October 21, 2011 - submitted by Chance, United States of America

Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION - #43

So I have to decide between 2 girls, (we'll call them Sarah and
Melissa) I have liked Sarah for 5 years, we dated for a while but we
broke up. I met Melissa a few weeks ago, and we've been talking and
then when I'm about to ask Melissa to be my girlfriend, Sarah calls me
and basically confesses that she made a mistake letting me go and
wants me back, forever. Going back to Sarah could be a risk because I
could get hurt again, but she thinks I'm the one for her. And I don't
know how to decide who I should pick. please help me Oracle.
Chance.


The Oracle replies:

Hmmm, there seems to be a lot of talk about what Sarah wants. What about what YOU want? You know what you don't want in terms of not getting hurt again but there's no guarantees against that happening in any relationship. It's not necessarily a reason to avoid a relationship. How did you feel about Sarah before she dropped this bombshell? You seemed to be happy with Melissa, happy enough you were going to ask her to be your girlfriend. 5 years is a long time to like someone, but it didn't work out. Maybe she has made a mistake but it doesn't mean you have to give her another chance. If you really don't have any strong pull to one over the other, perhaps you should stay on your own for the time being. If either girl is indeed the one for you, a little time to think things through shouldn't hurt. Try not to confuse yourself by being with them both in some way - you don't need an added complication. As you may know by now, I am usually quite cynical so shall leave you with this thought: Sarah may have heard about Melissa and that's why she's doing a u-turn so do tread carefully. Over to you.

Chance there has to be a reason that you and Sarah broke up.I strongly suggest that you consider that reason as you try to decide between the girls. Is it a problem that was only relevant to the time, or was it something that just isn't ever going to change? If it's not going to change, you should probably move on and spend your time with Melissa. That said, make sure you carefully weigh what you like about each girl and why you like them before you decide! Good luck! Lexi.

Although it sounds like you and Sarah had something great for a while, in the end it obviously wasn't enough for her. I know that taking that leap with someone new can be scary and the fact that you were moving on that path with Melissa shows that you have moved on and are ready for change. I understand that need for familiarity, but just because Sarah is what's familiar to you is not a good enough reason to be with her. Someone always gets hurt, and there's nothing you can do to stop that. I encourage you to not let your past affect your future. Good luck! Kew.

Idea #1. This may sound mundane, but take a two-sided coin. Heads = Sarah, Tails = Melissa. Now flip it. Whatever comes up, are you happy with what it says, or do you want to flip it again? If you want to flip it again, something is telling you that you want the other option/woman.
Idea/Suggestion #2. People always learn from hind-sight. What she says could be true (that you're "the one"), or maybe she's been out there in the world and can't find someone else. Maybe she just doesn't want to be alone and wants to get back with you. Maybe the other guys are jerks, or she can't get the one she really wants, so she'll settle for you. Remember, since she left YOU, so maybe she's banking on you still being hung up on her. But now you've seen this other side of her, and how she made you feel. It also looks like you're starting to move on. Personally, I would take my chance with Melissa. It sounds like you could have a good thing going. Why move backwards when you can go forwards? You had made a decision to commit to a girl, so go with it. Give it a shot, and tell Sarah about it, ask her to respect your decision. Maybe you'll learn something else from this relationship with Melissa.
Relationships and love are always a risk. In my experience, after being with someone that dumped you and getting back together, things are never the same, and sometimes there is irreparable damage. You have no reason to not trust Melissa, but you have reason to not trust Sarah. Trust is HUGE, if not THE thing that makes or breaks a relationship. Take a chance. Move forward, and ask out Melissa. Good luck. Lauren.


You should never let anyone pressure you into deciding who you want to be in a relationship with. You mentioned Sarah confessed that she thinks you're the one for her, and that she wants you back for good. The more important question you should ask yourself is, is she the one for you? Sarah knows she made a mistake, but it's important you know that you shouldn't wait around for her to make up her mind. I don't like to take sides, but Sarah had her chance (no pun intended) and missed it. That being said, I would advise you to base your decision by determining which girl you feel a stronger connection with, be it Sarah or Melissa. Since you were about to ask Melissa to be your girlfriend, I would give her more consideration. Hope this helped! Blake.

I know what you mean. I've been in this kind of problem before myself. They both sound like great girls to me, but I'm not sure how they really are. Based on what you say, if I were in your shoes, and if I HAD to pick, I would go with Sarah. I think to have a strong relationship one has to have a strong foundation with the partner before they start to go out. However, I think the better choice would be to really look in your heart, evaluate what YOU want in a girl, and apply those ideals. Also, take into consideration that Sarah sincerely wants you back. If you really love her as much as it sounds that she loves you, then go for her. But that's for you to decide. At the end of the day, basically, you want to chose what makes you happy. I hope all works out for you, and that you find happiness. Good luck man. Brendan.

I think "Melissa" needs to be your main priority. She deserves a fair chance and your attention. "Sarah" had her chance and she blew it. Maybe if things don't work out with Melissa, then give Sarah another shot but for now, eyes on the prize. Jesse.

Relationships aren't always easy but once such a big step, like breaking up is done you can't take it back. However maybe some people need to see what they have lost to realize what they need, but you have to decide for yourself if you want to and can forgive your (ex)girlfriend or if you want to have a new beginning. No matter which choose you make, if you are sure about your feelings it will be the right decision. Love, Adriana.

What a predicament! You've liked Sarah a long time, and you two gave it a go. It didn't work out, you've sort of moved on, and you're exploring new relationships. That's great! You seem young, and forever is a mighty long time! I'm wondering if Sarah proclaimed her undying love for you, knowing your intention to ask out Melissa? Is this the case? If so, I think she's playing you - it sounds like a case of release him but keep him on the line. That's no good. I say get out of there quick and ask out someone who's not going to play games - honestly, just because you're young doesn't mean you've all the time in the world to get strung along, right? Good luck and take care! Aimee.

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