Oracle
362 oracle items tagged as team oracle
July 25, 2014 / submitted by Danna, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #177
I would like to share a problem I have with myself. Right now I'm a school drop out, but I'm going back to school in January and after that I will go to law school. Despite that, I feel quite lost. I don't feel I'm good at something, I don't think I have a talent. I have nobody to talk about this and I was wondering if you can help me with this. Maybe some wise words or a pious lie to make me feel better. Thank you in advance.

I'll let you into a secret. With one year to go, after my O'levels but before my A'levels, I dropped out of school. I didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life but felt that school wouldn't get me there.
I spent the next two years in college to get a qualification. While waiting for my results I got a job. I then spent the next few years in that chosen career.
When I was in my mid 20s, I changed my mind. A totally new direction down a new path. I wanted to get into the music industry. I didn't know if I would be good at it, but because I had an interest in it the motivation was there - and determination.
It was hard but my passion helped drive me.
It turned out I was good at it and I guess that's what you could call my talent.
I also ended up going to night classes to get my A'levels. It felt better to go on my terms and there was no pressure on me to achieve as I was already working.
What I'm trying to say is, it's never too late. It can take time to find your path and work out what strengths you have. You won't know until you're at law school so in the meantime, don't worry. You may find law is your calling but if it isn't, you can always change.
Good luck!
Over to you.

For years I felt like I had no talent, nothing I was really good at. Years. Now that years have passed I can see why I thought that. When I thought about talent it was always something I saw other people do, like painting, designing, playing the piano, sports, music, photography, etc. We end up defining talent by what we see other people do well. (Pinterest is NOT reality!) A talent can be something as simple as making people around you smile just because you are smiling or being a good listener when someone needs it. I use to wish I could play the piano as well as my best friend or swim as awesome as my other friend but you know what, now I look at the people around me and realize there are so many other things that are waaaay more important in life and I am surrounded by people who can't play the piano or paint or sing or cook or play sports but they amaze me at all the other things they do! Things that can't be shown at a talent show or performed on a stage or displayed in a display case.??� And I bet they think they have zero talent, too. You'll figure things out. Give yourself some credit! Don't measure your self worth according to what talents you think you don't have. Always try new things and you will eventually find something you love (maybe that will be yourself!) Good luck! Carrie.

Listen dear, first thing's first, don't ever ever leave school again, whatever you do, just don't. Anyways, I know how you feel since my older brother has the exact same issue. Like I always say, don't do something if you don't feel fully indulged in it, because if you don't like it and you're stuck with it, you're going to be extremely miserable. There's always a subject of interest in any person's life and you may not know what it is but trust me, it's there! You're just going to have to look for it, and strive to find it. It's all a matter of patience and effort. Don't like something? Change it! Don't stick with it if it makes you uncomfortable, because even if you're really successful but actually depressed, it's like you've gained absolutely nothing. Each and every individual has that one thing that makes them feel passionate and euphoric, for some its sculpting, for some its drawing, for some its hunting, whatever it is it's always there, and all you've got to do is take a little break and go on a little adventure to find yours. I used to always feel talentless, but when I confronted myself I knew that I never looked hard enough. After I took my time and searched for it, I actually found it! All in all, look for that passion that will drive and motivate you, you will find it, it's lurking out there somewhere. I hope you feel better. Cheers! Solaf.

Danna, the feeling you have is quite understandable, and natural. The
road you are on is unfamiliar. That comes with feelings of uncertainty, feeling lost, like sailing without a compass. Going down the road you have travelled before is the familiar, easy way. An unknown territory or road always feels uncomfortable. But you can do it. It's quite brave what you've done so far. You have found the guts to finish school and in doing so, you acknowledged for yourself that you can do this, even if life happened to you a few years back. Well done! Next step is to trust that whatever will happen, that it will all work out right. And if not, at least you tried. Who knows, this decision might be the life experience you will look back on in a few years as being the best decision you made, in many ways. Good luck!
Another D.


You seem like you've found a new sense of control with your decision to go back to school. (Trust me, anyone who is going to law school has to have a good grip on life.) Although you've hit a bump in the road, you've just got to keep pushing through. Focus on the positive and push out the negative. You can't find yourself or your talents when that bump in the road is holding you back! School Is and always will be a very stressful place, and if you don't have a good head on your shoulders going into it, then it becomes extremely overwhelming. Who knows, maybe at law school you'll discover whether practicing law is your thing or not and if it isn't then that's okay. You have to be wiling to try and take chances or you won't even learn what you're good at and what your not good at. I'm sure that you are a wonderful, smart, beautiful human being who hasn't realized her potential but when you do, oh boy, look out, because there will be nothing to stop you!
Brittany, Gilbertsville PA.

Everyone has something they're good at, so do you. Not everyone is born with natural talents, like being able to sing really well or the brains to become the next Da Vinci, but if you find something you enjoy and you put a lot of time and effort (and with a bit of luck) in it, you could make it your talent. Maybe you just haven't found your talent yet. Or maybe it's there, but you fail to notice it. Talent doesn't always have to be something big or noticeable. Maybe people find it easy to talk to you and trust you with their problems or maybe you are good at writing reports and essays, they might not be the 'talents' you were hoping for and they are more common then some other talents, but like I said just find something you enjoy, which is mostly something you're already good at, and find a way to make it your talent(i.e.: if you're good at writing, why not try to write a short story or a book?). Good luck!� Amanda.

Drifting in the emptiness is where we find ourselves. It is a time of powerful creation and change and it's never easy. Of course you have talents! You should develop and identify your interests. Here is what I've found helpful: Get a notebook. Keep it with you. Every time you wonder about something, write it down and research later. Your mind will expand: "Okay, so now I know this... that seems erroneous... where's the truth... what if this other scenario occurred?" Keep recording your musings and ideas.
This becomes a Map of Your Creative Mind. Watch it grow and expand. It's silly to think you have to have it all figured out now, as life is a journey and you never know where it will take you. You don't know who you will meet, what opportunities will come your way and what obstacles you will overcome. Maturity and mastery does not come in a day. Also, don't look so much for praise from others, or affirmation of your talents from them because most people are just as lost inside as you feel and their opinion is often a bunch of muddled rubbish anyway. People who offer lots of praise to those desperately seeking it often are manipulators and users, so best to just toss that desire off the cart. When you stop looking for the praise, a truly heartfelt and selfless affirmation given to you will be easy to identify and can be accepted quietly and humbly by your own heart.
Blessings, Branwen.

Nobody is perfect; not even the idols we believe are perfect creations of god and can do no wrong. Nothing is set in stone; there is no limitation to what we can dream and achieve. All it takes is accepting who we are, understanding our strengths and weaknesses and to try and work it towards our advantage. Surely we will make mistakes. Without them no journey is worthwhile. Learn from them and be all the wiser for it.
Talent is not always something big. It can be the smallest of things like making a baby smile. Talent is not just innate. It is also something we can develop over time. You may like something but without you persevering in that particular thing for long, till you become really good at it, no matter how many times you fail, you will never know if that is your talent or not. So, list the things you like to do and keep going at it till you find your 'talent'.
You are already on your way and doing better than most. You dropped out of school but now you are starting again. Accepting you failed and rising up again despite that failure is a sign of what true human spirit is all about. Doubt is a good thing for it tests the strength of our beliefs. But don't let it override your decisions. Continue on your journey and stop second guessing yourself.
Best wishes, Rex, India


Thank you for being brave and sharing. Sounds like you are bit stressed and overwhelmed with things that are happening and not happening in your life. Congratulations on choosing to go back to school-that's a huge step and knowing that you will be continuing onto law school? Another leap of faith by you!
As for feeling lost, not everything and everyone has a plan. Sometimes the best things in life happen when you least expect it "without" a plan. You stress more about things that might happen and create expectations for a future that you have no control over.
Don't feel lost. You may not even realise the things you are good at. You may be a great listener. Are there people and friends in your life who rely on you for that? You may be a great organizer, how else would you have gotten it all together to return to school? You must be a great debater to choose law school. Perhaps you are a great visionary with the ability to see a myriad of perspectives, certainly an asset in the law field.
Find your closest friends, family or your mentor, if you have one. Ask them honestly (and be prepared to listen) what you're really good at. Tell them that you can't see the trees from the forest right now and could really use their help. There's no harm in asking, just emotionally prepare yourself to listen with your open and vulnerable heart.
"Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure." - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
Wishing you all the best, no lies... feel better soon! xx Julie

I guess that you still are young and to be honest I am a little bit jealous because you have so much in front of you.
Everyone has something they are good at and it don't have to be something "traditional", try to think "outside the box" and without limits. Maybe you have not find out your unique talent/talents yet. Write down a list of things you like and are good at, ask friends or family for help. If you feel unsure about your studies for example, you can change direction and study something else or take a year off. It is not written in stone. Try to focus on the positive things in your life and do what you want to do. Travel if you have the possibility and spend time with friends and family that makes you feel good. Trust your intuition and follow your heart. I wish you the best and good luck with everything. Love, Ann-Sofie from Sweden.


I have found that often the feeling of being lost is your Soul's way to be found. Meditation may help to guide you to the realization of all the talent that you truly do possess. As an aside, your gifts are many and you will be successful in an avenue that you have not considered. You are planning to attend law school, is this to please someone else? Remember that recognition from others has little value when you don't harbor a strong belief in your capabilities and self-worth.
When we find our path, we also find things run smoothly and easily. When we are singing our song, living life according to the flow of our path, we find happiness, joy and love. However, when we try to please others, or when our song has been thwarted or misdirected, life's waters can be harsh. It is important to be guided by your inner intuition and to honor yourself and your truth. In order to discern what is best for us, we must always choose the place of light within us that honors our true calling, and empowers our self-worth. "Do what you love and the money will follow" - Marsha Sinetar
Be Well-Be Blessed-Be Yourself (everyone else is already taken) Cheers, Dani USA.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



July 25, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 31 July.

I have this optimistic feeling around me, where everything is possible even in the darker, difficult, uncomfortable moments of life. I'm telling you this because suddenly I realized that my family is awesome even when my parents aren't the best example of a couple. They had horrible arguments in front of us; my siblings were more affected on their behaviour than me. Now, my brother, sister and myself are in a stage where we can say we have succeeded.
I'm so proud of them, the three of us have a degree or are about to get it, so I wanted to share with the whole world their achievements as I've heard stories of children that because of their loneliness they tend to forget their dreams. My siblings are a clear example of 'being hardworking brings you hope'. That's why I want to ask, do you have a wonderful story which makes you be proud of everyone who is around you?
Maybe my story and my question could sound silly or not enough interesting but I believe the world needs to hear or read more hopeful stories rather than harmful ones.
Thanks in advance, you're such a lovely person!
PS. And the last thing I want to share is my favourite phrase at the moment 'Life gives us colourful challenges' mentioned by one member of my favourite band Coldplay! Isabel, Mexico.


Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



July 11, 2014 / submitted by Tyler, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #176
I've been having a problem lately saying what I have been wanting to say for a very long time. I will get close to saying what I need to say to certain people in my life (friends, family, past flames, etc.) but at the last moment my mind stops me, like it's the wrong thing to do. I've been wanting to spill all of my thoughts into the open about how I have been miserable without certain people there as friends in my life and how maybe I need more help with sorting out my feelings, but when I get close to writing it all down or leaving messages on their phones, I see how happy they are without me in their lives and I just, I don't want to feel like I am ruining that. What do I do? Do I spill the beans to stop being miserable or do I let them be happy and go on with their lives? I wish I could let all of this go but it's just a difficult concept. Thank-you for taking the time to read this because I really appreciate it.

Let me start by wishing you a very happy birthday, Tyler! I happen to know it's your birthday so let's hope the advice below will help get the next year off to a good start.
I feel as individuals we have the right to voice our feelings and opinions without retribution. There are sayings such as 'honesty is the best policy' that I do subscribe to. Mind you, they also say 'ignorance is bliss'. The people around you don't know how you feel & it sounds like you don't want to ruin their bliss. It's not healthy to harbour these feelings inside. You need to get them out. I think the key to expressing yourself freely might be to consider the effect your words may have on someone and deliver them accordingly.
Your negative feelings may evoke another's negatives feelings and perhaps that's why you have steered clear of showing them but there are ways of saying things that could avoid any unpleasantries.
It may sound like I am contradicting myself here but what someone else thinks or feels about what you say, is their issue to deal with (and vice versa of course). The most important thing is that you put your point across and are heard.
I think you should unburden yourself but tread gently. Letters can be re-read and taken in uninterrupted but the written word can easily be misinterpreted. I suggest you talk to people face to face. It won't be easy but hopefully you will feel a huge weight has been lifted and continue to speak freely in the future.
Plan what you're going to say (write notes if it helps). Explain that you have something important to convey and if you feel it necessary, warn them that may not like what they hear. Speak slowly and make sure people let you finish before they reply. Listen to their reply and respect their response.
You can't do anything about how your words are taken or how they will answer but the main thing is to be true to yourself.
Over to you.

'If you listen to fear, then you cannot hear your heart'.
On the other side of your fear is everything you want. You just have to listen only to your heart.
We live in a crazy world and the only thing you truly have is your own heart, mind and soul.
If your heart is telling you to contact these people then please listen - this is your duty.
Whilst you may think that your strong desire to make contact is merely for your own benefit, perhaps you also need to consider the greater mystery?
It is a very sad and scary fact - but we never truly know what is happening to someone 'behind closed doors'. Whilst you think that this person seems wonderfully 'content and happy' perhaps they are being forced to hide their suffering and are in fact crying out for your help? Hence, your strong desire to contact them?  I think we have all experienced those instances when we have done something thoughtful for another person and they say "You have no idea how much I needed that today?".
The wonderful thing is that not only could you potentially help another person but you will also warm your own heart by finally being close to the person (people).
So please get writing, phoning - running! Please listen to your heart - they truly are wise and beautiful gifts.
Much love and light and blessings. Penelope.


Tyler, I can relate to you because I have felt the same way also. But let me assure you that there's nothing wrong to let your feelings float because I'm sure it has been painful to hold on things that you really want to say. Just tell your friends, family, etc what you want to say and that you need them in your life back and as human I'm sure it's such a nice feeling to be important to someone so I suggest you to open up to them. About them being happy, who knows if they actually miss you and need you also? I mean some people don't really express the way they feel out loud and you might get a mutual feeling. Plus it will be such a huge relief to let out the things that burden you. So yeah spill the beans, Tyler and good luck! Natasha.

I think I can give you a help because I can somehow identify myself with you, I got amazed.
The problem can be in yourself or in others, you can have difficult in expressing your feelings or something it's putting you uncomfortable and having difficult in expressing feelings it doesn't always mean you are a shy person, you just need a "push".
I admired the fact that you really want to get close to your friends, you should do it because you love people. People can love you if you are yourself, don't worry about it!
I can give you my example: I play guitar and would like to sing too but i'm shy enough to don't sing, I don't let that ruin my life, I can improve a little bit my skills in the guitar and show it to people and thrill with them and who knows I get inspired. Catarina.


I think I can give you a help because I can somehow identify myself with Here's a secret about people: they want to feel good about themselves. They want to be appreciated, known, and cared for by others.
With that said, if you ever ask for help from your friends, family, or anyone, that gives them a confidence boost that they're reliable, that they're trustworthy, that they're someone to go to during help. (That's why teachers are there during schools: they're there to not only teach you about subjects, but to help you in understanding them. And if you ask questions to them because you're lost, it's not because you're bothering them, but because you're looking up to them as a source for help.)
When you ask questions, you are never bothering anyone. You are showing, unconditionally, that you look up to them, that you're asking THEM for help (and that you were thinking about them)!
Let me tell you: asking for help takes a lot of courage. I believe that you are strong to ask for help, that you're grand to show that certain friends are special to you. I KNOW that you can do this, Tyler, and I KNOW that people will feel appreciated to know that you care about them.
Not a lot of people express their love to others enough. But I know that you can change that, Tyler. It took guts to ask for help, and we're here to support you every step of the way!
Do your greatest, Tyler! #YouCanDoIt! Lawrence.

It's time to speak up and be honest with your friends and family. Past flames are just that, part of your past unless you still have some current interaction with them. The sad thing is you can't be saying things are always "fine" when they're not.
All these feelings and words unsaid are being buried inside of you. One day they will all manifest in ways like stress, that affects your physical and emotional health. Worry about you first, not about what people think of you. I know peer pressure and family pressures can be very challenging and difficult. You need to take care of you and your own happiness.
Don't get me wrong, you need to find those who are closest to you. The ones who have seen you at your best and those who still stand beside you at your worst. Those are the ones who will keep your confidence and keep you honest. Ask them one day if you can be honest with them about some things that are weighing you down. If they say yes, they have given you their permission to share what ever it is you need to tell. Once you've told it, give those stories and feelings an ending, and let them go. If they still linger, then write those stories down on a piece of paper, and burn it. Once those ashes are gone, let go of the painful past, and move on.
It's hard to be in the present. You have to make a conscious effort to learn from the past and let it go. Live in the present, and welcome the future with open arms. Good things happen when you least expect them to. And usually history doesn't repeat itself.
We're given a gift of a new day with each morning. How we decide to write in our diaries each day is up to you!
Be brave. Be happy and be well. Julie.


I understand how difficult it is to tell your friends personal things, especially the first time. But non-solved problems are always getting worse, believe me. So sit down one time, take a deep breath and tell the problem in one breath. With going around the subject (as we call it in the Netherlands) makes it harder to come at the point.
You also said you don't want to ruin your friends lives. Maybe you should see it this way: When your friends see there is something and you don't tell it, they might feel very uncomfortable. Being straight forward, for now, is my advice.
Good luck, Isabelle.

You have to do things in life that make you happy. Never feel bad about wanting to express your true feelings or emotions to anyone. Keeping things bottled inside isn't helping you, it's just making you feel more stress and anxious.You need to trust in yourself, and sit the people down that you want to open up to, and then do so. You aren't ruining anyone's life by making sure the way YOU feel is known, and if anyone makes you feel that way, then wouldn't it feel good to know that, so you can continue your life journey without that baggage of the unknown? Free yourself, its okay to make anything you feel known, honest. And yeah, it's really hard to come clean about things when you've been keeping them so close to your heart, but start with one person you trust and love the most, and then tell them whats been going on and have them just listen to you. Trust me, the burden will be lifted off you, and you'll gain the confidence to make sure everyone knows your true self and feelings and you will stop hiding behind your fear. Melissa.

Write it all down, your feelings, wishes, and regrets. Get it all on paper so you can see it in black and white. You say you have been holding back for a long time, you may not even realize exactly what you want, you just know you do not want to feel the way you do right now. If apologies are in order or forgiveness is due- then give them freely without any expectations. If you walked away from relationships and now think you made a mistake, go tell them how you feel, again without expectations.
It is not other people's job to love or fix you. It is yours. Do not misunderstand me, there is NO judgment here. Feelings are not right or wrong they just are. However; how we allow those feelings to become actions or reactions is our responsibility solely. Our ego strives to make us feel okay and avoid discomfort, but sometimes a little miserable is our Soul trying to nudge us in the right direction. Speak your truth, but speak it to yourself first. Trying to recapture the past is not the way to move forward to your path. There is one day you can do nothing about, and that day is yesterday. You only have control over yourself this moment, right now, this minute. You are strong , but you cannot possibly gather all the new gifts for your life with your hands full of the past.
Be Well-Be Blessed-Be Yourself (everyone else is already taken) Dani USA.

You are right about how hard it is to be open and honest sometimes. The reason for this could be that you are fearing what kind of reaction you will get. You also mention that you feel you should' let them be happy without you in your lives'. This makes me wonder if something has happened in the past. What ever it is, ask yourself which is easier to live with; the angst you feel now, or the consequences of speaking up. This is something only you can answer, knowing the people in question, and how they will likely react. Could a greater problem result?? Or could it lead to a healing for you? Perhaps an impartial friend familiar with this could serve to give you a heads up in terms of what to expect. Good luck with it, take care, Laurie.

Tyler, the most important thing is to be true to yourself. Keeping things bottled up inside creates so much toxicity. "Do I spill the beans to stop being miserable or do I let them be happy and go on with their lives?" Perhaps there's a way for both of these outcomes to happen. Are you absolutely sure that sharing what is in your heart will be received with negativity? Are you sure that what you have to express would actually cause their happiness to decrease? So often, the mind can get going on an endless loop, escalating a situation that is really only in our thoughts. I have a feeling that if you shared with total honesty, from a place of love (without expecting something in return), you would be surprised by what may happen. Write your feelings out and then decide whether or not to share them. Sometimes just writing without filters releases the grip the unexpressed feelings have. Release it so you can move on and create the life you are meant to live. You deserve happiness, too. With love, Alia.

It makes me sad that you don't feel well. In life you share happiness and sorrow with your friends and family, that is what friends and family are for. I am sure that you will feel much better if you share your thoughts with them and I am sure that some of them will listen. If not, you will know that it's not a real friend. You write that you don't want to ruin their happy life. Things are sometimes not what it appears to be. A person who looks happy on the outside might not be happy in the inside. Life is also like a rollercoaster, it goes up and down. Maybe next time it's your turn to listen to them. I wish you the best and hope that you will feel much better when you have shared your thoughts and feelings with friends and family. Love, Ann-Sofie, Sweden.

I wonder why you feel that you would ruin their happiness by opening up to them. You've completely ruled out the possibility that you could make them happy, or at least not make them happy or sad.To me, that seems just as unrealistic as expecting to be the center of all their lives. You should remember that, yes, time has passed and people grow apart, but people can also grow closer with time and effort. So if they really do mean a lot to you, just ask yourself if they're worth the effort and the risk of putting yourself out there for a brief moment of your life. As for handling your emotions, not asking for help from friends or family will only make you feel isolated. I don't know your age but If you're old enough you could see a therapist on your own and It could be private. Trying to ignore the way you feel or assuming your feelings don't affect people around you will only lead to more complicated and negative emotions. It just doesn't work if you're trying to live a happy life. Opening up and confronting yourself will be a step forward. Hope this helps. Love, Darem.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



July 11, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply. I will be on holiday next week and so you have an extra week to get your replies in.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight (GMT) Thursday 24 July.

I would like to share a problem I have with myself. Right now I'm a school drop out, but I'm going back to school in January and after that I will go to law school. Despite that, I feel quite lost. I don't feel I'm good at something, I don't think I have a talent. I have nobody to talk about this and I was wondering if you can help me with this. Maybe some wise words or a pious lie to make me feel better. Thank you in advance. Danna. U.K.

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



July 4, 2014 / submitted by Laine, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #175
I've gotta admit I am kind of depressed right now. You see, I have a huge crush on this guy, and well, he is soooo out of my league. He plays tons of sports. And here I am. I have cerebral palsy. It isn't severe, but it's enough to make me different. Noticeably different. And I feel like nobody is ever going to love or want me because nobody wants someone with a disability. How do I move on? I just feel ugly and unwanted.

I don't really subscribe to the theory of someone being out of your league. Anyone who thinks they're "punching above their weight" or "did well" is usually referring to aesthetics and attraction isn't always just about the physical.
I also think that - thankfully - there are people in this world who see inner beauty rather than the facade.
The world is full of people and of course not everyone we fall for is going to feel the same. Love isn't always reciprocal but it's worth finding out.
Personally, I don't believe in "the one". There's someone for everyone. I actually think it's possible to have more than one someone for everyone. Whether it's Ms./Mr. Right or Ms./Mr. Right Now, it's a journey so enjoy the ride.
If you like this guy, make friends with him (if you're not already), get to know him, be yourself and try to put your differences out of your mind.
We're all unique regardless of how that manifests itself. Embrace your differences. Work on your self-esteem and what you feel you have to offer. Focus on the positive because one thing I can almost guarantee, negativity isn't attractive to anyone - hot sporty boy or not.
Once you feel good about who you are, anyone will be lucky to be with you. Good luck, Laine.
Over to you.

I understand how crushing on someone feels. You want to be everything he/she wants. And more than often , you're not exactly. It is both a gift and a curse to develop feelings for someone. A gift because it gives us a sense of being alive and humane , someone to look forward to seeing everyday, and a curse because it hurts not having your feelings returned. I'm deeply sorry about your condition ,but I'm not sorry about the way you feel about yourself, because it's plain wrong to think of yourself that way. What you need now , than more negativity , is a positive outlook in life , and confidence. I believe if you're a genuinely nice person , you can melt even the toughest hearts, no matter your disabilities. Be patient , and also know that there is always good in the bad. Thomas.

A handicap/disorder does limit you in some situations, that's correct, but it doesn't limit you in love at all. Myself, for example, I have autism. Though I have friends and an almost-relationship (long story).
What I'm trying to say is that a handicap/disorder has nothing to do with true love (wow, Coldplay again). If you really love him, you must go for it.
Goodluck,
Isabelle

I'm not gonna tell you I'm sorry or things like that, even though I really am, but I'm sure you've heard it thousand times in your life and it didn't help you at all. The only thing I'd like to tell you is that simply everything in your life is up to you, no matter what. I understand that life is not fair, we haven't been given the same chances, appearance or personalities, literally every one of us is different. And from my point of view, this is the way we should live our lives, we should use what we've been given, live according to our own rules. There is no point in comparing yourself to others, because you simply cannot be like them and if you stop for a second and think about it, you'll notice that maybe you don't even want to. We all have our own different problems which I think nobody else but us can handle. Make the most of what you've been given, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, it's only up to us what we're gonna let the world see. I think you feel depressed, ugly and unwanted mostly because you see yourself this way. The tricky thing about love is that you always need to love yourself before entering anybody's heart and mind. Discover the strengths you're hiding from the world to be able to fight your daemons. And to that sportsman... maybe he's not only keen on sports. Aneta.

Laine, please, let me tell you one honest thing: that guy is no more than a miserable narcissus. He won't be able to love someone, because he is concentrated on himself. And you put yourself down setting this man like an icon, an idol. The pure natural beauty is designed inside the soul, not in the outer look. But nevertheless, I imagine you like a beautiful girl with warm heart. You deserve someone who can carry you through the long-long life. Only real love is a reason for us to help with the hardest problem ever to the person you shared your heart with. You should wait. Somewhere in the world there is a soul which is your nearest and dearest person. All the Nature's laws pronounce that two souls existing for each other finally come together. When someone will fall in love with you as deeply as Space is, he will accept everything. And what will be your cerebral palsy? Nothing. When you love someone, everything bad fades away. And the world around freezes. Only you both breathe and keep moving. And your hearts are beating like one. That's what is waiting for you right now. Believe me and be strong, little Laine. With huge hugs and many tons of support, Andy. Odessa, Ukraine.

Love has nothing to see with sharing sports and physical attraction... Love is something that belong to our soul.
You are right to be depressed as what you see around you is only exteriority, I am depressed too about it.But there is a positive point about your disability, this will make you to attract only people who care about your interiority and it will avoid you loosing time to misinterpreting love, as happen to the others.
Sure that one day you will find your half soul in the right person, no matter who he is and what he does because he will accept, without any trouble, how special you are and together you will share the real love. Unknown.
PS: I love a man who is not physically here anymore, but this has not changed our love.


I think you are in very bad trouble but, you shouldn't worry. I was in same things with you. I understand your feelings. You have 2 ways for the future.
First Way; "Show Him How Much You Love Him"
Look for chance how can you show him because, Everybody loves interest and love so, if you love him your league and beauty isn't important. You are equal with him. Don't think he is better than you OK? 
Second Way; "Love Other Guy"
Find your equivalent boy and deal so much to love him. Dream so many good moments with him, you will be lover. This way is easy and you will feel least hurts.
If you ask "Which way did you do?". Before I tried First Way but I failed :-). After I tried Second Way and I succeeded. I have new now and I am very happy.
I hope you will succeed with First Way. If you fail and looking for last hope, listen Death and All His Friends and find that. Bigo.

You are just as beautiful and important in this world as everyone else. Go ahead and talk to this boy! Get to know him, find some mutual interests, and become his friend. You never know what could happen from there unless you try. You may either discover that you have chemistry together or realize he is not as awesome of a guy as you thought he was. Do not get too down if it doesn't work out. It definitely doesn't mean you will never find someone. There are lots of guys out there who would feel lucky to love you. Your disability doesn't define you. You are a person, just like everyone else, made up of many different flaws and strengths that all together create something beautiful. Any good person knows that and will appreciate you for who you really are. Also, if you haven't already, I recommend you read the popular poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann. Wishing you all the best! Alex, Canada.

Sorry to hear that you are not in a good frame of mind. 
It seems that you are challenged with a disease that you don't have any control over. That being said, aren't you judging others before they even meet you or get to know you better?
I am sure that you have incredible talents, strengths and interests. What are they? What do you do that is amazing? Share these with people. You want strangers to find a common thread in you, share it. I know it's hard when you are self conscious. Try to be brave and take a baby step. You don't know much about the "crush" guy and you might be surprised to find that he's not as superficial as you might think him to be. Take a leap of faith, you never know till you try.
Do something that surprises yourself. Do something that scares you just a bit.
You might be really surprised at the result. You will find someone who will love you with an open heart and will notice your heart, your mind, your personality not your disabilities.
Don't give up hope, channel your energies. Maybe drop "crush" guy, a card with a note in the mail.
As for your broken heart right now, seek out some unconditional love.
If you have a pet, they'll heal part of your heart and spirit.
You are not alone. Everyone has challenges, some you can easily see, and some you can't.
Wishing you all the best. Be brave. Find hope. Be well. Julie.

I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. However, I think you should understand that if someone doesn't love you for who you are, including your disability, then they don't deserve love you at all. I'm sorry that you might not have a chance with this guy, but I promise that there is someone who will love you for who you are. They will love you for yourself, even if it's not this guy. If you want to get over this guy, just stop thinking about him, and it will get easier. Love, Claire, USA.

You are not disabled. You are differently abled. There is a huge difference.
We put people into "leagues". You have to realize that people see us much differently than we see ourselves.
We are our own worst enemies when it comes to seeing our own value and worth.
You have strengths and weaknesses. So does he.
Instead of looking to what you may not be able to do, you need to focus on what you can do and do that.
Love is accepting. If it's not this guy, it will be another. You need to FLY. (First love yourself). Surround yourself with your friends and family. Join teams or groups doing the things that you love. Feel good about the abilities you do have and once you are feeling good, you will trip right over love.
Best regards, Tan.

Nobody perfect in this world. Even me or The Oracle who knows everything (I think I'm wrong, might be). So, let me tell you something about your problem. Well, I felt that everyday with my crush. And I always tell to myself HE NEVER LIKE YOU, FORGET ABOUT HIM' . One day I watched a movie from Thailand. Which the story is kinda same with my story. A girl who looks disability love a boy who plays soccers who is very handsome. The girl always tried to make a boy loves her until the girl want to tell the about her feeling but he already belongs to someone else. But we can see in the end of story that the truth is the boy is already in love with the girl before she make impress him. So, maybe it's gonna be your story. Don't ever stop to love him and be who you are and don't be afraid. Because I know even I can't see you right now I know that you are beautiful and everybody want to be around with a beautiful girl like you.
Love, Dahlia.


Your situation, Laine, is so sad to read, mainly because you feel "ugly and unwanted" due to circumstances beyond your control.  I'm sure dealing with any kind of physical condition such as yours will be a lifelong struggle, but the first thing you should recognize is that your impairment doesn't - and shouldn't - define YOU as a person. Don't assume anything, about anyone else, either. Allow the young man to get to know you and take it from there. Unfortunately, you will meet some people who find it hard to deal with your condition, but until you allow them to get to know you, there will never be a chance for anyone to like you - or even love you - for yourself.  Aren't we all different in one way or another?
I'm hoping you will speak to the people who monitor your physical disabilities, be it your family, close friends, physicians. If not themselves, they can surely guide you to a professional who can address your emotional troubles. Everyone has an inner beauty - allow it to shine through! You are not ugly - just lacking in confidence and the needed ability to handle social encounters. I know your beauty is just waiting to shine through, so give it a chance.
Blessings, Sandy

Look, to tell you the truth, it doesn't matter if you're noticeably different. Every girl has felt ugly and unwanted at least once in her life. If you weren't as you are, you'd probably have issues with the way you look, or things you say, or anything else !
About this guy - how well do you know him ? You know, a guy is human after all - he will fall in love with a girl he feels good around etc. Keep in mind that relationships never rely on appearances, but on personality! In other words, my advice to you is : keep your faith. You will find somebody worthy of your love, who will love your "differences" and everything else about you. But what's really important is that you find the strength to love yourself, because if you don't, how do you expect someone else to ?
Hope you'll find your prince charming.
Valentine, France.


Lovely One.... 'It's not what you are that holds you back; it's what you think you're not'. D. Waitley. I do not know a Soul that hasn't felt the heart break of a crush. The search for love is timeless; just look at the amount of dating sites and people trying to find that special someone. The secret is... to first find yourself.  Loving yourself and getting to know who you are; your talents, gifts, and what you have to bring to this world is the best place to start.  As your self-confidence grows your sparkle and beauty will radiate out and that will attract the right person for you.
I work with a man that has cerebral palsy, it is severe. I watch him walk a long hallway to get to his office and see him some times have to use his hands to push on the back of his legs to get his stride going. He is different - he is astounding! I tell you this not as some kind of dramatic comparison - I tell you this because he has a beautiful wife, adorable kids, and humble yet confident aura about him. It is who you are, not how you walk or talk, that is important.  Do not settle or put restriction on what is possible for your life. There is someone out there that is meant just for you. There is someone that will look at you and see A Sky Full of Stars.
Be Well-Be Blessed-Be Yourself (everyone else is already taken). Cheers to you, Dani USA.

The first thing that jumped out at me while reading your post was the term "he's so out of my league". While this guy may be active in sports that you are not, this does not put him in a place above you. Dear Laine, though we have never met, I know there is more to you than your disability! What is in your mind and heart is what matters. Now I know our society puts great value in our looks (I get this, I am a middle aged woman!), but I would like you to focus on all the things that you love about yourself, and your uniqueness, and your special qualities that make you you. Remember, there is only one Laine in the world! Don't be hard on yourself. I know the feeling of waking up some days and feeling ugly and insecure. We all have those days. But what gets me through is knowing there is no one out there exactly like me, so I'm going to be the best version of myself that I can be. Best of luck to you Laine. I am rooting for you!
Christine from Tracy, California.


I realize that your situation maybe a little bit different, but I am going to give you the same advice that I give anyone who feels alone or unloved.
Many of us have at one time or another felt unloved, alone or loved another that does not love us. So many times we are told that we will find someone, and just to be patient and wait for it. But maybe we need to re-program how we think about romantic love.
Don't wait for someone to love you. Learn to love yourself. Fill your life with family, friends and things that you love to do and are passionate about. Then, if someone does come along and you fall in love... they will become a part of your happy life and not your whole life that your happiness is dependent upon.
I did a little research and found an article that I think that you would give you some hope. Here is the link. I really like the part called "star-crossed lovers".
Have hope, Dawn.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



July 4, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 10 July.

I've been having a problem lately saying what I have been wanting to say for a very long time. I will get close to saying what I need to say to certain people in my life (friends, family, past flames, etc.) but at the last moment my mind stops me, like it's the wrong thing to do. I've been wanting to spill all of my thoughts into the open about how I have been miserable without certain people there as friends in my life and how maybe I need more help with sorting out my feelings, but when I get close to writing it all down or leaving messages on their phones, I see how happy they are without me in their lives and I just, I don't want to feel like I am ruining that. What do I do? Do I spill the beans to stop being miserable or do I let them be happy and go on with their lives? I wish I could let all of this go but it's just a difficult concept. Thank-you for taking the time to read this because I really appreciate it. Tyler.

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



June 27, 2014 / submitted by Sheena, Philippines
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #174
Yesterday was my birthday, and I found out that my estranged dad was undergoing a bypass operation. I don't celebrate my birthdays because my dad was never there. I grew up kind of hating him. But now, I just don't know what to feel. I still care about him, despite him being not much of a father to me. Yet, I still remember how he made my mom cry all these years, and the side of me that hates him just resurfaces. And I know that's wrong. What to do?

Happy belated birthday, Sheena. It's completely understandable why you have these feelings towards your Dad. He may be your Dad biologically but he certainly hasn't been a father to you.
I'm sure it wasn't easy watching your Mum suffer but you also had issues to deal with so don't ignore your feelings. I do think it would help you to talk to someone outside of the family - a counsellor perhaps. You're obviously holding on to a lot of negativity and maybe now is time to let go and be in a position where your birthday becomes a celebration of your life rather than an unwanted reminder of who gave that life to you.
You don't owe your dad anything but if you feel you should be there for him, do it IF that feels right for you.
There are many options moving forward. Forgiving him but having no contact, being there during this time of sickness or to continue as you are. It's up to you. You can't change what happened but you can change how you deal with it.
Over to you.

Hey there Sheena , I know what it feels like to hate someone you love. But at the end of the day, your dad is still family. And we stick to the end for family , because no matter what , we don't give up on family.

Sheena I think in this situation you have to put yourself first. How would you feel if the worst happened and you didn't get another chance to speak to your father? If you have unanswered questions or things left unsaid then now is a good opportunity to clear the air. You may worry about upsetting your Mother but remember the breakdown in their relationship was not your fault, maybe tell her first if you can. But go with your instincts and if you feel you would gain from making contact with your father then take a deep breath and go for it.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Tanya UK.

When it comes to how we feel toward those in our family, I find it goes both ways. For example, when someone makes a stupid mistake or just feels terrible for some reason, the family is often the only people who will love them unconditionally anyway. At the same time, it is often harder to get over feelings toward family members who have hurt you or others in your family than if it was someone you know outside of your family. So I understand you when you say that you care for your father but that it is hard to get over the old feelings toward him. If you find it too hard to get over those feelings, try looking at him as a person who just underwent bypass surgery and needs support for that, and not as the father who hurt you and your family. A short phone call just to make sure he made it through the operation ok can mean a lot to him without either of you having to confront past actions. Gavin.

Sheena, go see your father before/after his bypass surgery. He may have not always been there for you, but you can be there for him. Don't fight fire with fire or you might burn your relationship down. No one ever truly won by getting revenge. You can be a light in this dark world to him. Life is just too short to harbor hatred Sheena. It won't be the easiest thing to do, but it will be the most rewarding. Who knows? Maybe the relationship between you and your father will become stronger. You have much to gain by going and seeing him and you also have little to lose if you don't. Hope this helps! Nicholas.

I see you feel very hurt from your father and it's hard to forgive or to understand. But it is easy for us to judge other people based just on what we see from outside. You saw sad things that made you hate him, but you you cannot see what he has been passing through, or why was he never there. Maybe there is more than you actually know and it would be good to give him a chance to talk to you. Sometimes listening to the other side can be really surprising and changing. Don't let this chance go, maybe you did not have good memories about him, but you could start new ones after this moment. Wish you all the best! Mariana, Brazil.

First of all, Happy Birthday! Please don't let another year pass by without sitting down with your father and telling him exactly how you feel. The anger and resentment you are holding onto against him is doing much more damage to you, physically and psychologically, in the long term. (Let's not forget, not celebrating your own birthday!) Once you are able to tell your father everything you want to say, I'm guessing you will feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders. You will know in your heart if he is truly remorseful for his actions and willing to change. If so, maybe there is the possibility of your forgiveness? We are all capable of change and deserving of forgiveness.
There is always the possibility of a redefined father/daughter relationship that you never imagined. But, if he has not grown as a person or is stuck in his old habits, then you will have to accept the gift of forgiveness that you are giving YOURSELF and keep it moving. The Buddha once said that holding onto anger is like holding a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Some people cannot keep themselves from their toxic behavior(s) and we have to choose to love them from a distance, even if they are family. Either way, talk with your father and get whatever support you need around you to deal with the situation. Best of luck! Holley

Don't feel bad about hating your dad. You are conscious about it, and that matters a lot. It's not your fault for the things that happened to you or to your family. Maybe your father also feels bad about the situation. Even if he seems not to, I'm sure he just wasn't conscious enough to realize that you and your mother would suffer that much. And no matter what kind of things you feel towards him remember it's no one's fault, because sometimes the events throughout life just happen without anyone being able to control them.
If you look to the past you'll see things that happened and not you or anyone can change, but if you look to the present, you'll eventually be able to find a way to change things, to make everyone feel better, because everyone suffers, and since you and your mother suffer because of him, you probably never thought that your father might suffer too. Maybe you should talk to your dad and explain how you feel without letting the hate come to your words. It might be difficult to think about facing him but if you feel it's the best thing you can do, then do it and you'll see that it won't be that hard. After all he's your father and even if he acts like a cold person, he's human and every human has a heart, just like yours.
From someone who was in a similar situation, Cris, Portugal.


I'm sorry to hear you heard such sad news on your birthday. Nevertheless, I hope you had a great day and your father's operation went successfully. It seems only natural to hear of your bad feelings towards your dad that sometimes crop up, so don't be too hard on yourself, just begin to focus on how you cope with those feelings and how you want your relationship to pan out in the future. Remembering what's happened in the past will be easy, but coming to create a new future between you and your dad will seem really hard, but it's kind of essential. Ignore him and you'll feel like a bad daughter. Smother him and you'll feel like the past doesn't matter.

Finding the ground between the two extremes has to be essentially found by you, judging the dynamics of your own relationship. Forgiving your father for the past might seem almost impossible, but it might just ease your load and help begin to reconcile you both. He might not have been much of a father to you, but you have the chance to show that you are his daughter and to show love to him. No matter what someone has done, showing love to them will never hurt either of you.
Happy Birthday for yesterday, Tom.

Sheena, you with your father are going through tough times. No matter what kind of pain was caused, no matter how tall walls you built: everything fades at the moment when you realize that you can lose him. This is the most evidential thing to feel. If you really are worried about him, everything's not lost. You both deserve a happiness. Make a step towards him, and you will know the answer for sure: you are needed as strongly as he is needed to you. You don't have to be brave enough to cross out some person from your life. But you need to be as brave as possible to confess that nothing can push you to deny the person you love. As they say, you love not for a reason, you love against the reason. Step forward, and smile from the step in answer. Andy.

Sheena, please don't ever let your dad determine your happiness. We as individuals determine our own happiness. You can choose to let your father's absence make you unhappy, or you can choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances. You should never allow him to steal your happiness because you deserve to be happy regardless of him. Celebrate your birthday! You have so much to be joyful about, so why let that all drain away because one person won't be there for you? You're worth more than that.
I'm also in a very similar situation with my dad. My dad is very unhealthy (emotionally and mentally), and thus he's never really been there for my family. Yes he comes to birthdays and such, but he's not there when we really need him (emotionally). He's caused my family so much grief, and as a result none of us really like him. I have feelings of resentment towards him, and I can understand how you do, too. It's ok to feel that way; he's hurt you. It's human nature to feel pain and resentment when someone hurts us. However, for both of us, it's up to us to move past the pain and choose how we will react to it. Both of us have so much life to live, so why waste it feeling hurt and not allowing ourselves to be happy amongst the pain?
It's ok to still care about him, you should. Just don't let him steal your happiness. Brooke.

Sheena, Your birthday is a celebration of you! You are not defined by your father, his mistakes, or his problems. The best gift you could give yourself is to realize that you are the most important person in your world. Allow yourself your feelings, with no judgment, but do not be controlled by them. You are a caring wondrous human being so of course you "still care about him". We all have our paths to walk in life your direction and your destiny belongs to you alone.
The empathy that you have expressed for both of your parents shows the warmth of your heart, show yourself the same kindness and boldly set your bounadries. Though you may feel a bit wounded you are not broken, or bent, you are Whole! Celebrate life, celebrate Sheena, and let the world see you shine. You are here to do great things.
Be Well-Be Blessed-Be Yourself (everyone else is already taken).
Cheers to you, Dani USA.


I understand that the rejection your father has shown you has been painful, and often people live with resentment for long periods.
While this is understandable, it is not helpful in the healing process.
In order to heal you must move past the anger and resentment. You need to learn to forgive. If for no one else other than yourself...learn to forgive and let go. I believe it is the only way for a person to have peace in their life.
There is nothing you can do about what is in the past and you have no control over his actions.
However, you can move forward and create a better life for yourself in the future. You do have control over your thoughts and actions and those are powerful.
Don't dwell in anger over what other people have done or said. Try to focus more on who you are and the person you want to become.
Whether positive or negative, which ever thoughts you feed will grow.
Finally... don't let what someone did to you (and your mother) in the past, prevent you from having a bright future. Celebrate your birthday. Celebrate your life with hope and belief that it can and will get better.
Be well. Dawn

First off your feelings are not wrong they are yours, you have years of anger and resentment toward your father. Now you are perplexed as to whether to reach out to him. I wonder if this is to please a relative or perhaps you feel a sense of duty or obligation? I would suggest if you do reach out to him keep it light and not too personal and make it clear you are not reopening the lines of communication, but merely wanted to wish him a speedy recovery. Maybe one day you can address all your issues with him, but be cautious. Don't let him off the hook for what he did to you, you deserved better. It is sad that you don't have a relationship with him but that is not your fault is it? So don't feel guilty and do what your heart says you should. Best of luck! Name withheld.

Sheena, although the things that happen in the past can remain with us, there comes a time when freedom is more desirable than the bondage of hanging on to what is already done. When I was a Hospice nurse, working with people who were terminally ill, the most common thing I encountered was feelings of regret. Families who had "unfinished business" left unsaid had the most difficult time moving on with their lives. Forgiveness is everything. To forgive is not to enable or agree with another's actions. Forgiveness is about setting yourself free. Sometimes, we need to let go of one story in order to create a new one. We can never really know what drives people to do what they do. Your father did things that were hurtful. Hating him will only create toxicity within you. Hate does more harm to the person hating than the person hated. You now have the power to choose the path you're going to create. Choose Love - it's all that really matters. Alia, USA.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



June 27, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE??
As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 3 July.

I've gotta admit I am kind of depressed right now. You see, I have a huge crush on this guy, and well, he is soooo out of my league. He plays tons of sports. And here I am. I have cerebral palsy. It isn't severe, but it's enough to make me different. Noticeably different. And I feel like nobody is ever going to love or want me because nobody wants someone with a disability. How do I move on? I just feel ugly and unwanted. Laine, USA.

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies to theoracle@coldplay.com.


June 20, 2014 / submitted by Leandro, Philippines
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #173
I would just like to ask a question about something. So, I am Leandro, 18 years of age, and I've been having problems lately. Well, family wise, we're all fine. But, love... love's just... I don't know... tormenting.
Anyway, here's the question, do you think people deserve a second chance? I have sinned, yes. I cheated on someone. I failed to keep promises. I just can't believe that I, myself, was able to pull that off, and I regret whatever I've done with all of my heart.
But then whenever it's time for me to move on, and find someone to love, why is it that this feeling of guilt? This very feeling from the start of my road down to hell... Why do I always feel it? Why does it pull me down all of the time? I don't know what to do. Have I forgiven myself as well? I can't answer all of this.

Stop being so hard on yourself, Leandro. It's obvious you regret your actions so it's time to put it behind you and move on.
There is no point sabotaging every future chance of happiness because of a mistake you made. The only thing you need to do is not repeat that mistake and learn from it.
Your actions have made you unhappy and I think you have learned a hard lesson but there is no need to keep punishing yourself.
You're human and temptations will come your way but you have the choice to give in to them or not, so choose not to. Give yourself the second chance - you have proved you deserve it.
Over to you.

Since you're from the Philippines I'm going to assume you're Christian. Anyone can change. Just have faith. No matter how far you've gone astray. Whatever you've done that you regret. Ask for forgiveness from those you've harmed and from God. Also, if you can, undo the wrong you've done. Don't forget that you've already changed a lot. Admitting your sins is a big step towards repentance. I've been to the Philippines and learned bisaya and some tagalog. Ang diyos magmamahal sayo! Ingat!
Eric, USA.


Yes, everyone deserves a second chance. Nobody's perfect; we've all sinned and we are all unperfect. If you've sinned, wouldn't you want a second chance? To redeem yourself and to prove that you are worth something? Everyone has a place and everyone is loved, even if they do or do not know it. Love is a strange thing. Everyone longs for it and are willing to sacrifice anything for it. When we break other people's hearts or they break ours, we have that feeling of doubt or guilt in ourselves that we could've given the other person better and that we could've proven to them that we were the ones for them. Besides, everyone has their heart torn apart. They are just one less broken heart away from happiness and true love.
There are different stages of love from just liking someone to be willing to sacrifice everything (even your life) for that one special person. That's true love. You must feel sad because lost a piece of your heart, but it will be fixed by that special person who's waiting out there for you.
My advice to you would be to stop being guilty for things in life that you can't control and start focusing on the good things in life. True love is out there for you. You can change your perspective on life. You may not be able to fix your mistakes, but you can remember them for next time.
Good luck! Hope.

Our one true choice is to plunge into the mystery of that uncontrollable force.
We could say: 'I've suffered greatly before and I know that this won't last either,' and thus drive Love from our door, but if we did that we would become dead to life.
We love because Love sets us free.
We don't close our eyes to the Universe and then complain: 'It's dark.' We keep our eyes wide open, knowing that the light could lead us to do undreamed-of things. That is all part of love.
Love is only a word, until we decide to let it possess us with all its force.
Love is only a word, until someone arrives to give it meaning.
Don't give up. Remember, it's always the last key on the key ring that opens the door. Penelope.


What I always thought in situations like this is that sometimes to heal, you have to go through hell. Yes, it was a shameful thing that you cheated and broke promises, and it is good that you realized that what you did is wrong, but you I would think if you want to stop feeling guilty, you should do something good to balance out the bad. Have you apologized to the girl you cheated on? That would be a great start, so you can try to build back burned bridges. If you have already done that, nothing is better than trying to help others. Do some charity work, help out a neighbor, donate money or time for a good cause, because nothing feels better than doing something good for others. And from the sound of it, you seem like a great guy, you have just made a few mistakes, and you have realized they are wrong and want to fix them, which is amazing. Some people, no matter how obvious it is, will sometimes never admit they were wrong about something, so in my opinion, I think you do deserve a second chance, and hopefully God will give you one. You do not have to take my advice but I would really hope you would at least listen because I think it will help. Good luck to you Leandro, and Salaam, which means peace in Arabic. Catherine.

You ask yourself if you have forgiven yourself. I don't think you have. If you still have contact with the person that you had cheated on I should recommend you to tell this person how you feel and ask if this person can forgive you and let you move on. If the answer is yes I think that you can forgive yourself. You say that you regret this with all your heart and if you do you absolutely deserve a second chance. I have also asked my Tarotcards for an advise and the card I took says: "A significant relationship is on your mind. It may be romantic in nature, or it may be an intimate but platonic friendship. Communication is key right now, and it's important to develop trust within the relationship. You can safely share your feelings with someone close to you". The name of the card is "The Lovers". Good luck! Love, Ann-Sofie, from Sweden.

Love should never be tormenting and full of pain. Guilt is an emotion that's associated with act of manipulation. The fact that you are seeking advice and feeling tormented leads me to believe that you are on the receiving end. Manipulators don't leave (maybe threaten to leave), but you have to disconnect from them because they are like parasites sucking the life force from you body.
We all make mistakes. It's how we grow and evolve. But the manipulator, they are skilled in learning every mistake you've ever made which becomes their shield for when they wrong you. You begin to self-reflect and give them the benefit of doubt by which you project your own values and morality on to them. Cheaters, Con-men, abusers etc. would do less damage if people asked themselves the right questions when deciding if someone deserves a second chance.
True or False 1. This person inspires me to be a better version of myself. 2.When they are angry, I still see the person that loves me and not another person I don't recognize. 3. They treat all people the same despite their class, religion, race etc. 4. I never have doubts about their love for me. If you can't answer true to all of these questions, my advice is to RUN. Then, figure out why you are attracting these types. Be Well, Leandro. DH.

I'm sorry for your pain. Yes people deserve a second chance. That's the beauty of forgiveness. Whether forgiving someone else or forgiving yourself, while counter-intuitive, by sincerely doing so, you free yourself and the person you are forgiving.
Of course if someone habitually wrongs another, who repeatedly forgives him / her, then this is different. Or, if someone habitually takes advantage of other kinder or more vulnerable characters, who each in turn tend to forgive before he / she moves on to the next person, then this again, is different.
Guilt can be a useless erosive emotion if triggered by outdated ethics like say, no sex before marriage (something once sensible before contraceptives). However it can also be useful, like all emotions can be, at drawing attention to an area of one's life that needs to be examined and constructively adjusted.
I don't know where you fit on these points, as I don't know you. You will know though.
The worst lies are the lies to one's self. Be sure to be honest with yourself and you will know where you are and then, you will know which direction is forwards. James.


Leandro, to answer your question, here's my reply: every people deserve a second chance. It took me a while to realise it too. I do understand the guilty feeling that you are talking about. I once had a 4 years relationship with someone that I really loved, until I went to another country to study and we had a lot of fight and every single day the guilt feeling tortured me, saying that I'm not good enough and many more. At one point I decided to quit the relationship and just let life in. Then, from that, I learned a lot. I learned how to see the world in a different perspective, I appreciate myself, my family and my friends who are there and always support me, I'm being thankful for everything. Then, a new love comes along. A new opportunity open for me and I try as much as possible to embrace it. Here's my suggestions to you: let life in. Be thankful for everything. You have to stop for a second thinking about whether there's a second chance or not, about your guilty feeling and spend your time with people who are always there for you. Appreciate them, appreciate your good and bad. Listen to Ghost Stories (it helped me a lot), then I'm sure sooner or later you will find love again. Yesy.

We all make mistakes in life. What is important is that we learn from them so that we grow and do not repeat the same mistakes again. You feel shame now for having cheated on someone that you loved and did not want to hurt. Here's what I suggest to help you move on and forgive yourself.
First, try to apologize in person. (If this is not possible, do it in writing with a letter or email). Take full responsibility for what you have done, say you are sorry for causing them pain, and ask for forgiveness. You cannot control how the person will respond, and you need to accept that response whatever it is. You may be forgiven or never forgiven, but let that person know that this was in no way their fault.
Second, give yourself some perspective. Ask yourself why you chose to cheat. Try to write down how you were feeling before, during, and after you cheated. Be honest with yourself and do not make excuses for what you did. Hopefully, by getting a better understanding of yourself, you will be able to see warning signs in the future and avoid making the same mistake.
Lastly, release your pain, guilt, and suffering. Forgive yourself, but never forget what you have learned from this experience. Feel confident that you will not hurt another person this way again. You have a kind heart, Leandro, and will share love again.
Best of luck to you! Tracey.


Feeling guilty is a good sign. It means you are an honest person. Always keep that in mind.
Well, if you want to get rid of feeling guilty, you have to ask the persons you cheated and you lied to to forgive you. If you are honest, they will do that. After that you'll feel much better, believe me. When you feel better, you will find someone you can love without feeling guilty.
Goodluck. Isabelle.

We all make mistakes and when we do, we must learn from them. And the first part of learning from our mistakes is accepting we made one. Your mistake was cheating on someone you loved. You have accepted it and have since been living with the guilt of it. The next part is for you to forgive yourself. Without doing so, the guilt that is eating you up, will never go away. We cannot live in the past or in the future. We can only live in the present. Learn from the mistakes of your past. Let it guide your present. Forgive yourself and move forward.
Love is as easy or as difficult as we believe it to be. It is like a puzzle. For some the pieces come together so easily and naturally that we can call it magic. For others, it is like a complex process of finding the right pieces to go in the right places without much luck. The comfort is in knowing that the right pieces exist and it will reveal itself sooner or later.
There's a life full of experiences ahead of you. Let not your fears and your guilt take away from you the life that you can live and all the love that you can give.
Rex, India.


Everyone deserves a second chance and it sounds like you truly regret what happened. You can't keep blaming yourself forever. It happened and you can't turn back time. All you can do is move on. Have you ever told the person you cheated on that you're sorry? Maybe that will help give you some closure. And most important of all: Don't ever cheat on anyone again! Good luck, Amanda.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



June 20, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 26 June.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I found out that my estranged dad was undergoing a bypass operation. I don't celebrate my birthdays because my dad was never there. I grew up kind of hating him. But now, I just don't know what to feel. I still care about him, despite him being not much of a father to me. Yet, I still remember how he made my mom cry all these years, and the side of me that hates him just resurfaces. And I know that's wrong. What to do? Sheena, Philippines.

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.

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