17 April 2014 / submitted by Lourdes, United States of America
My relationship is complicated, my boyfriend and I come from two very different cultures. He's not allowed to date, but he's dating me. Right now, when people ask me about how do I see our future, I always tell them that our future is unknown. His family doesn't know about me, and I don't know if he'll tell them one day. I'm trying to hold on to this, it's complicated, but he makes me happy. I'm just afraid that one day I'll get hurt if he decides to take his family's way. What should I do?
If you love each other it shouldn't matter than you have completely different backgrounds. Unfortunately, in reality I'm afraid that some people still disagree.
Sadly, sometimes differences in culture & faith can put a huge strain on a relationship. Nobody can tell you who to love but if your boyfriend is keeping the secret to respect his parents' traditional wishes while still living with them, you have to also respect your boyfriend desire to do that; there is little you can do about it. That said, you are entitled (to want) to conduct your relationship openly without shame or guilt. If you are not happy about having to hide, this relationship may not be for you.
I don't know what your ages are but I'm guessing you both still live at home and perhaps abiding by house rules has to be taken into consideration. I would hope that when you both reach adult age, talk about the future will shift & become more positive.
You may decide to take the risk that things will change but of course, they may not.
Perhaps you could both learn about each other's culture. You don't have to embrace his beliefs but it may help if the time to meet his parents ever comes.
I don't think it would be wise to put pressure on him or issue ultimatums but I do think you should seriously consider what YOU want and then tell him.
I assume your boyfriend thinks they won't approve or be open-minded but for the sake of the relationship, perhaps you could gently suggest he takes that chance and then you both know what you're dealing with.
Over to you.

I suggest you ask him how he feels about dating you. If he is ashamed, there is a chance he will leave you, but even in that case, you can still have a relationship.
Different cultures and love don't fit always that easy. You know, he is now trying to be a boy like one in your culture, but maybe you should also take a look at his culture. Maybe you two can find a balance between the cultures. I guess, if his parents are not too old-fashioned or too strictly, they'll agree with that. It also helps when the parents know you. Ask your boyfriend to invite you to his house and to introduce you as a friend. I guess, when his parents know you for quite a while, they'll agree with a relationship, and maybe later, marriage.

There can be many answers some that can comfort some that can make you think logically and some that would please you but there are some that you need - it is frustrating when it's complicated but it can serve for good If its true love it will endure all and will make both of you and your bond stronger because true love endures all and hopes all. So cheer up and enjoy your boyfriend. If he takes his family way then you'll move on that will take pain but everything that grows takes a bit of pain. And you will learn something that would be useful for you to learn to know and understand! Marija.

Well, Lourdes, I think now would be a good time to address these concerns to him. I know this isn't an easy situation to work through, but it's not something you can do alone. You've got to make sure he is as committed as you are, because if you find out he chooses his family's way over you it's going to hurt, but it's not something you cannot recover from. But the longer it goes on and the longer you're together, the more painful it's going to be if it doesn't work out.
And I don't want to seem overly negative, because there's obviously a very real chance that he will be committed, and that he loves you that much, and that's a great thing to hear, but it would really help to have him reassure you in that.
I hope the best for the both of you, no matter the results.
Bradley H.

This is a widespread situation, two people love each other but they have different cultures. That's difficult, and seems the problem that will never solved. Before anything else there is one thing you have to answer. Do you love each other? I mean is this true love? If your answer is yes don't care stuff like this. Maybe your parents can be so tough, but think about it they' fell in love so many times in your age and I think they'll understand your situation in the end. Introduce your boyfriend to your family or at least tell one of your trusted and loved ones from your family for example your sister, brother, cousin etc. I'm sure the person that you tell about your boyfriend helps you about your situation. Good luck. Oylum.

I can really relate to your dilemma as I was the one in a similar situation a few years back. It really is his decision as to whether he will stand up to his family, or succumb to their wishes. Perhaps he is looking for a way out of long held values, or maybe this is him testing his wings at hints of independence. Consider what will happen if it is the latter would you be happy? If it the former you may need to offer him much support as he will be going against some strongly entrenched values and ideas. Only by talking to him frankly will you find out what he wants and he may not even know yet. If you need more from him, you may need to look elsewhere. In my case it worked because I knew what I wanted. He may or may not know. Best of luck, Laurie.

With your question we are faced with an age old question.
The question of following your families traditions or breaking away from them and finding your own way.
It seems that you are very concerned about the future of your life and your relationship.
Talk to your partner about it!
The best and easiest way to deal with problems is to talk to someone you can naturally and honestly talk to, without hiding any feelings.
Talk to him about how you feel about his families traditions and how you can try and find a solutions to the differences in culture.
Maybe start off by asking him to tell his parents about you, because if you both are in for the long run, they're going to find out sooner or later.
From there on you can start working on a relationship with his family and, you never know, you might be welcomed to the family in no time.
If they do stay strict about their traditions and you're not welcomed into the family, then it's really your partners decision to either stay with the family culture or part from that, to stay with you!
But if he doesn't want to tell them about you at all, I'd start questioning the point of the relationship entirely, because no one can be happy hiding in someone's shadow.
Ultimately there are a few ways the situation can develop.
Some positive and some negative, which are heavily influenced by the characters and personalities involved.
Greetings, Clemens.

If he really loves you then tell him to convince his parents about you. You cannot put him in this situation only because he really loves you and so do you. You need to think about money for his education, living and everything. You cannot pay for that. His parents have to. The sooner he tell the parents the better it will be. They will understand if he tells without rebellion and anger. He must promise truly his parents that he will work hard to bring his scores up and wouldn't let the relationship get in the way of his future. You can tell your friends that you both are best friends till his parents agree. If they do not ask them why and try to find the solution. Neeraja.

I found myself in the same situation and regrettably due to very different cultural views, I was forced to end a relationship that meant a lot to me. What you have no matter how complicated is still a beautiful thing. Meaningful relationships are never easy and have obstacles, and you can lose yourself in the present thinking about the future. If you can learn to accept cultural differences that could bring you apart then wherever your relationship goes that will bring you closer together. Don't lose focus on what's really important and what brought you to where you are. If you can do these then I know that you'll be more than able to handle whatever comes your way. Mustafa.

You should talk to you boyfriend about your worries first. I know it can be hard when you're from two different cultures and I don't know how long you've been together, but if it's serious maybe its time you told his family about your relationship? His family might be against it, but in the end it's his life and he gets to choose who he dates and who he loves. Good luck!

Try to talk with him and say what's on you're mind. Tell him that your feelings for him are for real and that he makes you really happy. Tbh if he really loves you he will speak to his family and try to make this work. Maybe it's easy for me to say, but you can't ignore real feelings right. I really hope that it's gonna be okay! I wanna wish you good luck! Lots of love and happiness for the both of you. Greetzz Marianne.

Thanks everyone who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you'd like to reply, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.

17 April 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to before midnight Thursday 24 April.

I suppose this isn't so much a question for advice as much as it is simply looking for some sort of comfort. Oracle, have you ever lost someone who you considered a best-friend? You see a couple of years ago someone became my friend and was the first person I ever considered a true best-friend, and the first person I ever trusted. He was a year older than me and after graduating high school, left for college, never contacting me on his own afterwards.
When I asked him why, he said he did so to many people, but I know he kept in touch with those he considered close friends. This has left me in a whirl of confusion, guilt and loneliness. I'm sure he thinks I am too clingy and fragile - the last time I talked to him, it seemed forced when saying he wanted to be friends.
I'm a college freshman now, and as the year ends, I'm beginning to see that I haven't even made any new memories or friends because nothing can measure up to what I had with this friend.
Ann, USA.

Look forward to seeing your replies.

The Oracle.
Please email your replies to
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

17 April 2014 / submitted by Isaiah, United States of America
Q.  Hello,
Is the Midnight 7-inch vinyl release include a b-side?
No, as Anchorman reported, the one-sided vinyl will have an exclusive etching on its reverse.

17 April 2014 / submitted by Anna Maria, Thailand
Q.  This may seem a bit odd, but every time I listen to Katy Perry's song Roar, especially in the first verse, all I can hear is Hurts Like Heaven. I think the bass line or the chord progression or something must be similar, do you agree? All my friends think I'm an over-obsessed weirdo for noticing this, but I'd rather be obsessed with a good band than the stuff they listen to (not mentioning any names...)
I actually do disagree, Anna-Marie. The first time I heard Roar in August of last year, I thought of American Authors' Best Day Of My Life which was released in March 2013.
The rest of the world noticed its similarity to a song that Katy openly loves by her friend Sara Bareilles - Brave, released in April 2013.
Whether inspired by or paying homage to Brave, Roar is a great piece of pop.
You can even sing Jay Z's Empire State of Mind over the top if you want to. Lots of songs bear resemblances to others but it's not always deliberate - there isn't an infinite supply of musical notes, chords and riffs to make a song.

17 April 2014 / submitted by Tomer , Israel
Q.  Dear Oracle,can you please tell us when Coldplay will announced the info about the tickets to the Royal Albert Hall show??
Anchorman gave all the information you need so please follow the link that he provided within the news piece this morning.

16 April 2014 / submitted by Jayden, Australia
Q.  Hello,

The only live version of Yes I can find is from Toronto, 2008.

Is this the only time Yes has been played live, and if so, why?

No. For starters there were two shows in Toronto and it was played both nights.
Yes wasn't played as often as many other songs on the Viva tour but during 2008, it actually made 15 appearances. One twice in Europe and the rest in the U.S.A & as you say, Canada.
I've always assumed the song was dropped due to the low vocal timbre - it wasn't all that easy to sing.

16 April 2014 / submitted by Andrea, Peru
Q.  Hi Oracle
Why Guy sangs in Apparatjik taking lead vocals and in Coldplay don't? Why is too difficult for Guy to sing in Coldplay?
No, it's because he is the bass player and not the vocalist. Even though Will has taken lead vocals a couple of times and Jack White and Brendan Benson for example share lead vocal duties in The Raconteurs, it's not usual for anyone but the lead vocalist to sing lead vocals.

16 April 2014 / submitted by Greg, United States of America
Q.  Howdy Oracle!

I'm not sure if this had been answered before, but who are the two people sitting in the back of the In My Place video?

Thanks a bunch!

I first answered this in 2009 and again (indirectly) in 2011 but just for you, Greg here it is again.

15 April 2014 / submitted by Norbert, United Kingdom
Q.  Who actually won the Lost? video competition?
Wow, there's a blast from the past. Can you believe that was over 5 years ago?
The winner was Paul O' Brien and you can read an interview with him here.

15 April 2014 / submitted by Christian, Sweden
Q.  Hey, How many copies of Midnight 7-inch vinyl will be released?
I believe there will be a couple of thousand copies available.
For those who don't know, Record Store Day arrives this weekend (19 April) & Coldplay are releasing a 7" of Midnight.