February 21, 2014 - submitted by Stephanie, Mexico
Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #157
I'm looking for your advice because I really want to know if there are others out there who feel the way I feel. The thing is I need to know where I can find the strength to let go? When things don't work out the way it should, it's time to face the truth that you have to step back and leave it for good. I am aware that letting go is the right thing to do because "I will find something better waiting in my future" or " I will find what is meant to be". I know, BUT I don't feel that way. I don't even know where to start. Sometimes I don't even want to get up out of bed, but I'm not sad because I am realistic and I know I won't die for taking my choice but I still feel this way, I feel hollow. Life is really beautiful and I want to feel it again.
The Oracle replies:
You say you don't feel that way, Stephanie but you are thinking that way and that is a very good start. So many of us don't let go because we cling to hope or if onlys. It sounds like you're being very rational. Obviously the old adage that it's easier said than done is true but you are on the right track.
Sometimes you have to give yourself time. Just because your brain knows you need to let go, the rest of you may not be ready. You need to give your heart, body or whatever time to rest, recover and heal before being ready for the next chapter.
If you imagine the "thing" - whatever it is - is on a conveyor belt. As it comes along, pick it up, spend a short time with it then place it back on the conveyor belt and let it pass you by.
Don't wallow or allow the time in limbo to linger too long. Give yourself a designated time every day to think about how it didn't work out if you need to but limit it. Balance that out with working out what went wrong, why and how you could possibly learn and grow from it for moving forward in the future.
I truly believe you can retrain your brain to cope and deal with setbacks. It may take years but there may be a time when you can let go far more easily. Until such a time, fill your life with friends, fun and doing things that you love. Spend the time positively and I'm sure you'll appreciate all that life has to offer.
Over to you.
Letting things go is sometimes harder then fight to get what you want. You said you are realistic. Think realistic about what you want. If it is something you need in the future, or if there are no other options, you must fight for it. When you have conquered your problems, you'll probably feel much and much better. I can tell that by my own experiences.
I know exactly what you feel more than you can realize. What I do is think about my reasons for needing to let it go and find strength in my reasons. Listening to music, going for a drive and getting ice cream, even smiling helps me too. When my emptiness begins to happen I have to tell myself that I will not let it bother me because I am in the right and am doing what I need to do to be better. Hope this helps! Ashlyn.
I can understand your situation. Everybody feels the way you do, for example me, in the event that things don't work out, I don't want to do anything. Just sitting for hours or staying in bed and sleeping... The first thing to be done is really easy : Don't be alone and sad, listen your favourite song, watch your favourite movie, talk to your best friends or write something! Writing is the best skill of expressing yourself. Gain your self-confidence. Try to do something, something you enjoy to do. You're right, life is really beautiful. And it goes on, every second, every minute. You have got dreams, haven't you? Follow your dreams. Don't forget them. Good luck. Oylum.
You go through the motions. That's how you let go. You go through the motions of day to day life, focusing your thoughts on productive things, on progression in life and not on the thing that you find so hard to let go. At some point in time, you will find that you have let go. For me personally, I don't want to be in love with someone who isn't in love with me. I don't mind loving someone who doesn't love me back. That happens all the time. I don't want to be in love with someone who isn't in love with me, but it happens. I've found letting go of that heartbreak/disappointment starts with just going through the motions of life, as if it's just a normal day. Its an exercise in self-restraint, but you know what? Self-restraint is such a great mechanism for personal growth. I'm sure that's why its used on this circus ride, so get to using it. Miranda.
First of all, you're not alone. I understand what you mean. I frequently feel the same way. That permanent feeling that you did something wrong, that you regret on doing something, that you disappointed or hurted someone... Or even when you can't shut down something that's already over. The thing is: letting go is hard, especially if you're that kind of person who keeps thinking about it and the "WHY": "WHY did I do it?" "WHY can't I undo it?" "WHY can't I let go?". The fact is: you can, indeed, let go. But it takes time. My advise: in order to let go, you need to stop for a while and think about it: I assume you're not crazy; so, when you made that particular choice, you were believing, in that moment, it was the right thing to do. If you were right, you have nothing to be sorry about, regardless the consequences. If you were wrong and you shouldn't have made that decision, than you need to take this experience and learn from it, to avoid something similar in the future. Try this, and, hopefully, you will be able to let go. Best wishes, Ana, from Porto, Portugal.
There are thousands of people out there feeling the way you do. I used to be one of them myself. 'Letting go' is one of the hardest things to do in life, I'm a social worker now and every day I try to teach the people I work with to let things go. And I always see them struggle for a while before finally succeeding. I think the key to letting go, in this case, is; accepting that you've lost something (a job, a friendship), think about why you've lost this something, you probably had a good reason for making the decision to let it go, and find something equally good or even better to replace what you've lost. Take your time, don't rush things. But remember one thing Stephanie, life IS beautiful! You just have to find something that makes you happy, that makes it worth it for you to get up out of bed in the morning. Good luck! Amanda.
The obvious answer seems to be written in your letter already - that you just need to let go indeed. However, life is tricky and sometimes, as they say, 'You gotta fake it until you make it'.
First, your feelings are there for a reason. Therefore, no need to push them aside. The more you try to deny them or go against them - the more they will keep coming back. Just take a breath and accept that's how you're feeling right now, and tell yourself that is all right. Accept what is happening. Observe it. I find that always does it - because inside of you, there is the Stephanie that is already on the right path. Indeed, life is beautiful, and you will get to feel it again. Again, the key is acceptance and respect for yourself through all that you are experiencing right now.
The next step... Fake it til you make it. That means you can't stay stuck in a rut or glued to your bed. That is not an option. No matter how sad you feel, upon waking, jump out of bed and smile, and tell yourself something nice to start the day (even if you don't feel like it). Then, go out for a brisk walk - even better, try running! See the beauty that surrounds you.
The sun is just around the corner. Every day, you will be stronger - just keep your head and your heart high. Love, Irina.
Letting go is a process, not a switch that can be flipped (even when we know beyond all doubt that we must let go and move on), and it's important to be gentle with yourself. I believe that every person/thing we have to eventually let go of leaves behind lessons, something sown in the fertile ground of our souls. We have to be patient sometimes to see what will blossom in the future, but time will prove that for whatever reason, we needed to be on this path, even during the painful parts. The way it feels right now is not the way it will always feel, and by recognizing the need to let go, you have already embraced your inner strength.
Wishing you the best, Mel.
If only the heart would listen to the head. Sounds like your head knows! Acknowledging your sad feelings and realizing you won't die because of them is a great step. Assuming this is a broken relationship, cut all ties if you can, it is hard at first but the less you interact with the person the better it will get. Hard to see now, but you will learn something from this, whether bad or good, take it with you. Time will help, that is very cliche, but unfortunately that is sometimes all you need. We have all gone through this, it totally sucks!! I know you think you will never recover, but I have confidence you will. You sound like you have a GREAT head on your shoulders!
Take care, Jenny.
That sounds there are two things, 1st: you canâ��t let go, 2nd: you feel exhausted and hollow, those are combined for sure.
I think itâ��s in our nature of surviving we donâ��t give up things easily. Many things I got by trying again and again only, if I had stopped it later there probably would not come better situations for me. Sometimes I took breaks, long breaks. Saying, now itâ��s too much, but I can try it later. Then I did something very different, even for months or years, tried the stopped thing again and it worked. Today I would not want to miss both, the time of doing something different and to try it again.
Of course this can not be done with everything, some things are gone when you let them go. Though there might be more chances to try it later again than it seems at first sight. Maybe the imagination of letting go completely makes you scared. So you take an enormous effort to keep things, that robs your power. Check out if you can take breaks, do other things which give you new energy. â��Reloadedâ�� you can go back and try it again. If it really should not work then either, you will feel you want to let it go before it ruins you, but this will be an exception, believe me. Love. L.Q.
Thanks to all those who replied to this weekâ��s question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.