Oracle
396 oracle items tagged as team oracle
November 20, 2014 / submitted by Madalina, Romania
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #193
Why is it so hard to find real friends? And when you think you found them, they were just testing you or something like that to see if you are good or not?

I may be wrong but it sounds as though you've been let down by someone but please don't worry that everyone will end up doing the same. Great friends are hard to come by & it would be a shame to let them pass you by because of past experiences. People can and do disappoint but not all of them so you need to work on your trust issues.
I think the best thing is to just take people at face value. If you like them and they like you, hang out with them and see what happens. Try not to overthink it. You'll probably gravitate towrds people who you share common interests with. Take your time getting to know them and only when you feel ready - open up.
If "friends" try to put you in situations you are uncomforatble with, stay strong and be your own person. Don't follow the crowd or get bullied into bad behaviour. Some people can take control and be very persuasive but stand firm. If you change your mind about someone, that's ok.
You don't need to be part of a group so even if there's only one person you'd call a real friend - that's better than lots that you don't.
You can usually tell by how someone treats you and how they make you feel as to what kind of person they are. Trust your gut feelings and you will work it out.
Over to you.

There is a proverb:
"Remember, anyone can love you when the sun is shining. In the storms is where you learn who truly cares for you".
Who is beside you when the storm is swirling, these are your true friends. I can tell from myself experience that you will learn it during your life ( well I don't know your age) there will only be 3-5 people left. They will tell you the truth, even when it hurts, they stand beside you when everyone else has left, you can call them every time of the day, they have a shoulder to lean on and open ears to listen to you. But these few friends, they are true. It's all a matter of give and take in a friendship.
Love from Germany, Maren.


I don't think it's hard to find real friends. You do have some bad experiences along the way. But if you stay true to yourself and treat others as you wish to be treated, People will like you. They then want to be your friend. If they don't like you they are not worth bothering about.
Of course you will only find out their true worth when you go through tough times, I have been going through a very difficult divorce after 20 years of marriage, and also had to deal with the stress of watching my father being terminally ill and the dying. I would not have got through this without my truly amazing friends. I am so grateful for them.
Oh and just one more tip. Keep smiling. Michele.

You don't say how old you are, but if you are at school, it can be difficult because you are thrown together with people you might not necessarily naturally get on with. It's been said that children need playmates, but young people (and adults!) need friends. What's the difference? A playmate (or schoolmate) is someone who keeps you company, but a friend is someone who also shares your values. Not everyone who claims to be a friend has what it takes to live up to the label and this can shatter your trust. Always remember that quality is better than quantity. It is possible to find real friends who will really be there for you and have a positive influence on you. Choose friends who have qualities you admire, and that you have things in common with. Also try to be the kind of friend you would want for yourself, for example, being a good listener. If this is not possible at the moment, you may find circumstances in life will change at some point and open up new options for you. At any rate, no friendship is perfect and it may take time to build it up but keep trying as it will be worth it in the end! Best wishes, Dx

Because people usually choose friends that they consider cool, or interesting, but most of the time never becuase the way they actually are, but by the way they look like they are, were blind at first by the desire of being able to call them friend, but never really notice that they might not see you the same way. You should be a friend who is a friend to you, never look for one, just let them come to you and appriciate it, becuase you mean somthing to them. But never tell someone something that you don't want the world to know.
Bye, Paulina.

Based on my own experience, I can tell you that finding real friends is hard, but not because there are not people like you or people that will love you and accept you for who you are. It's very often a matter of location. I found my best friends when I was finishing high school and I got to meet them because I was assigned to a different classroom. And until last year I was pretty sure that I wouldn't find more friends like them. Then I started doing activities that I enjoy and I got to know many great people that share interests with me.
People like you are out there. You just have to keep looking. And what will help you finding them, if they are not at school or work, is pursuing your hobbies/interests. When you know new people, it takes some time for a relationship to develop; for people to open up and start trusting each other (even if you really connected and got along from the first moment). But that doesn't mean they are testing you all the time. If someone is testing you all the time to see if you are good, they probable are not genuinely interested in you.
Wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.


Real friends are hard to find that's why when you found them it is somehow hard to let them go.
And if they were just testing you or something, maybe you did not find real friends. Real friends dont test. They somehow just accept you the way you really are without seeing negative in you cause what matter is the positive in you.
Real friends are hard to find and get, so there's only a few. You dont have to search and find real friends. They come to you by themselves . Hope this helping. Kevin.

I guess you're very young, so it's part of growing up and learning. Friendships are like relationships: you rise and fall, search and find, love and cry. Some friendships are very intense and deep, some pale and superficial. You've got to go through all of it to find your way. Every relationship, problem and situation is message about you. If you look for meanings and reasons, you'll find them and explore how you can turn it into something good for you. If you often got betrayed or tested, may be you're too good and naive or may be you have such characteristics as your friends. Just be honest to yourself and don't be scared of facing yourself inside. Finding true yourself leads to finding true friends and true love; meaning that you're aware and realistic. Think about being surrounded by wrong people and not paying attention on some persons who want to meet you and hang out. Have wise, wide and high look on the world, give a chance to many persons but with respect and loyalty. What goes around, comes around, for good or bad, so if you try, wish and give your love and help,you'll be rewarded. Oh, and if you have siblings, build and keep good relationships with them as much as you can. No matter what, they'll probably be your true friends through life more then anyone. "Brothers and sisters unite, gotta spread love around..."
With love, Kamili from Croatia.


It's sad but true, our Facebook friends don't equal our real, actual friends. A lot of people seem to forget that these days. Real friends are hard to find, they are the ones that stick with you no matter what, they are the people that don't judge you for who you are or what you do. It's highly likely you'll never have more than two or three actual best friends in your life, but that's okay. Be happy with all the friends you have but cherish the ones that in time turn out to meet your best friend qualifications. and don't forget: Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold.Good luck! Amanda.

True friendship is far and few between. Don't fault yourself for finding a true friend. You should be picky as you deserve good friends. However, friendship is not always perfect. It can be difficult and heartbreaking. Remember to accept that true friendship is about accepting people for who they truly are. One of my best friends has a tendency to drink too much and often behaves poorly. Some of my other friends won't even tolerate him. But, I do because I love him and he loves me. Once I was terribly depressed and stuck in my apartment during a snow storm. I began to panic at the thought that I was going to be snowed in for a long time and realized that I couldn't be alone. I called my friend and said, "I don't think I can be alone right now." He said, "I will be there in 15 minutes to pick you up." He then drove through a Minnesota snow storm and picked me up. We got stuck a few different times, but we made it to his place. He did not complain nor did he mind when I sat down on the couch and immediately feel asleep. The next morning I woke up and found myself lying in his bed and wrapped with a blanket. He can drive me crazy, but he gets me (weird quirks & all) and he is the one that would drive through a snowstorm for me just because. Marcia.

This question is one that I've been asking for a while (though never out loud), because friendship is tricky. They test you, and if you don't fit the bill, they can do whatever they want, and let you hold onto them by a thread. I see my friends - I have those friends who read as much as me, or like the same music as me, or the friends who are just easy to talk to - and I wonder why they all have real friends that don't include myself. Through experience, I have found it very hard to find all of the above in just one person. When I talk about it to them, how I only have pieces of friends, they reassure me that they are not just pieces. I know this might not be the answer you are looking for, but I think that if you just allow yourself to be patient enough to find someone who really cares about you enough to accept you without any tests, you'll find that it might actually be worth the wait. At least, this is what I tell myself. Victoria.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



November 20, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 27 November.

I have just graduated and moved back home but one big mystery still remained unsolved. It's about my so-called best friend with whom I spent 5 years of everyday life being "just friends", but being "more than friends". Nothing ever happened but everyone around us considered us as a couple, specially those who didn't know us. There's been many situations that almost led to something more clearly, but being a woman I thought that it was up to man to do something. Neither of us have ever had relationship during that time. He has some unsolved problems in his family which affected his childhood and it maybe a reason for being blocked to do something. He is partially aware of the problems and trying to solve them.
Although now, after my graduation we live in different towns, he keeps calling, and when I come to visit, we spend most of the time together and it is his initiative. I tried to talk about it directly and he has told that he wasn't able to do anything about us because of his problems. His father killed himself in his early childhood and his mother had never talked about it. He has pretty much normal life, a lot of friends and job, everything's ok but there are troubles with love and may be with me. I don't know what to do.
I feel like I'm trapped in this relationship not knowing who we are and what's going to happen. Please write your opinion and advice, any word will be helpful. Thank you.
Margarette, France.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



November 14, 2014 / submitted by Lisa, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #193
I recently lost my Dad. He was 72 and had not been ill, then started to feel tired and unwell. From the start of him feeling off colour to his death was 6 weeks. From his diagnosis to his passing was 3 weeks. He died in my arms at 21.01 on April 16th and passed away very peacefully. If there is such a thing as a beautiful death, then my beautiful Dad had it. The air was so thick with love, that if love was a physical solid thing, you could almost have reached out and touched it.
The trouble is, although I see that it was a blessing that he didn't suffer, he didn't have to experience any traumatic treatments etc and that he was surrounded by me, my Mum and Brother in his final days, I am struggling terribly. He's gone, I'm never going to see him, hear his voice again, smell his amazing smell or hear him call me Looby Lou, and it's heartbreaking. People who know me well can see this has had a profound effect on me, they know how important he was to me and when I'm asked how I am, I just can't explain how bereft I feel. How on Earth will I ever feel like me again.
I keep being told to smile and be happy, that my Dad wouldn't want me to feel like this, but it doesn't change how much I miss him, it doesn't bring him back, it doesn't make it right. I have an 8 year son who had the most amazing relationship with his Grandad and he has been a Godsend, but he's asking me questions I can't answer like where has Grandad gone. Who knows?

I miss him, he was an amazing man who lived a full life, a Naval career for 28 years, an expedition leader to the Arctic several times, a British Empire Medal owner. It seems so unfair for someone so full of life to be taken from us. How does someone cope with the loss of the person who shaped her into the woman she is today, who instilled his life lessons and morals into me? I feel totally heartbroken but in the same breath am trying to keep things normal for my little boy. It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I can't see how I will ever feel like me again :(
Any advice is so gratefully accepted.

This also broke my heart, Lisa. Life can be cruel and unfair. I feel your pain and sadly this isn't something I'll be able to much help with. Coping with loss is both a universal and individual experience. All I know is it hurts like Hell. No matter how long it takes, the loss will never leave you. Keep him alive by living and being the woman he hand in creating and moulding.
You need support, get it from wherever you can - family, friends, counsellors, groups, books, music - your son.
The thing is, your grief is all raw & consuming, I'm not sure how you're supposed to keep it together for your son. Children are usually more accepting of death and resilient to its effects. However, they absorb feelings of those around them.
Your son can see your pain and obviously he will be missing his granddad. You don't have answers and I wouldn't try to find a way around this. I think you need to be frank with him and explain all that you do know and maybe discuss together what he thinks about the things you don't.
I know we teach kids about people and pets going to Heaven when they die but maybe the most important thing is to remind them that love lives on in the heart & memory forever.
I'm sorry I can't help more but I hope you find your way through.
Over to you.

Lisa, I just want to tell you to stay strong. I think if it were my situation I would be feeling like you, so I think the best thing you can do is to think in the happy things still around you, and remember all the happy moments you have had with your dad. You may know everyone come to life for a reason, and you should remember your dad's and yours, because if you stay stuck in this situation, you maybe will lose precious time of your life. For this moment I believe you could go through it with your son and with your mum, and getting supported by your friends and your family. Just tell to your main, and think of your dad in a good way: 'maybe one day, I'll fly next to you'. Love, Rosario from Argentina.

I also experienced this my grandmother died six days before my birthday when I was six and my cousin who was like a brother to me died of cancer four years ago. I know how you feel and I also sometimes feel like that. But somehow I always think they're watching me or that are still with me and that I'll see them someday. I know this hurts and all I would advise you is to think your dad is with you and that one day you'll see him. I have fifteen years old and I have to be strong to move on with my life. Think of your child and your dad i think they would not want you to be like that. God put a smile upon your face, right? I hope this message make you smile in some way I totally know how you feel and I know that you'll get over it and start smiling and thinking positive again.
Stay Strong Lisa. Andrea.

First thing I am going to say is that I am sorry for your lost and hope God bless you and all your lovely family.
I can understand what are you passing through and who do you feel since someone so important passed away in such a quick and unexpected way. Every time I feel down or sad about this and miss this person so much, I always thing of something that really makes me to feel calmed and happier. God always take the good ones with him. I am sure your father was a great father, husband, worker and friend, and everyone loved him for that. God always that the good and loved ones with him because he doesn't want them to suffer any other thing that may happen on the world. He is a better place now and is proud of you because I am sure you are a great daughter and friend too. Just do want you thing is correct, do want you thing he would like you to do. Make good unexpected thing he never thought you were capable to do. So, from heaven, he would be prouder than you.
Karolyn, Ecuador.


Losing someone you love is tragic, but is also inevitable. Thing is, you shouldn't revolve the reason to your living around someone else's life. Yes, he is your father, but that doesn't mean life stops at his death. I might sound harsh, but I am trying not to sugarcoat things, I don't want to give you false hope. You have to try and understand that we all die, and nothing will stop us from being mortals. You mentioned having a son, that's great. You should try and shift your focus towards him. You don't have to worry about telling him where his grandfather is, he will eventually understand. You won't stop missing him, I'll tell you that, but the feeling will fade with time. Give it patience, time, and try not to be on your own too often. You'll get there. Solaf.

It's common for women to have unrealized relationship with dad, so feel joy for having such experience. You've the right to grief, but think of your son. He shouldn't think of death as something negative and frightening because he'll live with that emotions. Listen to verses which deal with death, explaining what happens after dying: "One day death is gonna conquer me, I'll be there where the waters flow. I hope sweet heaven has a place for me." "I just wanna be there when the lightning strikes and the saints go marching in." Relief comes if you know where the person is after death.
My husband lost his dad and grandma in a war; they were killed in their house by neighbors. He couldn't go to funeral because he was in another country as a refugee and was prohibited to travel. He's been suffering panic attacks. He wasn't a believer, but somehow he remembered prayer "Our Father". Being shocked on pain he started praying and suddenly everything has cleared; he felt relief and salvation. During time he has realized God existed and his dad was in heaven. Jesus said: "I'm the resurrection and life." He answered to my husband (who was adolescent at that time) that his father still lived happily and could guide and help him. It's not imagination or coping strategy but soul of a searcher. He's forgiven the murders and is the happiest person I've met. If he could do it,you'll also find your way if you want it. While listening "O", meditate on: "Into smoke I'm turned, and RISE." If you never try, you'll never know.
Love, Kamili.


Losing a parent is a really sad time.
3 years ago without any warning my Mum who was only 65 suddenly passed away. We were all devastated.
10 days later my aunty also passed away. She had been suffering from cancer. It was a terrible time for everyone.
3 years on, time has slowly made the pain less bad. There are still times when the hurt returns, birthday's, anniversaries, Christmas etc but as time goes on you will find things get easier.
As for your son, you can tell him his Grandad will always be there watching him.
I also turned a negative into a positive by working for Hospiscare for the last 3 years, who looked after my aunty in her final days.
I hope this helps. Mike.

True, losing someone is very hard, but by what you have said, it seems your father lived a wonderful and full life, surrounded by people he loved.
Feel better. Annie.


I am sending you my deepest condolences for the loss of your dad. The process of grief cannot be skipped over and that means you have to allow yourself to feel the pain that his diagnosis, his decline and his passing brought into your. You have to look at it (feel it) and recognize it (accept it) as a part of what you have experience in your life's journey and that pain is something that you went through and will shape you as you continue to grow in spirit. Accepting the pain as a part of your past is paramount to processing grief, which is the tool that life gives us to be able to continue on after losing someone so loved.
I recommend buying a book on grieving. It really helps to know that what you are feeling is really a process that others have experienced.
I suggest writing letters to your dad. Write about what you are feeling, about your day, about your fears, about your concerns, about how much it hurts right now. Write to him about anything you would have discussed with him while he was still with you.
Finally, his life, what he meant to you, the love you shared and the tremendous goodness he brought into your life and the life of those who loved him is and always will be bigger than his death and the sorrow it brought. The love you shared sounds way bigger than this hurt you now feel.
Best regards to you, Miranda.

I am sorry for you loss. It sounds like you and your family ushered him to the beyond in a loving and meaningful way. There is no timeline to feeling better - I wish there was. I believe that children can handle truth better than adults realize. I think it is good to talk to your son about you sadness, but assure him that you love him. Also, you can talk to him about death and what it means, so answer his questions honestly. I feel like learning about death is important, so people don't fear it or avoid loved ones when they are sick. I don't know if you will ever feel totally healed from his death, you just need to get used to a new normal. A great tribute to your father would be to instill the same life lessons and morals you son. Another idea, would be to do something symbolic to honor him. Do something that you and he enjoyed together such as going to a restaurant or walking in the park. My mom lost her own mother way too young. Every Sunday we have family dinner and she puts out wine glasses. Then we put whatever we are drinking in the glass. One time someone asked why we needed to pour a canned soda in the wine glass. My mother then replied, "We are having dinner with my mother." The glasses had once belonged to her mother. Take care, Marcia.

I really feel for you I was in much the same boat a few years back and it was hard. I felt as though the earth should not turn. When I walked into the family home the day of the funeral, I keenly felt his absence. I felt orphaned and alone. Like you we had a special relationship, and like you I also had a small child too. Your father would be proud of you, he sounds like a very fine man indeed. How we deal with grief varies we can't just fake it and be happy all the time. So cry and grieve, go for long walks, write in a journal and feel the loss, but if it gets too overwhelming please seek help of a professional. This is one of life's most stressful events and it will be a while before you are yourself again. How you answer your child will depend on your belief system and what you are comfortable with, be honest with him and be ready to give support. Remember that the very things you loved about your father likely will live on in you, you keep the person he was alive in the way you live your life. In time you will remember him with a smile and laughter. It will get easier. I wish you peace and comfort. Laurie.

I'm very sorry for your loss. As for advice all I can say to you is: Of course you miss him and of course you're still grieving, it only just happened. The people who tell you your dad wouldn't want you to be sad are probably right, but that doesn't mean you can start smiling again right away. Everyone grieves in their own way, but there's one thing that goes for everyone and that is that grieving takes time. You can't expect yourself to get over the loss of a parent you loved and cared for in the span of a few months. Just give it time and allow yourself to grieve. I'd tell your son the truth. explain to him on his level what death means and even if you're not sure yourself where your dad went, tell that to your son. I know its hard and you can't see it right now, but you will feel like yourself again. Maybe a year from now or maybe two or three and even though you'll often think about your dad even 10 years from now, you'll be just fine. Good luck! Amanda.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



November 14, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 20 November.

My question is: Why is it so hard to find real friends? And when you think you found them, they were just testing you or something like that to see if you are good or not? Madalina, Romania.

Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



November 7, 2014 / submitted by Ana, Spain
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #192
I'm in a bad stage of my life, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and if I say the truth, I don't even know the really "why". Well, since we've broken up I've been spending the weeks thinking about it. Have I done well? I really want this? It's just like one day I think I really don't want to go back with him but at nights or when I hear Coldplay songs like The Scientist I cannot stop crying and thinking of him like my boyfriend again.
I know is something that I can only know by myself but sometimes I need help and well... be sincere with someone who listen to me. Thanks for reading and helping me.

Sometimes you don't need a specific reason why. It could be a number of factors. You just have to trust your instinct. I think the reason you broke up is because something didn't work for you. If you can work out why you left him, you may find it easier to cope.
It's natural to question if you've done the right thing, especially when you miss someone / something. Of course you miss him and it's probably the habit of the relationship you miss too.
When you split up with someone, you cry for what you had that's gone and maybe even just the good times.
Break-ups can be unbearable even if it's your choice. It's like a bereavement. As it is a loss there will be grieving. What you're describing is a completely normal part of the process and unfortunately there isn't anything that can speed this up. I'm afraid you just have to ride the storm and know that you will eventually come through the other side.
Listening to sad songs can help get the emotions out but I think it's probably best if you don't at the moment - especially not at night. If you can resist contacting your ex and just spend time thinking about you and what you need. It's important those needs are met and that means doing what's best for you.
It can be hard talking to people about it but if you have supportive friends, tell them how you feel. Try writing a letter to yourself. Start with "Dear Ana," and write down everything you want for yourself and what you want foam a relationship. By doing this, you may see what you weren't getting.
Stay strong, Ana.
Over to you.

There there, breakups are always hard. It will always take time, it will always be hard to get over if it was a genuine relationship. This, however, doesn't mean that you made the wrong decision, or that you're to blame if things seem to be going wrong. Try and talk to him if you want to know the reason behind your breakup, and maybe even fix it. It also depends on how old you are, as studies show that the average person falls in love about 7 times before their final, lifelong relationship. You have to try and understand that not all relationships end in marriage and that you have to let go sometimes. If all else fails, you will find yourself eventually getting over it. It'll be overwhelming at first, but in the end it'll be totally worth it, once you taste freedom. Solaf.

It sounds like you need some time to find out what you really want. You sound very confused and some time for yourself would be good to help you clear your head and clarify the situation. You said that during the day you think you really don't want to go back with you ex. It doesn't sound like you don't know why you two broke up. My advice: Don't rush things. Take some time to evaluate your decision. Write down a list about things that were and weren't working in your relationship so you can have a global view. Breakups are hard but that doesn't mean that breaking up was a bad decision.
Wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.

Ana, you say you're the one who call it quits but I mean if you still love him and he still feels the same way and there's no bad blood happened between the two of you then maybe I think you should guys work it out and get back together you know. Second chances are not that bad, sometimes it become sweeter. But, if you feel that it is right thing to do to part ways I think you should stop thinking and start living a new chapter in your life. Hurting is part of being in love, all people go through that pain. But heart heals as time goes by. But most, you're the only person who can help you to move on. You can go out with friends when you feel alone, do new things that will make you feel better or that will distract you from thinking of him and soon you'll feel okay again. :) Wish you nothin' but happiness! Love lots, Shaine from Philippines. xx

Maybe this time is the hardest to you, but please think it again why do you break up with your boyfriend. It's necessary to know the reason behind this story.
Did your boyfriend hurt you? Or always make you happy?
Do you want this break up? Or is it just temporary desire?
If he always hurt you, it's the best choice to leave him. Before you met and with him, you could happy. So without him, you can happy just like sometimes ago.
But if he love you so much, and you didn't want to break up, tell him that you love and want him come back. I know it's hard to choice, but your heart know the best for you. So much love, Verryna.


If you can't find reasons for break up, there were probably no enough reasons to go on in your relationship. Lack of feelings, common interests, love and other factors have led you to break up.
Think about what've been connecting you from the beginning? What was your relationship about, what was it based on?
Some love relationships are more like friendships, some are about solving problems, filling the holes, having fun, sharing interests etc.
Each relationship has some colors and dominating mood. Only you know what it was and why it stopped. Without any information, to me it seems that you both took the maximum of your relationship.
Not for bad, but for good. Now it's time to accept it as finished and take all good things from it as a growing and valid period of life.
There are relationships that must end. "And I discovered that my castles stand upon pillars of salt, pillars of sand."
I wish you relationship standing upon pillars of stone. Don't rush into next one, take your time, be yourself, live, breath and while listening The Scientist, hear the verse: "I'm going back to the start." So start again, looking forward to what life brings. "A simple plot, but I know one day, good things are coming your way!" With love, Kamili.

All I can tell you is that your feelings are normal. We tend to replay events in our heads searching for answers that may never be answered. It is okay to allow yourself time to mourn the ending of a relationship as it tends to change your daily life in a dramatic way. I remember feeling like this and it was all I could think about. I wondered if the hurt would ever go away and one day it did. I did not expect it to, but suddenly I was like, "hey, I am not thinking about so and so anymore." The best thing to do is try to keep yourself busy, especially at night when the demons surface to torment our minds. Try not to talk about it too much to people as after awhile they may end up pulling away from you. I suggest writing in a journal either your thoughts or poetry. It would also be a good idea to do something symbolic to bring closure to you, as it may not happen with the boyfriend. Write down how you feel and say good bye and burn it in a safe place. It may take time but if it is lasting too long or you are turning to unhealthy things to numb your pain, you should talk to your doctor. Best of luck, Marcia.

Ana, Nobody said it was easy. I applaud you for taking control of your life. It is a hard thing to do. I know how confident and beautiful you are without even meeting you just by your actions. You are feeling what millions of people, including me, have felt after a hard break-up. It may be hard to think of the positive right now, but think of all the happiness that can come out of it. Spend time with family and friends in order to help keep your mind away from negative thoughts. You will get over this and help will come, I promise. Everything in our lives happens for a reason. Much love, Dori.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



November 7, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 13 November.

I recently lost my Dad. He was 72 and had not been ill, then started to feel tired and unwell. From the start of him feeling off colour to his death was 6 weeks. From his diagnosis to his passing was 3 weeks. He died in my arms at 21.01 on April 16th and passed away very peacefully. If there is such a thing as a beautiful death, then my beautiful Dad had it. The air was so thick with love, that if love was a physical solid thing, you could almost have reached out and touched it.
The trouble is, although I see that it was a blessing that he didn't suffer, he didn't have to experience any traumatic treatments etc and that he was surrounded by me, my Mum and Brother in his final days, I am struggling terribly. He's gone, I'm never going to see him, hear his voice again, smell his amazing smell or hear him call me Looby Lou, and it's heartbreaking. People who know me well can see this has had a profound effect on me, they know how important he was to me and when I'm asked how I am, I just can't explain how bereft I feel. How on Earth will I ever feel like me again.
I keep being told to smile and be happy, that my Dad wouldn't want me to feel like this, but it doesn't change how much I miss him, it doesn't bring him back, it doesn't make it right. I have an 8 year son who had the most amazing relationship with his Grandad and he has been a Godsend, but he's asking me questions I can't answer like where has Grandad gone. Who knows?
I miss him, he was an amazing man who lived a full life, a Naval career for 28 years, an expedition leader to the Arctic several times, a British Empire Medal owner. It seems so unfair for someone so full of life to be taken from us. How does someone cope with the loss of the person who shaped her into the woman she is today, who instilled his life lessons and morals into me? I feel totally heartbroken but in the same breath am trying to keep things normal for my little boy. It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I can't see how I will ever feel like me again :(
Any advice is so gratefully accepted. Lisa, UK.



Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
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October 31, 2014 / submitted by Hannah, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #191
I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's disorder, meaning I am extremely intelligent but have trouble socially. I have a couple of close friends and a boyfriend, and I want them to know what is going on. At the same time, there is a ton of stigma with Asperger's syndrome, and I don't know if my boyfriend and friends would look at me the same if I told them. What should I do?

I know it's not as simple as saying, 'just tell them' but it's highly likely that you imagining what they may say is making it harder. You can't possible know what they will say and you are probably (hopefully) worrying over nothing. Don't prolong that anxiety.
Your boyfriend and friends are around you because they choose to be. Just because you think you've been given a label, you're the same girl you were yesterday; the same girl they want to be with. That won't change just because you've got Asperger's. If it does, which I doubt, they aren't worth having and better to know that now.
It's sad that any conditions still carry a stigma but maybe it's ignorance. When you tell them, ask what they already know about Asperger's. They may know more than you think or nothing at all. Explain what it is and what it will mean for you. I would ask if they have any questions for you. Add that anytime they want to talk about it with you, not to hold back. Making it an open topic of conversation will help but I honestly can't help but think they will be supportive and their feelings for you will be no different.
I wish you well.
Over to you.

I have two best friends with Aspergers and I can only imagine the struggle they and you have gone through. I assure you it is the best thing for your relationships to tell them. I have Crohn's and the best way to explain something is to define it. So tell them that you have Aspergers and then tell them what it means. Make sure to tell them that having Aspergers won't change who you are at all. And yes, you have to be EXTREMELY intelligent to have Aspergers. I hope this helps you and I wish you the best. Remember you can do amazing things no one else can do. And if your friends treat you differently, they aren't worthy of you.
Best wishes, Molly.


Everyone can have trouble socially. And it sounds to me like you are doing better socially than most. Do not let a label given to you by a doctor bring you down. You heard that saying, "only share your strengths not your weakness," this is because most people will associate others with what sticks out in their minds the most and there is no reason for acquaintances to think of a syndrome when they think of you, especially one that is easily overcome.
The less others think of you with troubles, the less troubles you will think of yourself, and so be it, the less troubles you will have. You are doing great. Another thing is that there is lots of highly intelligent people who may not be as social as most and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself find that what most people talk about is really boring. Stay strong and true to yourself. With love, Heather.

Hannah, your true friends and boyfriend love you for what you ARE. If you have the Asperger's syndrome you don't have it since it has been diagnosed. I am sure you have it since a few years or your entire life. A diagnose does not change the person who YOU are and for what you are loved, appreciated and respected.
I can relate to you. I don't have Asperger syndrome but also kind of a "stigma" diagnosis.
My advice, tell them, tell the people you trust. They will not think badly about you if they really love you.
Love from Germany, Maren.


There are many different conditions a person can have, both physically, emotionally, and mentally, that pose a challenge to them. Everyday, each person you meet is facing some form of a challenge in their life, and you are definitely not alone. The fact that you want your friends and loved ones to know about your condition is already a positive way to view your diagnosis. It can be tough to open up to people sometimes, but if you let them know now that you are facing this struggle and may need their help/guidance/assistance in the future, you will be more calm about the situation and so will they! If they don't treat you the same way after you tell them as they did before, then they are probably friends that would run away at the first sign of trouble anyways. Please, live your life with an open heart and allow yourself to feel, whatever those feelings may be (nervous, excitement, etc). Good luck in your journey! Kiley.

Well, Hannah, you don't need to be afraid to tell them what's going on and that you have Asperger. Now, I want you to know that I deal with a girl with Asperger everyday, my cousin, and she is treated the same as me by our family. So your friends wont make fun or stop being your friends, just say to them and don't be scared
Rui.


I know how hard this must be for you. It's always hard having to tell people who are close to you something that you are struggling with. But, if I were you, I would embrace it. Accept who you are and tell you friends and boyfriend. They love you and yes, they may look at you a little different, but they will still love you for you. That's what friends are for. If they can't accept that then that is their loss and they will soon realize how stupid they are because I'm sure you are a wonderful person. Good luck! Lots of love! Party Girl.

It's great that you have close friends and boyfriend despite your diagnose. I suppose and hope it means that you are functioning normally among community (family, friends, school). Anyway, any diagnose means something, so I think that you have to ask yourself 2 questions: "Which symptoms of Asperger (AS) do I have?" And: "Which symptoms of AS do others notice in my behavior?" Write down your subjective opinion.
Then you can ask your friends and boyfriend to tell you what unusual or disturbing behaviors they notice about you. If it is related to AS you can easily mention that those habits/behaviors are called "Asperger's disease." It's just a medical name, it's not YOU and who you are. If your close people've been accepting you for a long time, it means that you fit in. It also means that they are similar to you in many ways. Obviously you're not so different from them because of "diagnose."
Just relax and live life as you were the happiest and healthiest person.
But the main goal should be to tell and live the truth always. Don't be scared if people go away, be opened for people to come in and stay in your life.
If you are honest and ready to give your love, you will always find such a people for you.
Best wishes, Kamili.


I think the best thing to do is to be honest and tell your friends and boyfriend. Tell them about Asperger's and also tell them about how you don't want them to treat you any different. Honesty is the best policy :)
From, Daliah.

Firstly, stay strong. It shall all be alright. To move on to your
situation, I had quite a similar one myself - in November 2012, I was
diagnosed with a tumour. Being on 15, it was quite a lot to take in,
let alone tell my close friends and people around me.
I didn't tell anyone in school for a month and a half- the whole
stigma of being dealt with softly or with pity was too much for me.
Gradually, I opened up about it to only three people, with whom I
could trust my life with. And from then on, life changed drastically.
I didn't have to hide myself anymore. I could express my difficulties,
and they would do their best to help me. Most importantly, they didn't
tell anyone, so my secret was safe.
Since you have a boyfriend and two close friends, I suggest you inform
them about your situation immediately. I know it sounds scary, but
trust me, it feels much better. But tell them not to tell anyone else-
you'll just have to trust them on this; no other way. I hope I could
help you in this.
Much love from India, Shashwat.


If you feel that it's important for you that your friends know about your disorder, you should tell them. If they are your true friends, they will stay by your side and show you support. That's what true friends do. They don't judge you for having a disease/condition. They support you. Knowing about your disorder may help them understand your behavior and the fact that they should not push you if you are facing a social situation that stresses you out or makes you feel uncomfortable. So, if you decide to tell them, be very clear when you explain them what it is about.
I don't know how old you are, but if you want to build a good and lasting relationship, you can't keep secrets like that for a long time. Most of all because this disorder is a part of who you are.
Wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.

Oh lovely, you are not the one with a problem. You use more of your brain and have a different perspective on this world. Rather then focusing on what individuals may think of an erroneous label being imposed upon you, focus your beautiful Heart, Mind, and Spirit on music, world peace, or feeding the hungry. You have the capacity to impact these things while you laugh, smile, and enjoy life. This is why you came to this Earth.
You say you have a couple of close friends- well I say you are blessed. Choose your friends carefully you are peaceful by nature, so avoid conflict, egos, and other harsh energies. Steer toward other peace-loving people. Always honor your sensitivity and surround yourself with gentleness in your relationships, home life, and work situations.
Your intellect far exceeds your wildest dreams and as far as social skills-you are simply not behind the public mask. Too many of the people walking around, being socially acceptable, long to be free from the false face they have to put on. The essence of your Soul has decided to leave you exposed for the world to see - this can be a bit scary, but live in love not in fear. Choose to live inspired. Choose to see yourself as a gift!
Be Well - Be Blessed - Be Yourself (everyone else is already taken).
I am me and I choose to Shine!
Cheers, Dani USA.


You're saying you're close with those people. That means they know you. They know what they can and can't expect from you. They've noticed before that you're having trouble in certain situations, even if they didn't realize fully consciously.
If you feel like they need to know, make it happen. It'll be hard, I know, but It'll be for the better. They'll understand. They'll understand who you are better than before.
I know it's tough to live with Asperger's. I've been diagnosed with it too. I haven't been able to tell anyone yet. But I will someday too.
Best of luck.
Josse, Belgium.

What do we mean by disorder? Essentially a conflict or self-contradiction! Then how is it important for others in the outwardly world to be the same? What should one do... just go with the flow, MAYBE! Suhail.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



October 31, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 6 November.

I'm in a bad stage of my life, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and if I say the truth, I don't even know the really "why". Well, since we've broken up I've been spending the weeks thinking about it. Have I done well? I really want this? It's just like one day I think I really don't want to go back with him but at nights or when I hear Coldplay songs like The Scientist I cannot stop crying and thinking of him like my boyfriend again.
I know is something that I can only know by myself but sometimes I need help and well... be sincere with someone who listen to me. Thanks for reading and helping me. Love, Ana, Spain.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



October 24, 2014 / submitted by Karolyn, Ecuador
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #190
Well, from all this year I have feel so alone, like literally alone because maybe don't like me or because I am different but I really don't know a main reason of why people around me treat me so in this bad way, including my family.
I feel like the the stupid girl everyone knows and ignores and they make joke on me and insult me and if I do something like for defending myself they over attack and shout at me and make me feel so sad. I have to hold all these feeling until I arrive home and lock on my bathroom and cry, because if I cry in my room my grandma and sister will see me and will make fun of it. Sometimes I talk about that with my grandma who I have live with her since I moved to Ecuador (I born in Brooklyn NY but all my family are from Ecuatorians) and tell her that please don't act that way that she is like a mom but the only thing she reply me is "I am not your mom, your mom is dead, if you don't like it here, the door are all the time open for you to leave." And it is horrible because she was my mom's mom and that is really horrible.
I don't have a close friend to talk about this because every person I have met on school had treat me bad and ignores me and I am always trying to be kind at them. I feel hated and I don't know why.
Thanks God this is my last year of High School and I am going to try to walk away from people who are like that to me but I can't go away from my house and go to another country because I am scared to death that while the time I am in another country my grandma die and I won't be able to be with her. This can be strange because of the way she is to me but anyway I love her and I would consider myself a monster if I am not with her until her last days.
So, I know this is really confusing but I really feel lost. Moving with my dad to NY would be worse. I feel that no one understands me. The only person I kinda trust is my sister but like I said before, she later makes fun of me and that makes me feel so miserable with life.

There are a lot of issues to deal with but here are my initial thoughts.
1. You have been through a HUGE life event, well two. Your Mum died and you moved far away (& from your Dad).
2. Your Grandma lost her daughter so it's not just you who is feeling lost.
I really think you need to talk to someone who perhaps isn't part of the family - like a school counsellor or someone via your doctor. The feelings you're keeping inside need to come out.
I can completely understand why you feel like everyone and everything is against you but I suspect that's not the reality but just your temporary truth. Maybe the reason people are this way with you is because of something you're unaware of. Maybe you could ask someone you like, why they stay away from you?
Some kids can ostracise newcomers. If you haven't been at the school from the start, they may not know how to accept you or deal with your situation. That's their problem and hopefully some or all of them will come around but as you say, it's your last year so, keep being kind - that's a good thing.
Your sister is not handling the situation but she has also lost her Mum and it may just take time to get through to her. You have a shared bond so I would try harder with her. Try not to let her making fun of you upset you; that's just her coping mechanism. Tell her it's not funny.
Also try again with your Grandma. You all need each other for love & support.
I wouldn't be surprised if there is anger or a negative vibe that could be unwittingly coming from you. That would be totally understandable given what's happened / happening?
If you can find a way to deal with all that's happened, maybe you will be able to integrate with your family & people at school. It will be hard and may take time but I know you can do it.
Talking about it will help but as I often suggest, write a letter if you think it will help get your feelings heard.
Over to you.

Karolyn, you should know that your family can help you with that, you just need to talk with them and they will understand, that's what family's for.
You should try to make friends, and even if you just make one, try to express yourself and trust him, but you need to know if he/she is a real friend, he will try to help you. Rui, Portugal.


May I ask did you comfort with yourself in your situation? If you did, don't let people described yourself. People commit a crime, that's not their willingness. It's because they suffered, they live with their delusional heart and mind. Just love them, loving people who hate and hurt you. Love your enemy, this is the deepest and the highest wisdom that all religious teaching and philosophy in the world. Sarah, Indonesia.

It's very hard to stay positive when everything around you is forcing you to feel otherwise. I know it feels horrible losing someone you love and have all what's left of them (your grandma) treat you awfully. You have to understand that not everyone is going to be understanding and that the loss of your mother was tragic to your grandmother. People in high-school might be bullying you just to make each other laugh, so try and ignore it because they don't really believe in what they are saying about you. It is overwhelming when you have feelings that you cannot let out by talking to anyone, but there are other ways you can let out your excess emotion. Try doing things you like to let everything go. Try helping your grandmother out because she seems really affected by the loss. Life is good, with everything it brings of trouble and seemingly endless miseries, you just really have to try and understand it and adjust to it well. I hope you all the best with your life. Solaf.

You lost your mom; it must be hard because she is your first relationship and connection to world. Her death might be like loosing your own connection with a world and yourself.
May be you still haven't overwhelmed her death.
Try to imagine that she still lives somewhere. She watches you and tries to help you.
Her message would be to live at the present- take maximum from life. If you think that life will be better back in NY, then go back. Be sure of your decision, not because of your grandma or anybody else, but because of you. Your grandma had an opportunity to live her life, now it's up to you to live yours.
You said that nobody was good at your school although you were nice to them. Well,sounds impossible that NOBODY is good person. Try to remember that on average people are at least OK. Probably there is something inside you that pushes people away, not because they are evil. It might be because of your fears, lack of self confidence and thinking that you don't deserve them. If you move to the other part of the world but keep thinking that people are bad, and blaming them, you'll stay unhappy.
I'll go directly with some advice:
- Never blame the others for anything.
- Forgive everything to everyone.
- Don't feel sorry for yourself.
- Find love, peace and happiness inside you.
- Change your bad habits.
- Focus on studying and working hard.
- Do sports.
- BELIEVE.
Best wishes, Kamili.

Don't let other people's opinions make you feel inferior or ashamed of something you truly believe in- you SHOULD defend yourself. And as you said, you can walk away from people from school after graduation. Unfortunately, I hate to tell you this, but you are going to be judged your whole entire life. And that's not to say it's just you, that's everyone. You can't force change in how people look at you, but you can change how you react to it. How you respond to something is under your control, and you need to have a thick skin. I'm not saying it's easy, because it's not. I'm also in my last year of high school with similar issues, so I can relate.
My suggestion would be to follow your heart and ignore what others think - do what YOU want. Don't let fear take you over. If you truly believe that moving will be in your best interest and the best thing for your future, then do it. I want you to take time to take care of yourself before you worry about others because if you don't, you will be totally beat down- and I can see just in this post you are getting to that point.
I don't know if I phrased everything correctly, but I also highly recommend that you sign up with a therapist (it really does help). I wish you the best of luck and please take time to love yourself. Myrah.


I would like to tell you that their are people in the world who understand your situation and feel the way you do but I'm sure you've heard that before and don't want to hear it again.You're trying so hard to be accepted it's just hiding who you really are, and it getting exhausting having to perform 24/7. You are special, in the midst of it all, all your sadness and despair, you're still here and living. And you should be proud of that because you are strong. Don't shut out people from you're life because I guarantee you their is somebody, somewhere who you can relate to, someone who will learn to love you and grow old with you. You may just be suffering from depression or another disorder, and some therapy or new friends can help you deal with this. Possibly try to befriend somebody who can relate to you, this person could possibly be your neighbor or an account on your computer. Just don't give up hope, you'll be okay. Try to workout issues and problems by using art, music, writing, or just talking about it even if the only person you have to talk to is yourself. Don't change yourself, being a outsider or misfit and being different is a good thing. You were born an original, don't die a copy. Don't worry, it'll all be okay in the end, if it's not okay it isn't the end. Good Luck. Kaylyn.

First of all, I am sorry you feel so alone and feel quite badly that people are unkind to you. You are correct in staying that life will be better in after high school and that is indeed true. In high school you change and often grow out of your friends. I know I did. When you move on to college or whatever you choose to do in the next stage of life, make sure you surround yourself with people who are kind and make you feel cared about and happy. Also, one thing in life I learned is that is we need to teach people how to treat us. Keep that in mind when meeting new people. If they are mean to you, then tell that you don't like that. If they don't listen, then move on. Also, I don't want to hurt you, but have you ever considered that people are picking on you because they know you will react. I know it sounds awful but people often target those who they can get certain reactions from. I wish that people were not like this, but human beings are imperfect and often displace their anger or other emotion on those they view as weak. So, you need to be less reactive or simply ignore people who are not supportive when you are upset. Take action and if you do not, nothing will change. You are truly the only person that can make yourself happy. Marcia.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



October 24, 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 30 October.

I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's disorder, meaning I am extremely intelligent but have trouble socially. I have a couple close friends and a boyfriend, and I want them to know what is going on. At the same time, there is a ton of stigma with Asperger's syndrome, and I don't know if my boyfriend and friends would look at me the same if I told them. What should I do? Hannah, USA.

Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



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