Oracle
31 October 2014 / submitted by Hannah, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #191
I was recently diagnosed with Asperger's disorder, meaning I am extremely intelligent but have trouble socially. I have a couple of close friends and a boyfriend, and I want them to know what is going on. At the same time, there is a ton of stigma with Asperger's syndrome, and I don't know if my boyfriend and friends would look at me the same if I told them. What should I do?
I know it's not as simple as saying, 'just tell them' but it's highly likely that you imagining what they may say is making it harder. You can't possible know what they will say and you are probably (hopefully) worrying over nothing. Don't prolong that anxiety.
Your boyfriend and friends are around you because they choose to be. Just because you think you've been given a label, you're the same girl you were yesterday; the same girl they want to be with. That won't change just because you've got Asperger's. If it does, which I doubt, they aren't worth having and better to know that now.
It's sad that any conditions still carry a stigma but maybe it's ignorance. When you tell them, ask what they already know about Asperger's. They may know more than you think or nothing at all. Explain what it is and what it will mean for you. I would ask if they have any questions for you. Add that anytime they want to talk about it with you, not to hold back. Making it an open topic of conversation will help but I honestly can't help but think they will be supportive and their feelings for you will be no different.
I wish you well.
Over to you.

I have two best friends with Aspergers and I can only imagine the struggle they and you have gone through. I assure you it is the best thing for your relationships to tell them. I have Crohn's and the best way to explain something is to define it. So tell them that you have Aspergers and then tell them what it means. Make sure to tell them that having Aspergers won't change who you are at all. And yes, you have to be EXTREMELY intelligent to have Aspergers. I hope this helps you and I wish you the best. Remember you can do amazing things no one else can do. And if your friends treat you differently, they aren't worthy of you.
Best wishes, Molly.


Everyone can have trouble socially. And it sounds to me like you are doing better socially than most. Do not let a label given to you by a doctor bring you down. You heard that saying, "only share your strengths not your weakness," this is because most people will associate others with what sticks out in their minds the most and there is no reason for acquaintances to think of a syndrome when they think of you, especially one that is easily overcome.
The less others think of you with troubles, the less troubles you will think of yourself, and so be it, the less troubles you will have. You are doing great. Another thing is that there is lots of highly intelligent people who may not be as social as most and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself find that what most people talk about is really boring. Stay strong and true to yourself. With love, Heather.

Hannah, your true friends and boyfriend love you for what you ARE. If you have the Asperger's syndrome you don't have it since it has been diagnosed. I am sure you have it since a few years or your entire life. A diagnose does not change the person who YOU are and for what you are loved, appreciated and respected.
I can relate to you. I don't have Asperger syndrome but also kind of a "stigma" diagnosis.
My advice, tell them, tell the people you trust. They will not think badly about you if they really love you.
Love from Germany, Maren.


There are many different conditions a person can have, both physically, emotionally, and mentally, that pose a challenge to them. Everyday, each person you meet is facing some form of a challenge in their life, and you are definitely not alone. The fact that you want your friends and loved ones to know about your condition is already a positive way to view your diagnosis. It can be tough to open up to people sometimes, but if you let them know now that you are facing this struggle and may need their help/guidance/assistance in the future, you will be more calm about the situation and so will they! If they don't treat you the same way after you tell them as they did before, then they are probably friends that would run away at the first sign of trouble anyways. Please, live your life with an open heart and allow yourself to feel, whatever those feelings may be (nervous, excitement, etc). Good luck in your journey! Kiley.

Well, Hannah, you don't need to be afraid to tell them what's going on and that you have Asperger. Now, I want you to know that I deal with a girl with Asperger everyday, my cousin, and she is treated the same as me by our family. So your friends wont make fun or stop being your friends, just say to them and don't be scared
Rui.


I know how hard this must be for you. It's always hard having to tell people who are close to you something that you are struggling with. But, if I were you, I would embrace it. Accept who you are and tell you friends and boyfriend. They love you and yes, they may look at you a little different, but they will still love you for you. That's what friends are for. If they can't accept that then that is their loss and they will soon realize how stupid they are because I'm sure you are a wonderful person. Good luck! Lots of love! Party Girl.

It's great that you have close friends and boyfriend despite your diagnose. I suppose and hope it means that you are functioning normally among community (family, friends, school). Anyway, any diagnose means something, so I think that you have to ask yourself 2 questions: "Which symptoms of Asperger (AS) do I have?" And: "Which symptoms of AS do others notice in my behavior?" Write down your subjective opinion.
Then you can ask your friends and boyfriend to tell you what unusual or disturbing behaviors they notice about you. If it is related to AS you can easily mention that those habits/behaviors are called "Asperger's disease." It's just a medical name, it's not YOU and who you are. If your close people've been accepting you for a long time, it means that you fit in. It also means that they are similar to you in many ways. Obviously you're not so different from them because of "diagnose."
Just relax and live life as you were the happiest and healthiest person.
But the main goal should be to tell and live the truth always. Don't be scared if people go away, be opened for people to come in and stay in your life.
If you are honest and ready to give your love, you will always find such a people for you.
Best wishes, Kamili.


I think the best thing to do is to be honest and tell your friends and boyfriend. Tell them about Asperger's and also tell them about how you don't want them to treat you any different. Honesty is the best policy :)
From, Daliah.

Firstly, stay strong. It shall all be alright. To move on to your
situation, I had quite a similar one myself - in November 2012, I was
diagnosed with a tumour. Being on 15, it was quite a lot to take in,
let alone tell my close friends and people around me.
I didn't tell anyone in school for a month and a half- the whole
stigma of being dealt with softly or with pity was too much for me.
Gradually, I opened up about it to only three people, with whom I
could trust my life with. And from then on, life changed drastically.
I didn't have to hide myself anymore. I could express my difficulties,
and they would do their best to help me. Most importantly, they didn't
tell anyone, so my secret was safe.
Since you have a boyfriend and two close friends, I suggest you inform
them about your situation immediately. I know it sounds scary, but
trust me, it feels much better. But tell them not to tell anyone else-
you'll just have to trust them on this; no other way. I hope I could
help you in this.
Much love from India, Shashwat.


If you feel that it's important for you that your friends know about your disorder, you should tell them. If they are your true friends, they will stay by your side and show you support. That's what true friends do. They don't judge you for having a disease/condition. They support you. Knowing about your disorder may help them understand your behavior and the fact that they should not push you if you are facing a social situation that stresses you out or makes you feel uncomfortable. So, if you decide to tell them, be very clear when you explain them what it is about.
I don't know how old you are, but if you want to build a good and lasting relationship, you can't keep secrets like that for a long time. Most of all because this disorder is a part of who you are.
Wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.

Oh lovely, you are not the one with a problem. You use more of your brain and have a different perspective on this world. Rather then focusing on what individuals may think of an erroneous label being imposed upon you, focus your beautiful Heart, Mind, and Spirit on music, world peace, or feeding the hungry. You have the capacity to impact these things while you laugh, smile, and enjoy life. This is why you came to this Earth.
You say you have a couple of close friends- well I say you are blessed. Choose your friends carefully you are peaceful by nature, so avoid conflict, egos, and other harsh energies. Steer toward other peace-loving people. Always honor your sensitivity and surround yourself with gentleness in your relationships, home life, and work situations.
Your intellect far exceeds your wildest dreams and as far as social skills-you are simply not behind the public mask. Too many of the people walking around, being socially acceptable, long to be free from the false face they have to put on. The essence of your Soul has decided to leave you exposed for the world to see - this can be a bit scary, but live in love not in fear. Choose to live inspired. Choose to see yourself as a gift!
Be Well - Be Blessed - Be Yourself (everyone else is already taken).
I am me and I choose to Shine!
Cheers, Dani USA.


You're saying you're close with those people. That means they know you. They know what they can and can't expect from you. They've noticed before that you're having trouble in certain situations, even if they didn't realize fully consciously.
If you feel like they need to know, make it happen. It'll be hard, I know, but It'll be for the better. They'll understand. They'll understand who you are better than before.
I know it's tough to live with Asperger's. I've been diagnosed with it too. I haven't been able to tell anyone yet. But I will someday too.
Best of luck.
Josse, Belgium.

What do we mean by disorder? Essentially a conflict or self-contradiction! Then how is it important for others in the outwardly world to be the same? What should one do... just go with the flow, MAYBE! Suhail.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



31 October 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 6 November.

I'm in a bad stage of my life, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and if I say the truth, I don't even know the really "why". Well, since we've broken up I've been spending the weeks thinking about it. Have I done well? I really want this? It's just like one day I think I really don't want to go back with him but at nights or when I hear Coldplay songs like The Scientist I cannot stop crying and thinking of him like my boyfriend again.
I know is something that I can only know by myself but sometimes I need help and well... be sincere with someone who listen to me. Thanks for reading and helping me. Love, Ana, Spain.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.
Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



30 October 2014 / submitted by George, United States of America
Q.  Hi Oracle,
Does anyone at Coldplay.com care very much that Chris sometimes doesn't sing quite the same words as given in the posted lyrics? For instance, on the song Ghost Story there's a line that reads: "A spectre on a rollercoaster" but Chris is clearly not singing the word "rollercoaster" on the recording.
Thanks

Given they're Chris' lyrics and he wrote them, we don't care at all if he changes them up as he does when performing live from time to time. On the odd occasion there have been mistakes when Chris gives us the wrong lyrics (or the case of missing lyrics that nobody seems to be able to decipher) but to be honest, I think he does sing "rollercoaster" albeit a rather different phrasing of the word.


30 October 2014 / submitted by Ben, New Zealand
Q.  Hello
How does the guys see when they play on a dark stage? Like at the start of Charlie Brown, Jonny starts playing in the pitch black. Do they have little lights?
Thanks
It's not as pitch black as you may think. There are lights emitting from all manner of things onstage. Illumination may be necessary for Chris if he's moving to / from piano for example but the band don't need lights to play their instruments.


30 October 2014 / submitted by Eleanor Rigby, United Kingdom
Q.  Dear Oracle,

Seeing that the Ghost Stories tour is over, and it's unlikely to be played at the BBC music awards, do you think Ghost Story will be ever played live? Up to now, it's my favourite song of all time, other than my namesake of course. :^)

Sincerely, Eleanor
As it wasn't played on the Ghost Stories tour, I can't imagine it being played in the future but it's not something that can be predicted. Never say never.


29 October 2014 / submitted by George, United Kingdom
Q.  Dear Oracle,
A while back I found these lyrics on a piece of Mylo Xyloto artwork.
"The two of us, we drove
A speeding ghost and a shadow
Luminous the road to the sea
We swam from the shallows
To bottle lightning's glow
Where we're gonna run, God only knows."
Where are these from? Is this from an upcoming project?
No. As you (may) know there were quite a few songs written for Mylo Xyloto that weren't included. The lyrics on the artwork are likely to be from one of the discarded tracks but I'm afraid I don't know which one. MX and GS are the only 2 albums that I didn't hear any of the songs that didn't make it.


29 October 2014 / submitted by Ellie, United Kingdom
Q.  I have tickets to see Coldplay perform at the BBC music awards!!!!!!

Any info on the set list yet? How many songs will there be?

Thanks x
There is no set list as the band won't be performing a "set".
I'm sorry to tease but even though I do know, I will not reveal in advance what they will be performing. Sorry!



29 October 2014 / submitted by Chris, United Kingdom
Q.  Do you know any more about Miracles (e.g release date) that you would be able to tell us?
As you know, Anchorman is the deliverer of news. He will let you know all the details in due course.


28 October 2014 / submitted by Mariano, Venezuela
Q.  Dearest O,

DON'T answer this question if it is true that the boys will release a new song, titled Miracle, in just a few weeks as part of the OST for the movie Unbroken.

Yeah!
Eh? I'm breaking those rules but it's plural - Miracles.


28 October 2014 / submitted by claire, United States of America
Q.  Dear Oracle, I was watching the trailer of the live 2014 album and it seemed to me that all the performances were taken from the special that was on tv around the time of Ghost Stories' release. Is that true or are there other performances from the tour?
Thanks- Claire xo
All the information you need - including the track listing - is in the news piece.






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