Oracle
442 oracle items tagged as team oracle
April 24, 2015 / submitted by Andre, Peru
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #212
Perhaps it is not really relevant, it is important for me... I'm a very insecure and shy guy, and it is difficult for me to talk to a girl.
The point is that sometimes I fall in love with some girl I know just for a month, it seems stupid, but usually happens, the question is: Am I a womanizer? Thank you in advance.

I'm guessing you're a teenager because you're describing very normal teenage behaviour. The fact you're shy & insecure gives me the information that you are not a womaniser despite you falling for girls very quickly.
I wouldn't focus on that - I'd work on your self-esteem and confidence. Try to forget that they're girls and remember they're people. Talk to them like you would talk to your friends rather than there be any awkwardness. Get to know them and vice versa. See what common interests you share and suggest going somewhere together. There's no rush so take your time.
You can fall in love instantly so a month isn't necessary quick but it's the frequency of those feelings with different people. That's probably your age. There comes a point where we become interested in people romantically and it can be very confusing. There are a lot of girls out there. The key is to treat them (& yourself) with respect. Be nice and there's no problem - as long as you're not hurting anyone. If you were a heartbreaker, then we'd have an issue but currently it sounds like you're just adjusting to a new phase.
When you're growing up - and sometimes when you are grown up - you will experience strong feelings that can mistaken for love (especially infatuation).
Desire, intrigue, a common interest, having a similar personality can all attract you to someone or it could simply be your hormones bouncing up & down.
Don't forget that many people feel the same way. Just relax and be yourself.
Oh, and if you're not a teenager, most of this answer can still be applied.
Over to you.

I am a girl and you seem like a mirror to me when I was younger and it happened to me in the same way. But I say no, I don't think you are a womanizer unless you tell us that you fall in love with more than one girl at the same time.
Usually the boys didn't notice me or saw just a "friend", not someone to fall in love with in me.
I can't explain you why we feel / felt so.
Luckily I found my boyfriend and we are together for nearly 4 years. It took it's time 'til he fell in love with me, too.
Have patience . Good luck.
Maren.


You're not a womanizer, Andre. You just seem to be easily infatuated with girls. I've dealt with the same thing, but it's nothing to be worried about. What I do is, if I feel like I like somebody, I wait a month or two, while still getting to know them. If I still like them after that time, I then follow up on those feelings. I'd recommend you do the same, or similar, but it's a common, and harmless issue, unless you start leading on a lot of girls at one time.
Jackson, USA.

I'm there right now, and there is nothing wrong with how you're feeling; you can get a crush on anyone who sticks out to you or impresses you. We (you, me, and probably most people in the world) are just feeling a natural love for at least a few of the amazing people in the world, and of course we want to be around people that make us feel good or better about ourselves. The worst thing we can do is to flutter like a butterfly to whatever gives us temporary pleasure, instead of making lasting friends that could last you a lifetime. Your love for them can make you more personable to them rather than drive them away in most cases.
Nick.


Oh no no no, you really aren't. I know what that feels like, I used to be the shy girl who fell in "love" with many many people as I went about. It is a really natural feeling, and you shouldn't feel that it's stupid or lame. You mustn't let it affect you in any way, though. But you know, you should try actually talking to them, you know, they are just as scared, and just as shy as you, the only difference between you and them is that they try and actually get over their shyness instead of letting it conquer. I did that, and trust me it makes a very big difference. Try it, it works, but naturally it will take time. I hope things work out for you.
Love, Solaf.

Good News, Andre! Changing your "crush" or "dream date" every month or so, does not qualify you to be a womanizer. It is completely normal for a shy guy to take interest in a girl they haven't really known for a bit. I would almost say that it would be wierd if someone hasn't a least once. However, if you pursue all those different ladies and change to pursue another one every month, it may cause you to walk on the road that leads/ends to womanizing. Which may and can cause further complications for the girls. The most serious case I've witnessed is when they start taking a sudden interest in the song The Scientist while usually accompanied by a bowl of rocky road ice cream, to symbolize their rocky, month-old relationship with you. You being a Coldplay fan, as I presume, you've probably heard of this "disease" (which can't really be called that cause The Scientist is an awesome song). Anyways, a bit off point. You're all good man. I just suggest that when decide to talk to one of those girls, you stick to that one for a while...
Best Wishes! Jonathan.


Andre, if it's important to you, then it certainly isn't irrelavant! The answer to your question is, no. You are not a womanizer. Not unless you go after girls with cheesy lines all the time, only to have sex with them and then dump them again at least. I used to be, or maybe still am, shy and insecure like you. I'd fall in love with a guy but after a month or two tops, when things were about to get serious, I always dumped them. I don't think that has anything to do with being a womanizer (or whatever the female version of that is) and everything with being shy and insecure.I recommend trying something like assertiveness training or something similar to help you overcome your insecurities. Good luck!
Amanda.

I'll start by telling you that I, like you, am very shy and insecure, but that's not something bad, it's actually sweet.
You say that you feel that you're in love after a month, well, I know I'm in love after a second. The thing is, to fell in love is something unique and you live the feeling of love with all your heart and soul.
So, to answer your question, I'll put you to ask yourself, for how long do you love someone? If it's for more than 6 months, then you really felt and feel something real, but if it lasts less, then you should consider the fact that you just had a big crush.
I don't think you're a womanizer, you just get attached to someone very fast, don't worry, some people do that, I myself as well. It's not a bad thing to care, but it is bad to get hurt in the end because you cared too much. I went through that, so please be careful who you share your heart with.
Be yourself, try to know the ones next to you better and smile.
Lots of Love from Romania!!
Madalina.


We need to make a few distinctions here. First of all, falling in love with someone is not the same as feeling attracted to someone. You can like somebody so much when you meet them that you become a little obsessed with that person and can't stop thinking about them. But that doesn't mean you are actually in love. Falling in love with somebody is different. It doesn't happen often. You don't "usually fall in love". Loving someone implies not only feeling attracted to a person. When you love someone, you can imagine a future together with them. You love them with (what you consider to be) their flaws. You want to make that person happy and want them to be happy even if they are not in a relationship with you.
It's totally normal to like different people and to go on dates, and the fact that that happens often doesn't turn you into a womanizer. You date people to get to know them, until one day you find a special someone you want to have a relationship with. A womanizer is someone who seduces/dates several girls at the same time and doesn't want any commitment. And sometimes they don't make clear that they don't want anything serious (and it's very important to be clear about that, given the case).
So take it easy when you meet a new girl you like. Take it slow. Noelia, Argentina.

If you cheat your girlfriends or change them constantly, then you're probably a womanizer, but if you only fall in love, I don't think that's bad. You are in a process of maturing and growing up, let yourself explore life, girls and your feelings, but always with respect and truth. If you say you're shy, I think that you fall in love often because you're too shy to do something, to make a step, so it's easier to change a feeling and fall in love with another person than stop and try to grow that feeling by facing that girl and meeting her, being with her. Maybe you should take your feelings more serious and find out if they are deep enough and then to work on that relationship. Try to meet the girl more, spend a lot of time together, be just friends until you realize if it can become a love relationship, but always tell her what you really feel and explain the steps you take. Good luck!!
Kamili.


You probably don't fall in love with the girl, but just seem to like her. Love is a very strong emotion that would be very hard to overcome about the person that you have feelings for (not in a months time span). Think about what type of feelings, Specifically, and think about the kind of relationship you want with the girl. If you do constantly change the girl you like, then you MIGHT be a womanizer. But it does really depend on why you like the girl.
Gary.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



April 24, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 30 April.

I'm 27 years, never properly travelled or lived away from home. I'd love to live in a city like London for a year or at least I think I do. Is it wise at my age or should I stick to my career and save money (I'm an Environmental Health and Safety Graduate).
I also come from a Farm and always feel guilty when I'm away not helping Dad, (even though I don't really enjoy it and probably not much good at it, ha).
Anyway What do you think??
Patrick, Ireland.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



April 17, 2015 / submitted by Samuel, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #211
I have this friend. She hates my guts now. She won't talk to me at all. We were best friends. She said she doesn't have a reason why she hates me... I'm crushed and I've been listening to Warning Sign a lot now. What do I do? I see her 6 times a week.

I feel for you, Samuel. Quite frankly, your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend.
Over the years I have lost friends (both mine and their doing) and I can't say there was ever a time when I didn't know the reason. Even if that reason was that we drifted apart.
If you honestly can't think of anything you may have done or said that she took offence to, it must be very hard for you to try and make sense of it on top of the rejection. Seeing her so often must be painful but try to avoid contact.
Perhaps before you do, write her a letter saying how you feel and ask that at the very least you are given an explanation. It may be that other people have influenced her decision if she's become part of a new circle which is sadly common at a young age.
I'm afraid other than that, there is nothing you can do apart from make new friends and / or surround yourself with people who do want to be friends with you.
Sorry I can't be of more help but in a nutshell, move on and be happy with better friends.
Over to you.

If this is how she is going to treat you then leave them. Seriously. I have been through something similar, and then came to discover that she was not a true friend. I know this type, they change friends like they change clothes. A lot. Be careful, she might be playing around to see if you truly care or not. It doesn't seem like this is the case, though. Good luck Samuel.
Love, Solaf.


I think that all your friend wants is a change. Maybe something happened to her, and now she's just trying to adapt. Maybe she's changing, and all she wants is for the world to change with her.
I just know that this is what my life has been for almost a year now. I've had this feeling, that this is not my life, and the only one who can fix that is me. I'm trying to mould my world into what I need it to be for this new version of myself, because I've changed too much myself already.
I had these friends who cared so much about me, but in the year I finally started living, they've become so distant to me. I hate myself for letting them slip away, but I hate them, too, for making it so easy to let go of them. Maybe this is what your friend is thinking.
I think you need to talk to her. If you really care you need to show her. Because if she is as far gone as I am, you're really gonna need to show her exactly how much you care and how much you're hurting. My friends say that nothing's changed, and we're still close friends, but that's all they do. They're never there for me when I need them, so I wish they'd just stop pretending, stop half-heartedly caring. In short - BE the friends you wish you could be, or just give up, and let her go completely.
Victoria.

I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe she doesn't have a reason, there's always a reason. And if she says there isn't one I think she's lying and you should wonder if she was ever your best friend to begin with. You don't go from being 'best friends' to not talking to each other and lying about the reason why overnight. Can you remember when her not talking to you started? Did something happen that week/day that could've caused her behavior? Are you sure she actually hates you? You could write her a letter, but she'll probably not respond to that either. I know its hard, but I'd walk up to her, ask to speak to her in private and just confront her and ask for an explanation. I really hope it works out, but you might have to consider letting this go. I know that's hard, but in the end you can't force her to be friends with you again and you'll be better off spending your time on making new friends, then waiting around for something that might never happen. Good luck!
Amanda.


What happened to you is horrible, it happened to me many times. Sometimes it ended well and sometimes not so good.
I presume you tried talking to your friend, and she said what was supposed to be said and if not, try to read between the lines. Maybe she told you a reason, but she said it in a way only she understood, this happens every now and then.
If she was and still is your best friend, she doesn't have a reason to hate you, a friend loves you with your good moods and bad moods, with your guts, or without it.
There are times when even a strong person is hurt by certain words or stuff like this, it's normal. Even the strongest fall, but when they rise, they rise like the Phoenix from its ash.
I once told myself that it was my fault, that I was the reason why my friend was mad, but in the end, it's not only your fault.
Talk to each other openly, discuss about everything that comes to your mind, bad or good, funny or not, painful or lovely, this way you will cover every subject of discussion you ever had. Just go in a pub or park or the first place where you met and remind yourselves about the good times and smile and laugh and be again what you used to be.
I hope I helped! I wish you good luck!!
Lots of Love from Romania.
Madalina.

That's good if you listen Warning Sign, but I don't know if it will help you. I hope so!
You realize that you are in love but the other side is not responding you the way you would like it.
I guess she knows about your feelings and she runs away because you have ruined your friendship somehow and she can't stand it. Maybe she has also some feelings for you but she is too afraid and confused. You should talk to her directly and ask her any question about your friendship, I hope it'll make things more clear. It's hard that you see her often but that's good situation for your growing up and maturing. Try to learn how to deal with your emotions and reactions, even if it is difficult, make that situation to serve you for learning. Respect her feelings and decisions; if you can go on as friends or be together or not to be at all, accept that as a life lesson and be patient with yourself and others always knowing that something great is waiting for you,just keep climbing the mountain!
With love, Kamili.


I, like many others, can relate to your situation. As I have grown older I have seen the best of friends come and go from my life and it is never easy. Sometimes it is because we can no longer relate to each other or that we have both matured and the realization hits that we aren't the same people that we once were. I feel for you and I know its never easy. In my experiences the best thing to do is to not force anything and give yourself space from this person when possible. There is a reason why she doesn't want to be around you but you shouldn't concern yourself with that right now. Sometimes you just need to tell people like this that you love them for being such a good friend over the years and that you will always be there for her if she needs someone to talk to. You never truly know what a person is going through and many times letting them know that you are there for them if they ever need anything is exactly what they need to hear. If she does not come around do not take it personally. People change and there is nothing that you can do about it. Keep you head up and continue being a caring and loving person and everything will work out in the end.
Jay.

Unless she's been through a rough time recently and this is a coping mechanism, I'd say give her a wide berth.
You can't make her tell you why (if there is a why) and you can't make her be friends with you but you can be with other friends who make you feel good instead of her.
Your friend may he hiding something so it's up to you whether to support her from a distance or not. I wouldn't fight for her - not just yet. See if time makes a difference.
Who knows, she may come back and you may be the one telling her that you don't want to be her friend?
I'm sure she doesn't hate you - that's extreme - but weird things can happen inside us when we're growing up and maybe she's struggling with her thoughts and feelings.
Fiona.


Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



April 17, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions for you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 23 April.

Perhaps it is not really relevant, it is important for me... I'm a very insecure and shy guy, and it is difficult for me to talk to a girl.
The point is that sometimes I fall in love with some girl I know just for a month, it seems stupid, but usually happens, the question is: Am I a womanizer? Thank you in advance.
Andre, Peru.



Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to: theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



April 10, 2015 / submitted by Amber, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #212
A dear friend of mine passed away last year in May at the very young age of 19. Rather than being distraught on the anniversary of his death, I'm hoping to do something special to celebrate his life. Do you have any suggestions? I'm currently in Sydney, Australia and he loved the mountains, good beer, and adventure, if that helps. I'm just not sure what to do and I need ideas because the last thing he'd want is for me to spend the day grieving in my room.
I appreciate your advice.

It's a hard thing to lose someone especially at a young age. It's a wonderful thing to want to celebrate his life rather than mourn your loss but it's ok to do both.
As it sounds like you'll be away from home, it might be difficult to involve your circle of friends because of the time difference. If there is a possible time frame, you could arrange a group Skype call so you're virtually surrounded by other people who may be feeling the same as you. You could each share a memory and remember him together.
If this isn't possible (or even if it is) you could set up a private group on a social media platform (Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook...) to post videos of his favourite music and share photos & stories about your friend.
If you are going to be spending the day alone, maybe make a playlist and scrapbook of memories and take it somewhere you think he'd like to be with you.
You mentioned he liked the mountains, adventure and good beer - you could safely arrange an activity in his memory and toast him at the end of the day - as I don't recommend all 3 at once. Drink responsibly.
I don't know how your friend died but a fundraising day might be another way to celebrate his life and incorporate the things he loved within that. A page raising money for a cause close to his heart is a lovely way to honour him.
However you spend the day, I wish you well.
Over to you.

I'm so pleasantly surprised and impressed about your decision of celebrating your friend's life. It's admirable.
You could do things that he really was looking forward to doing in life. Did he want to travel to a particular place? Since he was adventurous, did he want to play any extreme sport like skydiving or go trekking somewhere? Did the two of you have a dream together that could come true?
You can also make an album (maybe a Facebook album) with pictures that portray his happiest/most important moments, and footnotes with stories about them.
You are strong, Amber. I wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.


I'm very sorry for your loss, Amber. It's difficult to lose anyone you love but even harder when they are so young and full of promise. Perhaps you could honor your friendship with a sunrise or sunset hike and toast your friend with a beer when you reach the top? If you are more daring you could bungee jump or sky dive since you said he enjoyed adventure. Fondly, Eleanor.

To the American in Sydney,
When we were 23, my group of friends and I found ourselves in a similar situation. A friend of ours had been diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year, and while she fought hard and strong, it took her away from us way too soon. Instead of wallowing in sadness, my friend decided to host a pub crawl in her honor, and set up a memorial fund for us to donate to. T-shirts were made, pubs were notified, and on the anniversary of her death, we all got a little wild in her honor. We also raised a small, but significant, amount of money to donate to a charity on her behalf. I don't know what took your friend so soon, but surely you could do something similar for a charity that supports something your friend was passionate about?
Above all, it's important to get through the day with someone else at your side. That way you can talk to someone about all the great things that your friend left behind via you. You're already on an adventure abroad, make the most of it.
Good luck,
An American in London.


I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.
It sounds to me you are the kind of person that could be thinking of your friend already almost every day, if only for a moment.
To me there is no doubt that life is eternal and that the spirit without the body still lives on (as spirit).
If you are indeed close to each other, my guess is that you will intuitively know what to do best when the occasion arrives.
My dad died when I was 19 and after that event there were also others close to me who passed. I even knew (felt) beforehand that it was going to happen and than lend a helping hand. Also, when that person is then gone, you can still help. Just be attentive to your feelings and the ideas that may come up.
So, maybe arrange to have no commitments on that day, or at least a portion of that day so you can spend time in nature, like the mountains, so you won't be disturbed by people and you can be relaxed and be with him (in spirit). Michael.

Do you want to do something special for your friend? I have a suggestion.
How about making music for him? And the lyric is about him and your
friendship. So, when the day grieving is come you can sing along in your room.
Don't worry if the music is bad. The important thing is the Lyric!! I think he will proud of you! Good luck!
Anbar. Indonesia.


What a great idea to celebrate your friend's life! Not familiar with what's near Sydney, but can you find a great hike in the mountains with some other friends who were acquainted with the one who passed? Take a great picnic with you and find a great view, then toast your friend with their favorite beer. Perhaps plant a tree or scatter some seeds in your friends honor and give back to the earth.
Who knows, you may find a new adventure every year celebrating your friend's life that was taken too soon.
Enjoy that special day. Your friend is always with you in your heart.
Julie.

I really like the idea that you choose to celebrate his life rather than grieve over it, and I have thought of a nice way to celebrate it. It would be a great tribute to him, if you were to hike up one of his favourite mountains with close friends and/or relatives. And at one point, you could set up your tents, and have a few beers over a barbecue or campfire and just talk the night away! That sounds like a great night to me! I hope you find a good idea!
Regards, Curtis.L.


Get together a group of his friends and get a load of his favourite beer, make a playlist of his favourite music. Take a hike to his favourite mountain, spot, place where ever he loved to go to just relax. When you get there set up a fire and all sit around it listening to his favourite music, reminiscing over the good times you spent with each other and watch the sun set together. Hopefully you can do this every year and make it a tradition. I hope you like this idea because from you small description of him I think he would love you spend the day that way and I think I would be the perfect way to remember him; for the things he loved doing best.
Katie.

I'm really sorry for what happened to your friend but it's amazing that you want to do something to commemorate his life. As you mention he liked beer and mountains I would suggest you to spend your day going on a trip the Bouddi National Park or the Lane Cove National Park, which seem to have great views and amazing activities. Then, before the day is over you can buy a beer or go to a pub and drink one in his honour while you have dinner, only if you are allowed to. I hope this can be helpful and that you can make the best of this important day!
Lucia.


I know what you feel right now, a very dear person to me died almost 3 years ago and ever since I'm trying to live my life in a way he would want me to.
A year after his death I found myself crying, two years after, I tried all day long to remember and to enjoy my memories with him.
You said you're in Australia, that means you could go in an adventure in your friend's honor.
I once read that you can write what you feel on a piece of paper then throw it in the fire, this way it can get faster to the person you lost, you could try this. Also, you could plant a tree. The saying says: "A life for a life", it could be a beautiful way of remembering your friend.
And there is one more thing, something your friend would want you to do. Live as if you'll die today, dream as if you'll live forever. This is the best way of making his life go on through you, because as long as you have him in your heart, he will live forever!
Take care and enjoy your life!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

I am very sorry for your loss. I think instead of staying home and grieving you should go on an adventure and explore the world that your friend cannot. He would probably appreciate it if you went on a hike through the mountains for him. You could go anywhere, on any kind of adventure whether it be through the city or a park. And then when you get back home, sit down and have a nice beer and think of all of the great times you had and how proud he would be that you didn't sit at home and feel sad.
Sincerely, Zoe.


It's beautiful that you want to celebrate his life instead of grieving! You are so brave and I admire that, I'm sure that your friend still lives somewhere in some other form and he is so happy and proud of you. Imagine that he will spend that day with you. What would you do together? Just sit and talk, go hiking, eat and drink, go to concert...? Spend that day the way you would spend it with him. Or do something that he would like to do if he was alive. Maybe you should climb some mountain for him that he has never done before? I know that you would choose the right thing, but the most important is your spirit and mind who needs to be with him as he was alive, talk to him and feel his presence he IS with you still. "Death will never conquer." Love, Kamili.

MANY OF US PICKED UP ON THE ADVENTURE PART, AMBER. IF YOU CHOOSE TO GO HIKING ETC. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU STAY SAFE & I SUGGEST YOU TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU. PLAN THE ROUTE, STICK TO IT AND LET PEOPLE KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING. O.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



April 10, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 16 April.

I have this friend. She hates my guts now. She won't talk to me at all. We were best friends. She said she doesn't have a reason why she hates me... I'm crushed and I've been listening to Warning Sign a lot now. What do I do? I see her 6 times a week. Samuel. USA.

Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to: theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



April 3, 2015 / submitted by Just A Ghost, France
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #211
So, a couple years back I was on a hike with a bunch of friends. One of my friends fell, she nearly went off the cliff but I was right there so she grabbed onto me and I got her onto ground. I was foolish. All I said was, "you okay?", but then I just sorta continued on. I was dumb to not realize that she was on her own. She lives in Utah now, far as you can see around where I live. Last Summer she was visiting, I found out that she was crying alone on that hike after. Scared to death. I can't live with myself now. I feel responsible for her. The fact that we don't keep in touch hurts me. I want to be like her best friend, I have this need to protect her. I am a musician and I've written songs for her but I don't know the best way to make these songs or what to do with them so she could realize how much I care and want to be her friend. So who do I turn to? Well, who else? The masters of music, Coldplay. I was just hoping to get advice from The Oracle to get me out of this Ghost Story.
Just a Ghost, France.

I think you need to stop beating yourself up. You were there for her: she held on to you, you stopped her fall, you asked if she was ok... there's not much more you could have done at the time. You weren't to know how scared she was if she hid it from you.
You are not responsible for her, not then and not now.
The fact that you don't keep in touch hurts you, so get in touch.
In the technological world we live in, there are so many ways to communicate - Skype, chat, text, email or even by old-fashioned telephone or letter. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you regret how you reacted. Be prepared for her to say that she doesn't want to be best friends and she may not feel the need to be protected but tell her.
I think letting it out will help you to let it go.
As for the songs, just record them on your phone. You don't need to go to any expense to express how you feel to her.
You could send her a link to a YouTube or a Soundcloud account. I'd keep the account private to respect her space. Perhaps also send her the lyrics.
Whatever you decide, be open and honest.
Over to you.

I recognize the story you present and I guess therefore you are also male.
I don't think you were dumb in the first place to be walking on after that incident on that hike. The lessons of life will teach that everybody IS on their own. However, you were at the right time and the right place to save her when it was needed. After that you and she were on your own again. The heightened awareness on a dangerous hike like that will put you in that mind-space. Afterwards, you think back and realize you were the stronger one and imagine different scenarios out of guilt. Actually, this is a silly thing to do... Even girls need strong lessons to learn they are not incompetent or weak like tradition and certain culture wants us to believe. We, as men, then feel compelled to be the protector. This is not necessary. Life, creation protects us all and never gives us more then we can handle. To belief that she needs you, is to believe that she is weak and unprotected and therefore you put yourself at risk also, because you believe the same for yourself. It is too bad you didn't contact her earlier, but I say, it's never too late to make amends. You can talk about your feelings and hers if she wants too. Chances are she wants/wanted to forget about the whole thing and it could be that you should also... Michael.


If you have a youtube channel, you could post a video of yourself singing that song your wrote for her and then link her to it. Also, you could write her an email and explain to her how you feel or maybe you could do a video chat with her and sing her that song live. The most important part is to be truly honest and humble. Adelina.

I'm originally from Jersey, so I'll be honest: the first half of your story sounds like a load of crap. If you feel bad for not checking on her welfare post-rescue, you are well within your means to contact her and say, "I'm sorry I didn't make sure you were feeling okay after your near fall, I feel bad...I'd like to catch up, want to get coffee?" I suppose you are inquiring for help because you feel you can't contact her and must communicate through music because you lack other means. If you do have her digits, give her a call. Enough nebulous b.s.
Assuming music is your only communication route, if she hears your music,maybe the notion that you are talking to her through song makes her feel crazy, because only crazy/narcissistic people would think that, right? It might relieve your mind (and hers) to make a move. Respect her contracts in life, but if you have a way to find answers, don't act helpless. Seriously. Get some grit and be brave.
Good Luck! Branwen.


I think the best way you can do is actually tell her that you sympathize her and that you really want to be her best friend. I know in ur part it's not that simple but come on pal! When are u going to have the guts to say it? If not today, when? I think, if u just ignore those butterflies of yours and have the guts to say how u truly feel, I think you and her will be best buds by now. By the way u speak of her. I think that she's nice and not hard to be friended. Its just the Guts. If you don't have it. It will just be nothing. Don't be scared to show or say how u feel, pretty sure it will end up good. :)
Best of luck to u and ur friend. Love, Shaine from Philippines. xx

A very interesting and complicated situation you have here my friend, but not impossible.
I see that you really got attached to this girl, that's very sweet, but I don't understand why haven't you made a step to get closer to her soul and heart.
It's very hard to lose any connection with someone, it's almost like you don't even exist for each other and that a really sad.
I know the feeling, I hate it, but after sometime, somehow, certain people come back to your life and they come to stay for good.
The thing is, you said you wrote songs for her, do a video or two and send them to her or, if you really have the possibility, go to her and sing those songs live.
A relationship is based on these kind of small gestures. A flower, or a chocolate or in my case, when I got Mylo Xyloto from a friend.
I'm afraid you will have to make the first step, even though it might seem a bit scary. I know you're brave and that you will do incredible things!! I also know that everything will be fine, because it is always fine.
Keep smiling and good luck!!
Take care of you!
Lost of Love from Romania!!
Madalina.


Why don't you write her an e-mail or a letter to explain your feelings and everything? I think that it comes first and then the music. You can make a video for her and send it, the distance is your helper because you won't have to play live for her :) But let's go backwards and question your real feelings towards her! If she's been just a friend, why would it be so difficult to you?? When it's about friendship, we usually don't have so much problems with talking, explaining, especially if the distance separates us, but your feelings and tortures are so strong regarding the big distance and being "just friends". So I suggest you to listen WARNING SIGN, but many, many times, until your truth comes out and then play it for her! You can do it :) With love, Kamili.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



April 3, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 9 April.

A dear friend of mine passed away last year in May at the very young age of 19. Rather than being distraught on the anniversary of his death, I'm hoping to do something special to celebrate his life. Do you have any suggestions? I'm currently in Sydney, Australia and he loved the mountains, good beer, and adventure, if that helps. I'm just not sure what to do and I need ideas because the last thing he'd want is for me to spend the day grieving in my room. I appreciate your advice.
Amber. USA.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to: theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



March 27, 2015 / submitted by Ryan, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #210
At the moment I am dealing with some problems I have been having with my partner for two years now but sometimes I feel like it's not going where I want it to.
Recently I've met this one girl who is really sweet and kind.
The dilemma is who do I choose and why my partner blames me for a lot of silly mistakes and really loses her cool sometimes? What if this new girl is the same and then I'm left alone and unhappy?

Who do you choose? How about neither. Nobody is perfect but if you're having your head turned, your current partner probably isn't the one for you.
I wonder if your partner appeared sweet & kind when you first met.
Who knows if the new girl will end up being the same as your partner? She may, she may not. You can't know what will happen in the future but if you run away every time the flaws in someone show up or things get tough, you very well may end up alone. Alone doesn't mean you'll be unhappy & it could be just what you need.
I don't think you should necessarily jump from one relationship to another. You don't need to be in a relationship.
I think you should look at your current situation before making a decision.
Perhaps you're being blamed for silly mistakes because you're making them but don't like the consequences. Nobody likes to be nagged and your girlfriend might not enjoy nagging you. Ask yourself if you're being a little hard on her or vice versa.
Maybe she loses her cool out of frustration. Have you asked her why? Talk to her. She may be aware that you're not all that invested in the relationship and she's venting. Find out.
If you love her, put more effort in and communicate. If you think it's worth fighting for, cut all ties with the new girl. It isn't fair on your partner to string her along and equally it's not fair to keep the new girl dangling.
You don't say where you wanted the relationship to go but if you truly believe your relationship is over regardless of the new girl, end it sooner rather than later.
If you like them both and want to be with one of them but honestly don't know who to choose, I'm with Johnny Depp who said, "if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
Over to you.

Sometimes relationships don't always go how you want them to. That is completely fine. When you're in a relationship with someone for a long time you can get too comfortable and fall into a routine. It can lead to no excitement.Since the relationship can get a tad bit boring, people start to find flaws in tiny things and arguing brings a new kind of excitement with it. I say if you really love your partner, then give it another shot. Try new and exciting things to spruce up the relationship. But, if you truly aren't happy anymore, I say follow your heart. It can hurt someone, but at the end of the day your own happiness is what truly matter.
I wish you the best of luck .
Sincerely, Genesis.

That's a bit of a toughy, but I will try my best. See, if you still feel a spark that's worth fighting for in your current relationship, then try and fix it. Talk to her about it, ask her (nicely, because people who are easily ticked off don't appreciate such questions) what makes her so angry all the time, try and work it out. If you don't seem to be feeling good about this, and love the other girl/woman more, then I suggest you leave your current relationship. Still, make sure you are certain this cannot work out, and that the other girl is into you in the first place. Remember, not all relationships are meant to be. Please think carefully about this before making any decision. I am sure if both don't work out, you will still find someone. Don't you worry yourself. Love, Solaf.

Hello Ryan. My name is also Ryan. That makes me qualified to help you with your predicament. But in all seriousness, I dated a girl for two years. I loved her, but she continuously hurt me. She would have mental breakdowns and blame me for her problems instead of letting me in and allowing me to support her. Still, I cared about her. I put so much effort in to try to fix something that was infinitely broken. Then, I met somebody else, a lovely person who interested me. For the first time in two years, I had a feeling of butterflies in my stomach, like I used to get in primary school. However, I did not pursue this girl, but I decided for myself that I wanted those butterflies more often. I wanted to meet new girls, take it slow, and to keep my options open. So, I made a decision to break up with my girlfriend of two years. A decision for myself, not this new girl. I think we, as people (including myself), continuously search for love or companionship, but in the end, we have to be happy on our own first. Only then we can make our loved ones happy and things will start to fall into place.
Good luck with your decision!
Love, Other Ryan.

Bear in mind, people come and go. In the end, you yourself will be the last person on earth that will sing he final lullaby song to help you to enter your last dream. Your partner and your new girl are persons who help you to arrange the lyrics and melody of your final lullaby. Nevertheless, you are the composer. The decision is in you, deep in yourself.
The new girl may be the reminder of what was thing you really look for in your relationship and you may decide to rejuvenate your relationship. In the other hand, she may be the love of your life, and living with your partner is the way to discover what you really need in your love life.
I have been trapped in such kind of decision and the lesson learned is the answer was always in myself. Kindness and sweetness are not ultimate things. Problem is not always a dead end. You may seek deeply what are beneath those kindness and sweetness and the problems in your relationship. You should find things fit you.
Happy self-discovering! Mikha. Indonesia.


Have you and your current partner tried some counseling? 2 years is a commitment and do you want to toss it away? All relationships require work and compromise after the "honeymoon" phase is over. Both of you are responsible for creating sparks and excitement to keep the relationship going. Isn't it worth fighting for?
The new girl has caught your eye because there's the novelty and excitement in a new relationship. The flirting, the blindness, the new found attention. Chances are after 2 years again, you may be looking again bc you're becoming complacent or your expectations of a partner are too high?
Open the communications with your current partner. Ask honest questions and listen with your heart, not your ego. Love is not disposable. It requires energy, honesty and compromises- TOGETHER.
Wishing you the best, Julie.

I don't think that considering your current relationship and this new girl as if they were part of the same problem is the best approach. First of all, you should think over your relationship; and then, after deciding whether or not to stay with your partner, think if you're gonna give this new girl a chance.
Have you tried to see things from the point of view of your partner? Does she lose her cool because you could have been more thoughtful? Or is she just overreacting and making things difficult for everyone? On this point, it would be useful to ask your friends about their impressions.
Being afraid of being alone and unhappy is not a good reason to stay in a relationship that doesn't go where you were expecting or doesn't fulfil you (no matter how much time the two people have been together). You stated that if this new girl is the same as your girlfriend, you would end up alone and unhappy. It doesn't sound like you're happy with the dynamic of your relationship. Be brave and make a change. Have a serious conversation with your girlfriend about your problems. It can lead to a break up, but it also can lead to a positive change in the relationship. Take that first step.
Always remember that you can be happy as a single individual too, and that's necessary in order to be able to have a healthy relationship. Wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.


It is said that if you are in a relationship and you fall in love with someone else, then you don't truly love the one next to you, but if you still come back to that person, then the other was just a distraction.
In your case, I think you just got used with your lover and now that you met someone new, everything has changed.
I've never been in a situation like yours, but I am known for the advice I can give.
I recommend you to talk to your girlfriend. Discuss with her about everything that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable and ask her to say the same. This way, you will start resolving the problem. If it just doesn't work, don't be afraid to try with someone else, but I do advice you to wait for a while.
Even though you may seem ready for a new relationship it doesn't mean you are.
Be patient and maybe try to be more careful when it comes to love, be more opened and don't lose hope.
I hope my answer helped!!
I wish you luck and a happy life!!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

You are facing a major decision and I really have to wonder what you are basing it on? Could it be that you are looking for a way out of this relationship? No shame in that but really what part have you played in your relationship troubles? If you don't answer that, you may indeed end up alone. We tend to bring the same behaviors to new relationships without even being aware of it. You say your current partner is blaming you for silly mistakes. Perhaps to her they are not so silly? Then you wonder if the new girl you fancy will be the same!! I really have to question your issues with trust and your expectations of a relationship, perhaps you need to mature a bit before pursuing either of these women, Laurie.

As someone who has been in a relationship for a very long time, I can tell you that everyone loses their cool over stupid mistakes and other things that their partner may or may not do. Since you've been in a relationship for 2 years, and you met a kind and sweet girl, you are probably going to get yelled at for getting to know this other girl. I wouldn't be very happy with my partner if he got to know another girl and was considering breaking up with me to start a relationship with her. Is it worth ruining what you already have?
I hope that this kind and sweet girl knows that you are already in a relationship because that wouldn't be fair to her. It's your choice to make. I wish that I could tell you what to do, but this is a decision that you have to make. If you are alone, would it be that bad? Good luck. C.

You should think about your current relationship as if there were no other girl "who is really sweet and kind", like you said. Even without that new person in your life, you say that your relationship is not going anywhere. If you feel so, you should think about breaking up, but no matter of a new person. You still don't know her well and you're afraid to find the same problems. That's the risk, but because of that I think that you shouldn't consider some other and new person while still being in relationship. I think that you should simply exclude any other person and just think about current relationship, asking yourself: Do I want to stay here no matter of other girls and how perfect they can be? Or do I want to leave this relationship because I'm not happy and I can't make her happy?
I think that those should be criterias for your decision: If you are happy and if you make other person happy. If not so, than talk to her and leave. After that you can consider new girls by getting to know them, now you can't know anything. Just because you like someone because she seems kind and sweet, doesn't mean you would be happy with her. So try to solve your relationship first and then think about new steps in life. I wish you luck! :) Kamili


The first thing I would say is, don't hold on to something that don't bring you anything anymore. If it doesn't make you happy, let it go. The second thing is, if you want to go forward and have better relationships, you need to work on yourself first. Try to understand why it's not working with your current girlfriend. Don't blame her but start to question yourself and your own behaviour and the effect it can have on her. Learn from that situation and your mistakes before engaging yourself into anything new or it would repeat again in another relationship. Learn from bad situations and improve yourself, be more understanding and self-aware and your relationships will only improve and bring you more joy.
With Love, Chloe.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



March 27, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 2 April.

So, a couple years back I was on a hike with a bunch of friends. One of my friends fell, she nearly went off the cliff but I was right there so she grabbed onto me and I got her onto ground. I was foolish. All I said was, "you okay?", but then I just sorta continued on. I was dumb to not realize that she was on her own. She lives in Utah now, far as you can see around where I live. Last Summer she was visiting, I found out that she was crying alone on that hike after. Scared to death. I can't live with myself now. I feel responsible for her. The fact that we don't keep in touch hurts me. I want to be like her best friend, I have this need to protect her. I am a musician and I've written songs for her but I don't know the best way to make these songs or what to do with them so she could realize how much I care and want to be her friend. So who do I turn to? Well, who else? The masters of music, Coldplay. I was just hoping to get advice from The Oracle to get me out of this Ghost Story.
Just a Ghost, France.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



SEARCH: