March 15, 2013 - submitted by India, United States of America
Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #111
I am young (not too young though) but I am in love. I have known this person for years and have been with them for nearly two now. I would do anything for this person. I love everything about them, from their hair to the way they write to the way they love me. Their imperfections are perfect to me, and despite the tribulations we sometimes face, I always come out feeling even more grateful they are at my side, always there for me.
I'm just 16-does this mean I'm too young to be in love? I feel like I am but all adults know say I have no idea what this means. Please help.
The Oracle replies:
How people who were once 16 themselves can say that to you is baffling.
Adults sometimes like to have a distorted view of the past. They look back and remember what they thought was love at the time but now they're older, say that it wasn't. No matter what they think they know now, at the time it felt like love therefore why the heck can it not be that it *was* love?
There are many different kinds of love but first love is an all consuming emotion. It's an important part of growing up. I don't really believe in there being "the one", more "the one right now" and if you find a life partner, great. If not, that's ok too. In the meantime you may fall in and out of love several times.
By the way, let me say I feel there is an exception. I don't think you can be in love with someone you do not know - I am talking about celebrity crushes, infatuations, adoration etc. I think that is a form of love but not IN love.
I think what the adults really mean when they say you are "too young" is that this love will most likely not last your lifetime. Right now that is not something you believe or want to hear but it could be true. That shouldn't stop you from feeling whatever the heck you feel regardless of adults trying to label it and dismiss it.
You go right and ahead and be in love and long may it last but if it doesn't, don't let anyone taint this experience.
I fell in love when I was 17. It was a disaster. It's easy to look back and say I wasn't in love, I just thought I was. I now think I was in love but not as deep as the love I subsequently experienced. That said, the pain of heartache hasn't changed!
You may fall in love several times, a few times, once, never... but it isn't up to anyone else to tell you what it is you feel.
Enjoy it while it lasts and if that is a lifetime, you are one of very few. Whatever the outcome, I hope that you look back at this time with fond memories.
Over to you.
I believe you are never to young to be in love. If you really feel that way about this person, then you are in love. There are is no "fake" way of feeling like that. I don't think that your age can change that, unless you are like 6 or something. If you are willing to spend your life devoted to someone, like you are, there is no doubt in your love for that person and it is definitely real. Best regards, Claire USA.
I think even if we're older, we eventually ask ourselves how serious our feelings for someone are. The thing is though, we learn more about ourselves as we go through life. We become more confident and sure of ourselves the older we get, as we also have more experience in certain situations. I don't know that you have to be a certain age to be in love, but I do think you should be certain about how you feel. I can't tell you whether or not you're in love, but your question suggests that you aren't that sure yourself, which might mean that you're not. Love, Darem.
Never too early and never too late to be in love... Anon.
To give a clear opinion about this question I took it like if it was happening to me. So from my point of view, this person is not too young to be in love or to be feeling what she is feeling, BUT this person gotta be careful. Strong feelings makes you think that you are doing the right thing when its not. Kimberly.
Uhm too young? Not at all! Some people simply find love earlier then others. You may not be in love because at this young age it always feels like love. However, at 16 love is possible. Irrespective of what anyone thinks (even me) if it's love you will feel it. Hope this helps! Jide.
My belief is that love can come at any age and at any time. If you think you're in love and you say (and mean!) that you love all of the things about them, then I am with you all the way! Love is a strange occurrence; It's different for everyone. Those adults who tell you that you don't know what you're talking about are just trying to save you down the road. Falling in love young can put a lot of ache on your heart. But usually it's this young love (that is still true) that sets you up for life. Mistakes need to be made for lessons to be learned. You'll fall in love a billion times and it will be different a billion times. But one day you'll be with someone who you feel truly in love with because they share all the right qualities that the others previously didn't. I think that's what the adults you talked to were feeling. They didn't realise that all of those young loves leading up to their moment were just as important and that they were just in love then as they are now - It was just... different. My advice is just to listen to your heart and see where it leads. Nicole - Victoria, Australia.
Of course you can be in love. I don't think being in love has anything to do with age. Being in love isn't necessarily the same as love, but it can be. And it doesn't have to last forever. Just be happy with what you feel today and let tomorrow bring whatever tomorrow brings. Enjoy your love. Tamar.
One must know ones self and love the self before one can love another. Since there is so much focus placed on this other person, this appears to be an obsession or infatuation to avoid dealing with the self. Nevertheless, love can come in many forms, but, in the end the act of loving another is a reflection of how we see ourself, in connection with the other person. Infatuation focuses on giddy feelings that may or may not be allowing a person to see the other person realistically, but, in relation to shared circumstances. As more circumstances happen, reality and time reveal how realistic the perceptions of another really are. So, it could be a form of love, but, only time will tell. Trish.
I absolutely do not think it is too young to love. I am also 16 and have liked the same guy for many years now and think I love him. If you honestly feel this way about someone who is anyone, including adults, to tell you what you do and don't feel? Angeline.
No, I don't think you're too young. I fell in love also at a young age, the most hurtful and regretful thing was letting him go, because people told me I was too young too, too much distraction for school etc. So go for it listen to your heart. Soraya.
In response to the above question I would say you are never to young to be in love, when you know you have found the right person you just know. I too was just 16 when I met my, now, husband we have been together nearly 12 years and I look forward to many more happy years together in the future. As long as you are happy that's what counts. Sarah.
Your mind is only yours, your love is only yours. Jimin
We can define love in so many different ways: romantic, friendly, familial...
No one is ever too young, or too old to love: whatever age, whatever race, whatever state of life, whatever social status; it doesn't matter. Love comes to us in many different ways: we just don't know it until we know. And from the way you've defined your emotions towards this person, I think you know.
My advice, though, is to know your limits. I'm sure you want to prove your love for this person, but there are things that you cannot control, and there are boundaries you have to respect.
Love is a risk, and you have to be willing to give your heart away. It may sound foolish to some people, but if love is what you feel, you might as well take it.
The first thing you have to understand is that Love is a state of mind, and not an emotion.
The person who "you love" merely shows you that, within yourself, you have the capacity to be a loving person.
The overwhelming feeling you think is love, is actually joy, and often times, it is another person who opens us up to that state of mind of Love, and fills us with joy.
When life decides you need to learn about love, the lesson will present itself. There are no age restrictions! Celebrate and Share. Jim.
First of all you have to understand something, love isn't about definitions and opinions of other people. Is about what you feel inside you. I know you are maybe worried about what you parents and other adults say about you and your relationship, but I don't think they have the last word in this. It's your choice, it's always going to be your choice, because, at the end of the day, it's your heart.
How can they know what your feelings are? Think in that, they were teenagers too, but maybe, they have forgotten how is to be one. Your love is not less love than theirs, it's just different.
Is there any love as pure and innocent as young love? As you grow a lot of things change, including your way of think, and of course with that comes a new outlook of life. You'll have new objectives, goals and needs, and maybe you start to love differently to the current. But it's not impossible, it's not wrong to love at you age, we can love at any age. And doesn't matter, because love is always going to be beautiful and magic.
It is true that you haven't seen and lived a lot of things yet, it is true that you still have no clue of you future. But, when it comes to life, is not about your age, is about feeling each moment as if it were the only one. So stop thinking about what are you feeling, JUST FEEL IT.
Best wishes. Valentina.
I don't think 16 is too young to fall or be in love. However, love evolves, changes, matures, grows, and looks different as you evolve, change, mature and grow. The love that you feel at 16 is just an echo of the love you're capable of feeling later in your life. I had many loves early in my life that don't compare to the love of my life now. But they were true loves.
One problem is when adults dismiss the intensity a 16 year old feels when they're in love. Teenagers feel love as much as they're capable. I do not think they're 100% capable of the selfless love that is needed to make a lifetime commitment to another person work--many adults never get there. But the young still feel love and to belittle that emotion is unfair.
I think the author of this letter will eventually fall out of love with their sweetheart, but they have the right to express what they're feeling as love. They may look back one day and laugh and say "What was I thinking?!" but your first love shapes who you are and how you love later in life. Jenny.
You do know what true love feels like because yours able to see right through their imperfections but what about their perfections... does it bother you? If you feel your feelings are strongly to deep try by toning it down or may become an obsession. Take a break to see how you really feel. Claire.
Of course you are. Believe in how you feel. If adults were the only people to fall in love, how are some people together for 65+ years? They met young.
Cheers to being in love. Sydney.
I believe I may be a perfect example on how you are not to young to be in love. When I was 16, I did not believe in Love, never thought it would happen to me. I met my husband then, he was a 3 years older than me,(16 & 19). Family, and friends gave us a hard time about it. Said it would not last, that we did not know anything about life yet. We both felt we were in love, and was instant for both of us. We have been together everyday since. We will celebrate our 13th anniversary together, in July. We have been married for 3 years. We have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, and I somehow am more in love each day with them both. Jess.
Sometimes I think that the younger you are, the better you know how to love. We lack experience, but maybe that's a good thing; it just means our emotion comes from a more organic place. Young people have the luxury of being soft to the world, which means the things we experience, we experience deeply. Some would call that frivolous, but there must be a reason so many people look back on young love with so much nostalgia and whimsy. I don't think you're too young, and I think you can gain so much from being honest with yourself about the way you feel. If anything, I would recognize this as a step in your life; if you can experience love like this when you're 16, just imagine how much love you can participate in in your future, as long as you stay open to it. The way we define and experience love will probably change as we live our lives, but I think any moment with love is better than one without it. So go on, be in love with this person. Be in love with life. Banicia, 20, USA.
I believe that you can fall in love at any age. The only difference between falling in love at 16 and 30 is that the person who's 30 has gone out and explored the world without any limitations. The person who's 30 has likely experienced more relationships, heartache, and real world crap like having to work and paying bills. The person who's 30 or 50 knows that being in love with someone is very different when having a long term committed relationship or marriage with someone. Because when you're in a committed relationship it takes more than just love to make it work. It takes hard work and communication to make any relationship work but more so when your older and the hardships of life like trying to pay bills(especially in this economy) and raising kids starts to take over the majority of your life and you have a hard time making sure that your relationship is in a good place. So being in love at 16 is something that can happen. But the test of true love happens when both of you are on your own, no help from your parents and the world starts raining crappy situations down on you, and if you can some out on the other side still in love, that's true love. Jessica.
During our time on earth you might once meet this one person who throws your whole universe out of balance,
someone you would go to the ends of the earth for, someone who makes you to a better person,
someone you want to be with for the rest of your life and someone who gives you this one feeling no one else causes.
In this case, it doesn’t matter if you fall in love with 16, 23, 42 or with 60, because love needs no age.
Love is not a process you acquire over years; it’s just there, simply existing.
There are so many people searching and wishing for the feeling of love.
So how do you even want to know that the adults you mentioned have an idea what it means?
Love is such a truly gift. Don’t allow it that people make you insecure about your feelings.
If you can’t trust your feelings who else do you want to trust?
You mentioned it so endlessly heart-warming how much you adore this one person, so trust your feelings.
If you’re once again insecure, then listen to your heart, it’ll give you the right answer! Lisa Marie.
There is no defined age that says “you are now old enough to be in love”. It is a very reasonable to believe that a couples’ love that has lasted 50 years is just as strong as a couples’ love that has only lasted 10 years. What most people are basing YOUR young love on is the societal norm that has recently been put into play in the last few decades. What most adults tend to mean is to not let your current relationship blind you to the possibilities you may have elsewhere. You love your current partner now and that is completely fine, but the reality is that there will always be someone more suitable for you and vice versa. It is silly to put “forever” on something that isn’t truly set in stone at such a young age even if you’d like it to be- but yet you should still remain to love and rejoice with the person you are with now. Again, time and trials will challenge you in ways that will allow you to evaluate whether or not you will continue to love the person you’re with as much as you do now. If you love him the way that you have described, I would say that you are indeed in love. Patsy.
So many of you sent replies to this week’s question thank you. It was great to see so many new responders. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone. Sorry if your view wasn't included this week but please click to read this week's, and send us your answer.