a relationship, you have compassion, understanding , love, trust. These maybe just words but the ability to complete them actively will make for a better and happier relationship a one worth staying for. May you find peace and bliss.
Yours sincerely, a soul that cares, Salma.


I myself hasn't been in a relationship before, but there's something I know that which is live is always full of contradiction. Live is full of hows and whys and I believe that deep inside your heart, you have made the decision on whether to keep going or let it go. You shouldn't think too much or question yourself too much, (You only live Once) just follow your intuition and enjoy your life. Zi.

I'm not a judge of love and I'm assuming you're unmarried, but in my experience the relationship you describe wasn't worth continuing. Not that it didn't have value. It will resonate in your heart forever, even when you begin to love someone new. I've been there, I know but how did I learn? When I realized I did not like who I was with him. When he no longer made time for me. When, despite my lifelong insecurities, I owned up to the fact that, yes, I did deserve more. It's one thing to be ignorant about that in a relationship - that's excusable - but when you KNOW you deserve a healthier, better commitment, well, then that's just plain foolish, isn't it? Love is compromise, teamwork, respect - a choice. Passion may fade, yet love's intensity grows. And we all need someone with whom we can trust our heart in their hands. That best person is out there for you, the passion may be different with your next love. That's the beauty of it, that each person leaves a distinct mark but it will be there. Move on! Now, if you're married, this advice would be have to be thrown into the trash bin...
Best of luck, Robin.


It's hard to know when a relationship is worth saving. You may think that you are in love with someone when in fact the person is just a familiar face that is hard to let go of. Every relationship has it's flaws, but I live by this saying: "True love is putting up with someone's flaws because somehow, they complete you." Don't save a relationship that is destined to fail, but don't give up the person who makes you happy. Love is all about give and take and only you can decide if you are putting in more than you are taking out of a relationship. If you were not truly happy in that relationship my advice would be to move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Catherine.

Love is NOT that thing you said. Love is about respect, confidence, trust, making the other person feel better with himself, wanting his/her happiness. It can be difficult! Nobody said It was easy! My bf lives in another city... It's not easy for me! But he makes me feel so well that I think it is worthy to hold on until we can live together.
I think you talk about passion, sort of addiction to that person. And that's ok! But you should keep this in mind so you won't suffer!
Believe me, there is plenty of people who would love to make you happy, even if you don't think it's possible now! Mar.


Nothing worthy would be easy and if it's easy it then it wouldn't be worthy. Keep this always on mind, specially about love. You have nothing to think about. If you have been on and off and breaking up several times but always getting back it's because something inside you tells you that beside the other person is where you belong. Love is though and even though it's supposed to be great, sometimes, it's painful, but that's not a reason to give up. If you are really and truly in love, you don't give up. If your feeling are real and that loves comes from the bottom of your heart, then, even if you want to be apart, you always end up together. That's why despite many break ups you keep getting back with each other, because if it's true, you can't help it, you can't give it up no matter how much you think it will be better for you and no matter how much you try. Eva.

Wow, heart-breaking, torn experience that can be. For me, I knew it was time to let go when the feelings of disappointment, hurt, anger, guilt, shame, etc. outweighed the times we spent in pleasant feelings. When the past couldn�t be let go cause it was still the present. When actions rarely spoke louder than words; time and time again. When we had driven down that same road one too many times! There is a difference of hard times, working together, making changes versus talking about change but not making any or just continuous, unhealthy communication.
When I said good-bye it was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I thought, I'd never again find such a love. I wondered how I would do it? I made a plan. I stuck to it. I asked friends for support. I took it day by day. Every day it got easier and life reminded be in subtle ways that I made the right decision. A year later and I am now in the healthiest, happiest, most loving and sexiest relationship I have been in all my life.
Maybe good things in life comes from hard work and patience. Not only can relationships be hard work but saying good-bye to them can be, too. And you have to have the patience to see it as for the best�but it is worth it. Doing what you know to be true in your heart, always ends up being worth it. Nina.


A relationship is a journey we travel be it with a friend or a lover, not everyone is lucky enough to meet their soul mate. It is hard to recognise this when you have become familiar with someone and feel a sense of security with. There comes a time when you have to find YOU again as you can become morphed into the person you are with and lose your own identity. Taking time aside to replenish your soul and learning to love yourself is good as without love for yourself you can't give it. We must learn from people that come into our lives and by taking a lesson from each we begin to build ourselves and our standards and morals. Once we know ourselves it is easier to get to know someone else and what we expect from them.
When you can no longer make each other happy anymore then it is time to take that time out whether temporary or permanent to reassess yourself and what you want from a relationship or indeed life.
Love isn't difficult but we just expect to get it from another person when love is in us all so if you start to love yourself and your life as an individual it opens up a whole new experience that is Love.
Once you have found this then you will attract the people that love you for who you are.
Don't be afraid of new starts think of it as a Spring clean. Angela.

To know the answer, you need to look back at your relationship very critical. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but if you have a true on/off relationship (with arguing or something like that in the 'off'-time), I say it has no sense anymore and it's better for both to break up. When your love feelings are sometimes stronger and sometimes less, that's normal. Like I already said, every relationship has its ups and downs.
One more thing: If only one of you doesn't feel in love anymore, is it important to let go. This will be very hard, but it's the best. Half love is no love. Don't worry when that happens. You will find someone else.
Isabelle.


I had been struggling too for two years just to move on from my ex.
Even after we broke up, we were still dating. How do we know if we
should keep trying or let go? For me, I'll just ask myself, is he
worth it? I thought all the good side of him and all the bad side of
him, and decided if his bad side is tolerable or not. And knowing that
you deserve better than him is also helpful. I eventually moved on
when I knew I was tired of the drama, tired of kept going back when I
knew we would break up anyway, and I was tired of crying. I know it's
not easy to move on. Instead of thinking of him, you can hangout with
your best friends, look for a new crush, find a new hobby, make new
goals for your future and try to make it comes true. Keep being
optimist, okay? Ira.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week�s question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



May 9, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 14 May.

Recently I've been on the internet a lot and I saw a post about social anxiety and because I related a lot, I searched about it. I think I may have this disorder but I don't know how to tell my parents because I don't tend to tell them about my problems. I'm afraid they will think I'm exaggerating but if I don't tell them my problem will just get worse to the point that I will not longer be able to marry/socially interact and that is why I am looking for your help. What should I do? Thanks in advance. Marina, Mexico

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

This week's responses will follow over the weekend.



May 2, 2014 / submitted by Josephine, France
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #166
It's been a difficult year for me. I've been living alone in a foreign country for the first time in my life and even though it is amazing to follow my dreams, there are days that I truly miss being home. Does that feeling go away? Because it is not easy to feel happy and sad at the same time.
Also if you could dye your hair any color what would it be?

Firstly let me congratulate you on embarking on a huge adventure. It's not an easy thing to do - uprooting yourself from the familiarity of home to follow your dreams. It can be daunting but you took the plunge so well done you!

Having moved away from home several times, I have found the telephone (& now Skype, social media) to be invaluable. I miss certain people and certain things but not really the place though. I love where I live and given you can't live in two places (well, you can have more than home but obviously cannot be in two places at the same time) I am in the right place for the moment. I may decide to move again, who knows, but right now it's about being where makes me the happiest.
I guess you just have to weigh up what you gain from your current location versus what you miss about home. If like me it's people, just make the time and effort to connect and plan trips home or for people to visit you.
It sounds like missing home isn't all-consuming, more an occasional (understandable, natural) blip. For that reason and that you are both happy & sad, I think you will definitely find the homesickness will get easier.
Keep in touch with home and if it doesn't make things worse, maybe have a wander around on Google Earth or read books, watch films, listen to music from home and of course look at photographs.

I have dyed my hair so many different colours over the years. At my ripe old Oracle age it's all about covering the pesky greys.
Over to you.

I've also lived in a foreign country. I was in the Philippines. First of all make you house or apartment look like home. Also embrace the culture. Learn french if you don't know it already. I don't mean with books and stuff. Make friends ask them how to say fun things like "I am the banana king" Learn some useful things too. Try all their food that you don't have in your native country. Ask them. "What do foreigners usually not eat here" and then eat that. Most of all make some new friends.
I wouldn't dye my hair. I like my hair's natural color. I don't know what color I would dye your hair. I've never seen you and you natural color probably looks the best. Eric.


I have been living abroad for about 15 years now and I left the country I was born in when I was 18, so I know very well what you mean by missing home! The first years were really tough for me and I felt like you that I was pursuing my dreams but missed my family. I can happily tell you that that feeling does indeed go away with time, especially if you find ways to keep in touch with your family back home with video chat or audio chat. I video chat with my mum several times a week and now it truly feels like we are never apart. Also I don't cry at the airport any longer, so that can and does go away too.
As long as you feel the place you are in now is where you want to be and where you can best live your life now, you will find ways to keep home close to you, even if you are not physically there.
Enjoy your time abroad and best of luck for the future! Valentina.

These are extraordinary, special feelings you are going through right now.
First of all, you are very, very brave. Letting go and jumping into life is a big step, always! Be very proud and thankful of it.
By simply embracing this feelings you are going through right now is a good first step to just accept who you are. Your feelings show you that you are connected to your beloved ones and that you are caring about all the people you have left behind. Isn't that a wonderful thing to experience?
If you are sad, just go through it, let tears come, express it and after that you will feel relieved. Maybe you have people around you who are in a similar situation as you are in right now or someone you feel very comfortable with. Talk to them. You will discover, that once you start talking about it you will feel that a lot of people have same emotions, experiences and simply by sharing your situation you can support, give hope and strength to each other. Feeling happy and sad at the same time can be challenging and it is also a sign that you are really connected to your feelings. It's this duality that you will find everywhere in this world. Maybe this feelings come again and again, but it will get easier, for sure.
About haircolour: I like to keep it natural. Love, Verena.


It's a great thing that you are following your dreams! Our hopes and dreams are what carry us through life and motivate us to get to where we want to be. Being far away from your friends and those you love can be pretty difficult, and while it may seem like it'll never work, know that it is always temporary and there is always a brighter light down at the end of every long tunnel. Remember, lights will guide you home.
If I had to due my hair any color, it would probably most likely be blue. Nothing says a rad hair color like the color of the Ocean.
And have fun next month! Should be a fantastic concert! Sincerely, Aaron.

I'm in New Caledonia right now, on a very little island with extremely poor internet connection to the rest of the planet, 16 thousand km away from home. I literally couldn't be on land further away without going to the Moon. Missing home, missing every single person who's become a part of your life and who gets you so easily is a challenge, one of the biggest ones I've had to go through. But I've been here over a year, and my trip is over, I've done what I had to do, what I needed to get away for, and believe me it's worth the trouble. And
now, I'm better, and I'm ecstatic at the thought of seeing all my loved ones in just a few weeks (I might see you at the concert as well).
So I know sometimes it's hard, it might even get harder than it is now. But before you know it, you'll be incredibly happy you had the courage. Take care of yourself. And in case of emergency, phone someone who knows you best, no matter how much it costs. Alice.


I don't think you will ever not get homesick. Home is where you really feel like you are part of something, and it is definitely hard to experience such a change in lifestyle and culture when you are used to something that you have been part of for a long time. But stay positive, home is still there, it's not gone forever, make the most out of your time in a foreign country because there are positives you can go and search for.
PS: I'd dye my hair with the colours of the rainbow! John.

I am still in my early 20's but have moved to new places often and have lived by myself for more than five years now. Before that I went to boarding school, so I am very familiar with different forms of homesickness. Usually it fades over time, especially if you keep busy and surround yourself with good people. Immerse yourself in the culture and enjoy the food where you are, while at the same time enjoy things that remind you of home. Ask your family or friends to send you a care package with your favorite snacks and savour them!
Plan a trip or something else to look forward to. Also know that you are not the only one feeling happy and sad at the same time! There are so many others like you in the world, let that be encouragement that you can do it! Keep following your dream.
Listen to the new Coldplay songs and have a good cry then wipe your tears because summer is nearly here!
If I could dye my hair any color it would be purple because I think it is very on trend right now and a cool color (I have semi-permanent dye ready to go when I get the time)!!
Coldplay shows are amazing! Have fun! Karin.


In the place where I live, there are many borders, many beautiful landscapes and to go to the city must take many transport and only those who live in the center of the city can go to school and then go to the university without many drawbacks. What I mean is that not all we can fulfill the dream of being a doctor, master, lawyer at the University of the country and for this reason many young people leave their home to fulfill her dream. My friend happens to him the same thing that happened, is enclosed between four walls alone but he knows that if the time passes quickly and that everything you expect will be worth much worth in the future. I give you the same advice to it: with time everything will be back to normal & you're not sad or alone and you'll be with your family or the people that you love most. Luck Josephine! And congratulations on having the opportunity to see my group Coldplay! I never saw. Greetings from Argentina. Daniela.

I can relate to how you must be feeling right now, I've lived alone in a foreign country too. I lived on the other side of the world from my family. I was having the time of my life, but at the same time I was also crying my eyes out because I was homesick. The answer is yes, the feeling does go away. It might take a while, but if just keep going and don't give up on your dreams, it'll go away. I know it's hard, but when you feel sad, try to go out with your friends there or meet some new people to hang out with. Try to avoid calling your family at those time, cause that will only make it worse. Good luck, I know you can do it. Ps: I'd dye my hair pink or purple, I have no idea why though. Amanda.

Leaving home and moving to another country is not easy but following dreams is the best thing that we ever do. Sometimes you miss home and consider why you are here, why you aren't at your own town. But when your dreams come true you're gonna get used to that feeling and being happy again. You should not give up on your dreams. If you leave them and go back to your home you'll be sad lifelong because you'll have left behind your dreams, I mean your "life" We have one life and should live it what we want to live. Trust me and go on your way. Finally I haven't think about ever before, but I would choose ginger.
Good luck. Oylum.

Last year I was on a two-week trip to a foreign country with my school. Although it was such an amazing opportunity, there were days where I was quite emotional about not being at home with my family and friends. I felt exactly how you feel, happy because you're having a great time but also sad because you're away from home. It feels as if the homesick feeling is almost always with you no matter how much of a good time you're having.
I found that communicating with friends and family from home (through phone, email) helped me a lot, because it reassured me that everybody back home is ok and it made me feel less lonely. I also found that taking my mind off of my homesickness and focusing on the positive things about being in another country helped. It helps to be appreciative of your new environment, and to focus on the positive things rather than your homesickness.
And if I could dye my hair any colour it would probably be a lighter shade of brown.
All the best. Rhys, Canada.


Thank you very much for all your lovely answers this week! Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



May 2, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 8 May.

I recently broke up with my ex. I can't even count the number of time we've broken up, but it was an intense, passionate, on and off for the last two years. I know why I kept going back, but I also know why I shouldn't/deserve more. How do you know when you're supposed to keep trying because that's what love is and when you're supposed to let go because love shouldn't be that difficult? Anon. USA.

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



April 25, 2014 / submitted by Ann, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #165
I suppose this isn't so much a question for advice as much as it is simply looking for some sort of comfort. Oracle, have you ever lost someone who you considered a best-friend? You see a couple of years ago someone became my friend and was the first person I ever considered a true best-friend, and the first person I ever trusted. He was a year older than me and after graduating high school, left for college, never contacting me on his own afterwards. When I asked him why, he said he did so to many people, but I know he kept in touch with those he considered close friends. This has left me in a whirl of confusion, guilt and loneliness. I'm sure he thinks I am too clingy and fragile - the last time I talked to him, it seemed forced when saying he wanted to be friends. I'm a college freshman now, and as the year ends, I'm beginning to see that I haven't even made any new memories or friends because nothing can measure up to what I had with this friend.

I have lost many friends throughout my life from primary school, secondary school, college, work and so the list goes on. Some of it was my choice, (I didn't always tell the person why), some was theirs, some moved and some just drifted away or got into relationships and left friends behind. Some were toxic, some drained me, some wronged me and some were the best friends you could wish for.
I am still making amazing friends with people I can't imagine life without but who knows?
There is saying that:
"We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime" and once you accept that, it's easier to cherish the time you had with friends from the past but to let it go.
Don't torture yourself about why or comparing his relationship with other friends to yours.
Friends come and go and you can't make someone be friends with you. You sometimes just have to be happy with the memories & move on - even if that's not what you want.
It can hurt but you will come to accept it and make an even better best friend.
Over to you.

After reading your story, I think this is your question: How do I get friends, true friends, who see me in the same way I see them? Well, first of all, it is possible that there are people around who might have tried to start a friendship, but you just didn't see it, because you were worried about that one friend. And that's ok. That means you are one of the rare people who can feel real friendship and know what it means. I would be worried if you didn't worry about him...
Look around. Are there people in college or at work you like or trust? First, find out who your mates are. As soon as you know that, try to find out more about them, in the way they talk and act to you. When you know more about them, I think you can choose your friend(s) now.
Good luck, Isabelle.


I'm going through something similar right now! I've been trying to figure it out for a long time myself, recently things have been getting better with my old best friend and I think it's because I've been trying to ease back into the friendship with her as opposed to trying really hard all the time. If you fear he finds you clingy, I think that's the best thing to do. It does feel better knowing someone else is in the same situation as you so I do hope this helps.
Best of luck, Joe.

I read your question and I grimaced because I know exactly what this situation is like. A while back a guy moved into our area and we became the best of friends almost immediately. I mean we were practically brothers joined at the hip. Everything was fine and I was happier than I had ever been in my life. Then he moved back to his native Utah and the woes began. I remember he left halfway through my freshman year of high school and the day they left was a dark and stormy day both literally and metaphorically. I was totally depressed. He was my one friend and now he was gone. I tried all sorts of things to cheer myself up and stayed miserable for weeks. As I found in retrospect, time was the most effective healer. Coincidentally, Coldplay music was soothing balm to me while I tried to go on with my life. More friends will come and there will be others there for you eventually. I have found that when you go out on a limb to be friends to others, your own feelings of loneliness and sadness will diminish and even disappear.
With warm regards, Alex.


The first person you consider to be your 'best friend' is always going to hold important memories. You associate them with many of your early experiences in life and you trust them to value your approach to many of life's teenage trials. There is no reason for you to feel guilt as you are at a stage in life where learning through experiences with different people is vital. It can teach you who you can really put your trust in when times are hard. Clearly, both you and the friend you speak of are in a time of transition within your respective lives. As he was older, he was at the stage you find yourself at now: starting a new chapter in life full of new environments, people and places.
Going from High school to college means groups of friends splitting to go their separate ways. I doubt you were the only person he lost contact with and I'm sure he found it difficult to juggle his new college lifestyle with that of his old school life. The most important thing is to not let the experience of a best friend leaving you hold you back, but more as an opportunity to build on what you have learnt. Starting out as freshman is the chance to meet new people, many of whom may have found themselves in a similar position to yourself having also just graduated from High school. This can take time so don't panic. Struan, London, England.

Throughout our lives, we meet lots of people. Some we consider friends, some family, and some just passengers, who come and go.
If you care/d for that person when he left, and he didn't care, it's his loss. He lost a friend.
For you the Oracle advises to move on. If you didn't mater to him, why should you bother? Better find someone who deserves you. Not a passenger, but a friend. Sonai.


It's often hard to find that sort of best friend, someone whose comforting but can make you laugh like crazy, the kind of person you could spend forever with and never get bored. I've drifted through different best friends, and honestly when I've moved on I have lost them, right now there's someone whose a better friend then all my past ones and if I had clung on to them, I may have never found her!
I can see how much it would hurt for that to happen to you, because its someone you loved and thought loved you back; there's nothing to say he didn't though!
You shouldn't hold yourself back because he hurt you, and you shouldn't over-think his actions either.
He did what he did and if you managed to find a friend that you cared for that much before, sure you can find one (or some) again!
Maybe you'll decide to keep in touch with him, maybe not. But people change, and grow up; to our happiness or dismay! The best thing you can do, is be happy for him and of course be happy yourself! Make new memories with new people to, lets say, add to your collection.
There's lots of things in life that we'll never understand, but you can't let yourself hold onto the past and let it bring you down (cheesy as it may sound).
Never feel like you have to replace him, you can always remember him as the first best friend you ever had, but there's still space in your heart to find new friends and new beginnings.
Katherine.

It can be very painful to lose friends that you have a close relationship with. I've experienced this first hand, but I think it's all for a good reason. Certain individuals will come into your life at certain times, and some will go. I believe that everyone in our lives are meant to fulfil a purpose. Perhaps your friend was there because you needed him during that time of your life, and that time may be over now. Although it's difficult to wait for, someone new will come. There's someone out there that's meant for you, whether its love or friendship. All you have to do is be patient and open, trust me! Jeremy.

Losing a friend, even more when you know know the reason, is certainly one of the hardest things of life.
Sometimes it'll seems like the closer you get with someone, bigger are the chances of losing them. And you'll ask yourself if you are the reason...
Well, someone said to me once that no matter how close to you they happen to be, people are only passing through your life. They won't necessarily disappear, but every relationship evolves. One day you are best friends and the other acquaintances. Affection might be always there, even nostalgia for the memories you both share but it doesn't have to be sad.
Every relationship is an experience. When you meet someone and you like them, there is two options : worrying about the future of this relationship, missing it in reality. Missing the joy and the richness of it.
Or, you could embrace the experience, like trying on a new pair of sunglasses. You could keep them years, or only one summer. It doesn't mean this very summer didn't existed, with every of its memories.
So, go on ! try make some new friends and enjoy the very moment. You don't know, anyone does, what will happen tomorrow... And you can't keep people tied to a chair in your own heart. You can't make people love you, so enjoy the time they did and take every of those moments to make your life richer, bigger, full of every type of love.
This IS the purpose of life ! K.

Oh dear Ann, this is the circle of, ... What do we call it? LIFE. You must know that people comes and goes all the time, but you are the one who let them do that. Sometimes is not under your control, but it does depends on you to let them affect you. Family never leaves, but your friends may. They didn't watch you grow up, did they? But maybe they can be there for you, growing and sharing through experiences. Every time it's a new opportunity to learn something. Now all you have to do is sit tight and have a little long conversation with this guy. If he really appreciates you, he will prove it. If not, show him what he's missing and get over it. Make changes, be your best, care... Everything WILL get better; you have a long way to go. Remember that trust is a strong process to build, that's why is so important. If someone lets you down, you always have to bring the best of it, because life always leaves us with lessons. And every little thing makes you stronger, even if you feel weaker. Sometimes people give you the wrong impression, but isn't always your fault. So don't feel guilty and stop comparing those impressions with those who really want to be part of your life now. This is a chance to start all over. It IS possible. Have a lovely day, and wish you luck. Chiari M.

That's just it, sometimes we consider someone as the best, closest friend. And the time comes, the "best friend" alienates. I know this feeling, when I read your question thought of my old "best friend". Once we were very good friends, not only good but also very closest to each other, we used to talk about our favorite bands and movies, go to the school etc. And one day she started to meet me less, She was with her other new "best friends". And that time I realized that she had never been my best friend. Yes, all this time we were very good friend but a real friend never leaves you, whatever happens. Real friends stand by each other, always. That's okay and don't worry about that. Don't be sad anymore. This is the life, as usual. Of course this situation made you very sorry and you miss him, but one day you'll find your real best friend, believe that. Good luck. Oylum.

I've been through this too, actually. But it's not your fault, you see.
It's what you call a "false friend". You'll get over it and you'll will find someone just as good and have the time of your life, I promise you!
Take care. Love, Filip.


A relationship, as you know, requires two or more individuals. But having a relationship (in this case a friendship), doesn't mean you see the other one (or ones) as they see you. As there are unrequited loves, there are also unrequited friendships. Even though you see/saw him as your best friend, doesn't mean he has ever thought the same way. And the fact that he's still in touch with other friends, only proves this theory. However, if you call someone a friend and that person has closer friends, but you have no problem with that, there's no reason why the friendship wouldn't work. But you're clearly not ok with that. This means you have to move on.
Like you, I have also felt like I've lost my best friends. Some years ago, I moved from my hometown to another village, and I never talked to them again. And I really considered them my best friends. So, you're not alone. And now, I have gained other friends that are really close to me, in spite of not being with them all the time.
My point is: I believe we all have someone who is pretty much compatible with us. Maybe you haven't found them yet, maybe you already have. "Just be patient, and don't worry" - these things happen naturally; you can't force them. But if your friendship isn't working, don't let that stop you from finding someone you are able to see as a true friend. Hope I helped. Ana.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost the person you thought to be your best friend. You sound a little sad, hurt and confused and I wish I (or anyone else here) could come up with a magical solution for your troubles but I don't think there is one - heartbreak is the risk we take when we open up to friendship and love. I know that when you feel you have a special connection with someone and it's not reciprocated it hurts, it makes you feel stupid and you try to hang on... but you can't hang on to something that isn't there!
There may be a million reasons why this person has distanced himself from you and you may never know why.
So you pick yourself up take control of your life girl! You are young, healthy and beautiful, you are at college and these are supposed to be the best years of your life, and you are surrounded by people just like you - so go out there, make new friends (it's never too late), join any clubs or groups that you feel drawn to and have fun. You may not find a bestie right away but you will have fun making new friends. Life's too short to waste on someone who doesn't appreciate you. And Ann the sun will shine (again) on that heart of yours. These words helped me. All the best. M.


Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



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