Oracle
29 August 2014 / submitted by Maria, Venezuela
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #182
What would you do if someone cheated on you? On one hand I think it would be
childish to take revenge, but on the other it would be impossible not to want to.
Einstein said that the intelligent people are the ones who ignore, but how could you ignore that?
This is an interesting question even if hypothetical to (hopefully) many. Revenge isn't an accepting or forgiving action. If you intend to stay with the person it's obviously not a good idea to plot or exact revenge.
Once trust has been betrayed it's hard to get it back. That will take time and there are bound to be frustrations. I would struggle to give someone a second chance but if I did, three strikes and you're out for sure. Once I could maybe forgive but if with a serial cheater, I would respect myself more than they did by cutting loose.
Personally - and I'm pretty sure this has happened to me, despite denials - I prefer to keep revenge fantasies in my head and that's probably the best place for them!
It's like you say, it's justifiable to want to and yes, hard to ignore but that doesn't mean it's the best response.
In fact, revenge isn't healthy. You may believe it's deserved and your right to or that it will make you feel better but is it really worth it?
Yes, it will make you look childish and bitter. Surely it's better to look mature and resigned?
There may be screaming, tears, questions and all manner of unpleasantries but all that's exhausting and can't be good for you internally.
Obviously all that's easier said than done; adignified response is always best if at all possible.
Hold your head high with decorum in the knowledge that you are the bigger person.
In private you can fall apart for a while and by all means have those little daydreams about what you'd like to do.
The best revenge is to move on and have a wonderful life. Who needs cheats and liars?
Over to you.

I personally think revenge is no good. Believe me, cheaters already suffer. They let down people who really care about them and don't consider that we love them. I don't know if you're talking about cheating in love or in friendship. I experienced the second one. An old friend had told our best friend that he was in love with her. I had no idea for over a year and he acted just fine with me. After I discovered that, I decided to let go the two of them. And it was the best decision really. A year later, he told me that he regrets everything he has done and that I'm the best friend he could ever have... Anyway, of course I couldn't forgive him but at least, I feel I dealt with it wisely and that a revenge would have made things worse.
So, whether it's love or friendship, you just have to remember that you're awesome and he/she is not. And that's enough.
One last thing, whenever I feel this rage inside me I would just listen to AROBTTH and it calms me down.
Saad, Morocco.


If someone cheated on me, I'd confront the person and ask to know why they did it. Yes, revenge will most likely be on my mind, but i do not believe that revenge is the best way to handle the situation. I say forget those who forget you. In the moment, your significant other failed to remember you. I would get rid of everything in my life that reminded me of them. Start fresh. I'd hang out with family and friends to help keep them off my mind. Don't let that person wiggle their way into your life, because if they cheated on you once, they'll do it again. Don't let someone negatively affect your life because of a mistake they made. You don't need anyone who doesn't need you. Erika.

I believe that the best reaction to someone who has cheated is to move on (I think this term is more suitable than "ignore" - you just can't ignore situations like these). I believe that revenge is never the right answer, because, obviously, you would do as wrong as the other person - if your moral codes tell you that cheating is wrong, why would you do the same? Besides, revenge wouldn't take you anywhere: you'd be "even", for sure, but would it fix your heart? Would you be happy again? Absolutely not; in fact, that would only extend your grief. So, in my opinion, if the relationship can no longer be saved (which happens the most), all you can do is move on, and set yourself free from what is causing you pain. Not only you may teach a lesson to the cheater, but you will also learn from it, and apply that lesson on further relationships. Then, you may even forgive that person, depending, of course, on the circumstances, but that's up to you. Always follow your heart, no matter what. Good luck. Love, Ana.

If you're in a relationship it should be based on trust. If someone cheats on you, well, you shouldn't just ignore it, because this solves nothing. Neither does revenge, even though you might want to take one. But think about it, it could cause more problems between you and your partner. I think the best solution is to talk to that person, because no revenge could do what words can. If it hurt you, say it, if you're mad, let them know. Don't let any of it be unspoken. Ask them to tell you the truth and discuss it together. You deserve to be respected and to be able to trust the person you're in a relationship with. Quince, Croatia.

If someone cheated on me I wouldn't get revenge, it's unnecessary. karma will get them, they'll be with someone they really think they love and they'll be left broken-hearted when they find out they'd been cheated on. So why waste your time and possible embarrass yourself for just a little bit of revenge? Just try to forget and move on with your life and be happy once again, you'll find somebody else that you can be with forever and it will be worth not getting revenge. Treating people kindly and respectively is the way to live and if they don't follow that then that's their problem and they will pay soon enough. Jordan.

I think when you loved and trust(ed) someone that cheated on you, you can't just ignore it.
I do think you can learn from these colorful things that life throws at you.
I can't decide on what you should do, but i do advice to not ignore it.
Maybe listen, singalong, grunge or playback to music.
Or talk about it with friends or family.
I do think that could help.
Greetings, Luc.

I know that it's very difficult. I have been married for almost 15 years. 5 years ago my husband had cheated on me. He was extremely close to leaving me for another woman. We seemed to work though it but let me tell you. It's NOT easy. I never sought revenge, that wouldn't make anything better. Would only make it worse.
I think it depends on how much you're willing to work on things to move past what had happened. I'm in a sticky situation myself.
Wishing you the best of luck.
xoxo Rosalie.


Maybe, Einstein was right. why would waste your time to a person like that? I mean if I were you I'll just probably wish him the best and worst in the world! Well.. mostly worst because of what he did. But then, instead focus on yourself more. maybe treat yourself a reward to a salon because finally you two are no longer together and you are now free from stress! Or try focusing on brand new things like adventure or yoga or stuff that will make you feel good. But the most important thing is that your family and friends are there in your rough times, maybe this is the time that you need to hang with them more often. Remember there's so many fish in the sea. And maybe the person that cheats on you is not the person who is destined for you. But you know someday you will find a person who will love you more, more than you! You just have to believe in Magic. :)
Hope this helps! Love lots, Shaine from Manila, Philippines. xxo

Maria, I think the way people treat you badly says a lot about themselves and nothing about you !!
You should not give back what you were given.
Just smile and walk away. Sounds impossible, but please try. You will feel better.
This may be the biggest pain you can give to those kind of people.
Maren.


I don't believe Einstein meant to ignore the emotion, but to look at it from another perspective.
If you did truly bond with another human being who betrayed you, you are now forced to rethink your position in the relationship. Is it worth investing more time and effort?
You must definitely look inward, and assess why this happened. If you believe it may have been your fault, an alternative response would have been to communicate honestly and openly with your partner. Giving someone their own bitter medicine is not a whole or healthy response. It doesn't serve the greater good, but just perpetuates the pain. For every unkindness we experience from someone else, you can be sure that the universe will correct it. "The universe lets no debt go unpaid."
Therefore, concentrate on healing from this pain, and do your best not to put yourself in that type of a position again. Find where the source of the problem may lie, and turn up the volume so that you can hear or see it clearly. Then, sit with the pain till you resolve it, so that you never have to experience it again. When we identify our pain at the source, we become aware and conscious, and can then heal.
You are meant to give love, be love and receive love. That is the true purpose of humankind's journey. And perhaps this was a lesson to store in your memory for your future relationships, and to be grateful when the next partner is loyal. Frances.

You're angry, hurt and wanting to make the other person feel badly. Don't do it. Dig deep and believe it not, forgive them for their shortcomings and move on. It may take a while for you to heal and that's okay. The person who cheated on you and disrespected you? They're not worth the time in your thoughts or your energies. You're a better person and you deserve someone who will cherish you. Take the time, enjoy your life, and mend your broken heart. There's someone out there just waiting for you to walk into their lives.
Be well. Best to you, Julie.


You can't ignore when someone cheats on you. It's a disrespectful attitude from the person you are with and it hurts a LOT. But I don't think taking revenge would be a good thing for you to do.
First of all, you should clarify the situation. Did your partner cheat only once or it was something common for them to do? Why did they do it: because you two were having trouble in your relationship and they made a stupid mistake, or because they wanted to have fun with someone else and didn't care about you at all?
If it was the first case, maybe you two could work things out after a while (if both of you are willing to give the relationship a second chance and work hard to do that). But if it was the second case, don't waste your time and move on.
When someone hurts you like that, wanting to take revenge is a completely natural reaction. But you would be doing something reprehensible too and would be wasting your time and mental energy on something that WON'T BRING YOU PEACE. Taking revenge will only expose you to situations that will hurt you more.
The only thing you can do to feel better, if you decide to break up or already did, is giving yourself as much time as you need to heal (and your family and friends will support you along the way).
Love from Argentina. Noelia.

To quote Confucius "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves". Revenge is never the answer. I'm not saying you should ignore what happened but you definitely shouldn't lower yourself to the level of the person who cheated on you. Personally I'd have a good talk with this person and immediately end my relationship with him. I know its tough when someone cheats on you, but try to remember that this person isn't worth your time and affection if he finds it necessary to see someone else behind your back! Good luck. Amanda

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



29 August 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

This week I have chosen a question referring to the True Love video's postscript.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 4 September.

Is anything possible?
Tatiana, Indonesia.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.
Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



29 August 2014 / submitted by Heather, United Kingdom
Q.  Hello wise Oracle! So there is this guy (please don't scoff). I was really really really close with this guy at some point. Everyday I would unwind by telling him my feelings and secrets and just everything. Mind you that I am a deeply unhappy person. This person abandoned me and stopped talking to me. I confronted him and asked why and he said he didn't know. Sometimes I feel like it was my fault because I was always talking about negative stuff instead of positive stuff. I've always been a serious person. I was in so much pain when he stopped talking to me. (EDITED) My heart aches everyday and I just don't know what to do. I want to move on but I can't. Please help.
Heather, the email address you gave me isn't working. Please send it again here, as I have written a very lengthy response that I'd like to email to you.



28 August 2014 / submitted by Lucas, France
Q.  Hi
Before the True Love video got released, there was a rumor that the famous choregrapher Blanca Li was going to be involved. Was that indeed the case? Thanks!
I think that may be a typo, but Bianca Li was indeed involved and choreographed the Luminario Ballet dancers.


28 August 2014 / submitted by Sandy, United Kingdom
Q.  Where was the True Love video filmed?
The video was shot at Venice Beach, Los Angeles (California).


28 August 2014 / submitted by Kira, Australia
Q.  Is it wrong to lead a boy on if you don't feel any sparks there, to spare hurting his feelings?
Yes, I think it's wrong! To anyone doing that I challenge you to question if you are really doing it to spare the person's feelings or feeding your own ego. Whatever the reason, stop!


28 August 2014 / submitted by Mary , United States of America
Q.  Hi O,
Is Roadie#42 going to follow me tonight? I hope so!
S,D.
Roadie #42 doesn't have a twitter account so no, I wouldn't think it's possible.
Any tweets purporting to be by Roadie #42 aren't official ones nor is it an official account.



27 August 2014 / submitted by Joelle, Syria
Q.  Hey Oracle so I just watched True Love's music video and I want to know the name of the girl.
Thanks xx
The actor - I believe that's what we call male and female thespians these days - in the True Love video is Jessica Lucas.
I'm not familiar with any of her work but methinks she fits the video well.



27 August 2014 / submitted by Noely, Argentina
Q.  Hi Oracle!
When True Love will be released as single? Or it was released on August 18?
Thanks.
It's already out, Noely. Wikipedia has 14 August as the release date but Anchorman announced here on 4 August that True Love was available to download.


27 August 2014 / submitted by Arthur, United States of America
Q.  Hello Oracle! I am not sure if you already have answered this question but it would be heavily appreciated! Thanks.
On a occasion has Chris or any band member in that case have had to miss or cancel a show because they were too sick?
Yes, there have been shows cancelled due to illness but I haven't got a definitive list of who, when or where. The band do what they can to avoid getting sick on tour but occasionally it does happen.



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