June 24, 2011 - submitted by Xiao, United Kingdom
Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #30
Hi Oracle. I am 25 and need your advice. I'm single (have been all my life) still living with my parents and have no skills. I work (at MacDonalds minimum wage) and I am willing to work hard to earn money. I know it sounds pathetic for someone my age to say it but, I still have no idea what I want to do in life. I am terrified of the future. I really want to move out, but I still want to go back to China (I went in 2008) and I know I can't do that if I move out. The only things that gives me comfort are my friends and family, music and Buddhism. Sorry to ask such a stupid question and to phrase it so long, but what would you do? Stay at home or move out? Thanks and Buddha bless you all. Xiao.
The Oracle replies:
This goes to show how different we all are. Many people may be shocked that you are still living with your parents at 25, more may be surprised at them letting you! Some may find it strange you don't know what you want to do with your life yet, others may be slightly envious of your approach to life so far. For myself I see one huge factor to all of this; an underlying desire to return to China. Personally I don't think until you do, that you will make sense of anything. Earning money to do that seems to be the driving force. It's not clear whether you mean for a holiday or as relocation but I am assuming it's the former, in which case, pull your finger out, you can make that happen!
There are no rules to when, how or why you do things in life but we're conditioned to follow certain paths of school, higher education, job, move out etc. I personally do think 25 is an age where your parents have done their bit and now it's time for you to support yourself. Why not try a house share to keep costs low? Sometimes when we don't earn a lot and can't find a better waged job, we need to make huge sacrifices to save money. I wouldn't stay with my parents to ease that financial burden. I'd want my independence so would find a way to make it work. You're more likely to stay single if you live with your parents, as that's not a very appealing prospect for suitors.
Don't think all the people that do college, move out, get jobs, start families or whatever are more equipped or better informed than you. SO many people haven't a clue what they want to do, what they are doing or why they are doing it. We're all works in progress and at any point can change direction so don't fear it; embrace it. It's an adventure so enjoy figuring it out.
I hate to be harsh but it's time for you to take control. It's never too late to learn new skills. Life is short so I do encourage you to set time aside to try and work out how you'd like to spend it.
In answer to your question, I would move out and put all my efforts into doing a job I love, earning a wage that afforded me a life I am happy with. I'd stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present while setting aside some money so I could take that trip to China. I'd continue with the things that bring comfort and start making the most out of life before I'm old and regretting it when I look back. Dip your toe in the water Xiao, it may not be as scary as you imagine.
Over to you...
You have an idea for what do you want in your life, you want a change. So, go and study something, serch another work, because the money comes and goes. You are not pathetic, or your life, just be patient. But don't expect things to come by themselves, go and look them up by yourself! And move out of your parents' house! Go with some friend, your parents can help you with money.
The girl you're waiting for, will come sooner or later. BUT MOVE YOUR FEET! At 25 you're still young! Have a nice day! Manuela.
Find out what you really want in life. I found my purpose in life by having a deep relationship with God, my best friend! He showed me all. I'm 20. Although you come from a different religious background, I'm sure you have something that you want to be, spirituality is very important for this. That is the first step. What I'd advise you to do is to not move out. If you did, you'll still be coming back to your family and friends for help. Be thankful that at least you have a job. There is nothing wrong with staying at your parents house, even at the age of 25, so long as you contribute in some way to the needs of the house. It does not mean that you are irresponsible, you just need to find your feet. You should save up little by little with the money you earn and believe that you can go back to China if you set your mind to it. You saving up money is an act of faith, and trust me, faith can get you places. If you can't get a job anywhere else, then stay true to your job that you have atm. Be faithful in what you do and you shall reap the reward. Ruth.
I will stay home until I can afford to live on my own if I were you. It's a blessing that your parents can support you. What's the point of moving out when you need to borrow money from family & friends for security deposit? I doubt you want to be a homeless to prove your independence. I believe a trip to China will cheer you up. As you meet your friends in China, may you be inspired and encouraged. Your willingness to work hard is a great sign. As long as you are determined to work hard, you will find your way to increase your earning power, whether through getting a degree, finding a second job, or preparing for the next opportunity. You actually know what you want to do in life. You need to push yourself to face the reality and create a realistic action plan and mini goals to achieve your ultimate goal. My younger sister was in your shoes a few years ago. She worked her butt off and finally landed her desired job a couple years ago. She is going to move out by autumn. I'm sure you can do it too! God bless. Michelle.
I'm glad you're trying to work hard and support yourself and I'm also sorry to hear about your situation. If I were you, I would move out. But before you do move out, get some support from your friends and family. Ask them for advice. If you're still in school, ask your professors cause they are a BOAT LOAD of information. Find a job based on your hobbies, whether it's drawing, performing, construction, or music, there's always something for you. If you have a job in mind then go get that job! Keep trying, know your worth, and always ask for help. I wish you the best Xiao and may the Buddha be with you. Billy N.
I'm well into my 30's and think I'll forever question whether I'm doing what I was meant to do. Not sure it's something that we all don't wonder throughout our lives. Ultimately, you've hit the crossroads and need to decide which path to take. You can always eke it out another year or so at home, go to China, and buckle down when you return. At 25, your options are still endless, but a point will come where you need to bite the bullet and move forward, even if you're not sure where that path will lead. It's what makes life generally interesting. Follow your heart, and you'll be just fine. Courtney.
Life get bizarre sometimes and we don't know what to do or where to go, and you're lucky because you have your family and friends around and I don't want to hear that you have no skills ok, because everyone of us do have, you have to look for it deep inside you. I think going to china is a good idea if you think that's gonna help you to build a better life but remember that sometimes what we see right and that's what we have to do turns to be the worst thing we've done so think and think and think again before every step and as I always say follow your heart and in your situation follow your mind too and do what you think is right for you and if it didn't work then it's alright, it will be a good experience that you'll need in your life. Best of luck mate and my best wishe for you. Your friend Salma.
Look at the positives: You have a strong work ethic and you have a desire for independence. You are by no means pathetic! Perhaps you just need a little guidance in order for you to grow. I would recommend that you move out in order to separate yourself from old habits and begin a new life of independence. You should save up some money and have a look at an apartment. If you have a willing friend, you might be able to split the rent between the two of you. This way, you can experience some freedom while your friend can give you comfort and support. Moving to China is a bigger step that might require you to be more financially sound, and quite frankly I don't think a position at McDonald's will offer that. You should think about what interests you, and then try to go to school for that subject. For instance, a vocational school will give you skills in a trade and will also help get you started with a career in that particular trade. Discovering what you want to do with the rest of your life is scary. Personally, I had no idea what my major would be in college, and after 2 years of taking different classes, I finally zoned in on what I found most interesting. It is fear of the unknown that keeps us from moving forward and making progress in our lives. All you need to do is venture forth with the confidence in knowing you have a strong work ethic, a good head on your shoulders, and that you have nowhere to go but up! Best of luck. Blake.
It really doesn't matter that your 25 and live with your parents. You'll always know what you want.
Because everybody has a dreamjob. Just look for some education that takes you a little in the direction of your dreamjob. And if you really want to go to China just go. Follow your Heart because you cant miss it. You can miss your sense and your feeling. but you can never live without your heart. And China lays next to Nepal. Nepal is one of the country's were Buddhism is made.
Maybe you can find your true destiny and faith there. We know you make the right choice. Siem.
You're far from the only person who has problems with the uncertainty of your future. People all over the world have these anxieties, and some people take years to figure out what they want to do. Relax. You still have time. As far as moving out is concerned, I think a person should be financially stable before doing so. If you are, then go for it. If not, it's probably better that you stay at home, if not for a little while longer. If you budget your earnings wisely, I'm sure that in time, you can save enough money for a trip back to China. I'm not sure if this really helps much, but I hope this at least gives you something to think about. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Violet.
If I were you, I would go ahead and try to go for another trip to China, because it sounds like that's a big deal to you, however don't eliminate the thought of moving out. It would be a good idea, to start saving. I would try postponing the trip a little, perhaps by setting up a side fund, and put some of your money away for the trip, and put some of your money for a new place. Also, don't think you have no skills! Everybody has skills, I've had a moment in my life where I thought I was going nowhere, but I found out I had a really good knack for something, and it started off slowly, but now I can't imagine what my life would be like without it. Just keep searching! Best of luck with your plans, Bradley.
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