Oracle
30 January 2015 / submitted by Dani, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #202
For all my life, I remember I found love to be the most important thing in our lives. I even thought it was the point of life, and I do not mean it in a mate and reproduce kind of way. I literally thought the point to live was to find our soul mate. Yea, I'm a bit of a romantic. Well, I also believed to be in love with someone you had to feel certain ways. For example: be mesmerized by your partners eyes, be dazed whenever you kiss, and so on. Though, one of the biggest things I believed about true love was that if you are truly in love, you could not thing of another in a romantic way. Having that idea in my head, justified cheating on my previous partners countless times. It meant, to me, that we were not meant to be. At this moment in my, I am currently in a relationship. We entered this relationship on the first day we met in person ( I admit that it was dumb), and it has been six months from then. Now this is where the problem is. I know for a fact I am in love with him, but I must confess I looked at another in the same way. I did not cheat, and I honestly believe that I wouldn't cheat on him. The idea of cheating on him just sounds horrible to me. So I guess the question is: can it be true love even though you glance at another?
So what if you started a relationship on day one? You're still together after 6 months so something's working. Anyway, I may sound contradictory here but bear with me. It's not the same for everyone so everything I say is personal opinion, feelings or experience.
I'm a romantic but I do not believe in The One or soulmates - or rather, I think a soulmate can be any gender and not necessarily someone you're romantically involved with. I now realise that there's also nothing wrong with being single. Better than being in a relationship for the wrong reasons. I agree love is very important but there are various kinds: platonic love, maternal / paternal love etc.
Being in love feels different to loving someone.
When I am in love, I do not look at another. It's like I am wearing blinkers.
If I love someone, I may still admire others' beauty and maybe even think about them inappropriately. I think there's only harm if you want to or intend to act on those feelings.
I personally don't think there is such a thing as "harmless flirting"; if you're in a relationship, I don't think it's healthy.
I should point out that when I was very young, I cheated and although it was never uncovered, it made me reassess what I wanted from life and love. I vowed never to cheat again and never have, never would. I don't condone cheating and do not think it's ever justified. To me it's simple; if you choose to cheat, why not choose to be single instead? You can do what you want without potentially hurting anyone else. As you say, if you cheat it must mean you don't really love that person, right? Not necessarily but it isn't fair to continue. We're human and imperfect but that's not an excuse.
When you're in a relationship, there are sometimes different phases. They say the honeymoon period of the first couple of years, you're madly in love but it settles down after a while and the fireworks stop. I know people who have never felt butterflies when they look at their partner for example. It doesn't mean their love isn't real. We're not all the same.
I like my relationships to stay in the honeymoon phase rather than move into a more comfortable one. I don't think relationships should be too hard but I think effort needs to put in to keep the spark alive, as I like the magical element of intoxicating love. That said, I'm also realistic. I am lucky to have experienced long term honeymoon phases but it can (& they did) end - sometimes unexpectedly - at any time. Like most things, it may not last a lifetime. Love is a bit like a surfer looking to catch a great wave and ride it. You may get none, you may get one, or you may get many but if you get it, enjoy it while it lasts.
If you say you're in love with your boyfriend and you'd never cheat on him, there doesn't appear to be a problem. I can't help think there's something lying underneath for you to ask the question. You should sort of know the right answer for YOU. If I looked at someone else, I'd know I'm not 100% committed to the person but that doesn't mean it's the same for you or anyone else.
Over to you.

It's important to not confuse love with romanticism. True love is acceptance, respect, dedication and a true connection with one another. Our society has a way of leading us to believe that in order to be in love you need to feel and act a certain way, but that doesn't always work for everyone. I believe that when two people are meant to be together their souls will find each other and a connection will be made, that doesn't mean that it will last a lifetime, since people change and sometimes it's healthy to move on when a relationship doesn't work anymore. Only your heart can tell you if it's true love, not the mind, you can't use logic to figure this one out!. There is nothing wrong with looking at another person and finding him/her attractive, that doesn't mean that you are not in love or that you will cheat. When your heart is truly in love, there's no room for disrespect, since hurting your partner would also mean hurting your own self. Adelina.

We all have different outlooks on life and it's truly great that you see life as having a purpose and that you truly believe in wonderful things. I must admit, I'm not one with a bucketload of experience concerning love, but I will certainly do my best to help.
My first impression on reading your question was that perhaps you were not quite ready to settle down in a relationship, however I think you are. We can't hold back on things just because they are difficult or confusing, and the same can be said for this. I think you need to give yourself time to think and truly analyse your situation.
Do you know this other well? If not, I think you should give it time. There's no point rushing into it if this is the case.
Why are you feeling this way? It can be hard to pinpoint this but try your best. Do you love this other because you find them beautiful? Because you get along well? Do you have a unique chemistry? Are they supportive of you or very close in a personal sense? If you're convinced you're in love with this other because they are attractive, though you do not know them, it's probably a good idea to have patience. Think about your current relationship and if you can picture it in 5, 10, 20 years time. Best of luck. Paige.

When you go to some important event, you choose the most beautiful outfit,you put all your efforts to look and feel great. While trying the outfit,may be you like many dresses but you can't try more than one dress or shoes at the same time. Imagine yourself dressed in 2 dresses just because you like them all... It would be ridiculous,right? At the end you choose the one between many that you like because it suits you the best. That's how I find cheating. Like going on a big event in 2 beautiful dresses and shoes,but looking like a fool. If you have that romantic approach to love, go for it. I think that you can find him and feel what you wrote about, but without testing and exploring every man and chance that you get, especially not by cheating or even glancing. Go for it by being quiet and alone for awhile, meet yourself and your emotions. Although I considered love to be just what you said, I realised that love was decision in my head. I decided that I wanted to find "the one", right for me. Not that I couldn't be with or like many men, but I set a goal to find the one that suits me the best, like a right dress. First step is to know yourself and your deepest meaning, to grow your talents and wisdom, to learn how to live on your own and to have eyes wide open. Finally, there's also an interesting quote: "Dance with God, He'll let the right man to cut in." Wish you that man some day! Kamili.

Right, to start this off, I always believed that love, like many things, comes with time. Lots, of time. Being with your partner for one week and not feeling like you love them is okay and is in no way an excuse to cheat. Just like it takes time for you to love your partner, it will take time for them to love you. Maybe it won't be at the same time, but it eventually happens. Now finding other people attractive is fine, loving someone doesn't ruin your "attractive radar" but it just means only that, finding them attractive. Heck, my parents used to sit in front of the T.V and rate actors and actresses according to how attractive they find them! Its fine as long as it doesn't affect your relationship or your appreciation for one another. Take your time, love and be loyal to your partner. You can tell him that you love him, just choose the right time and conditions to tell him (eg, don't choose a time when you're fighting). I hope you all the best of luck! Love, Solaf.

You were right, Love is the most important thing in life. But not specifically romantically speaking. You have to put Love in all of your actions, towards anybody - do everything with Love and for Love.
On a relationship point of view, you definitely have soul mates but you also have friend and family soul mates. Then there are soul mates with whom you can choose to start a great romantic relationship with. But basically true love is about loving unconditionally and not asking anything from your partner - just love him/her as he/she is. Don't blame the other one when there's something wrong and try to understand him/her. Some people will definitely make you feel special sometimes, but it doesn't mean that this will be more special with that person, sometimes you're just feeling an energy connection but it doesn't mean that the person will be better for you. Get to know him/her better first. In my opinion feeling something strong and unique is essential, but you also have to really fall in love with the person, with every part of him/her and see the true wonder inside of that person. And if your relationship is really based on true unconditional love then you won't especially want to go find something more in someone else. If you don't love the person you're with truly for what he/she is, try to understand what you don't like at first or you'll find somebody that will suit you better.
Never lose your faith - true love does exist but it is not that easy, you also have your part to play.
With Love, Chloe.


I think it's important to remember that love is influenced not only by emotions within the spirit, but also by a very powerful mixture of physical brain chemicals. Our physical bodies are created to function in a way that perpetuates reproduction, so yes, you can be completely in love with someone, yet still be attracted to another. I would guess that our physical bodies weren't originally created for monogamy. Being attracted to someone other than your love is nothing to be alarmed about. It doesn't make you less in love. It makes you human. What you do with those feelings is what really matters.
I don't think that your rationale for cheating/not cheating is productive because with the chemicals at work in your brain, you would find yourself never able to be in a monogamous relationship because the brain is going to function as its created to function. Only your will can supersede its impulses to stray.
My best, Miranda.

This is a hard question, from all the points of view, but not impossible.
I have to be honest and say that I've never been in a situation like this, maybe because I've only loved once in my whole life and I don't think I'll love anyone else too soon.
Just like you, I am a romantic as well. I still dream that prince charming will come and save me and we'll live happily ever after.
Your situation is delicate, but love is the most important thing in the whole world.
Why?
Cause if there wouldn't be love, there wouldn't be anything. And now to answer your question, no, I don't think you love your lover less if you look at others. We are allowed to look, but look from a certain distance. Now, I don't know your loved one, but I think you should both talk about this. Honesty comes first in a relationship and it should always be first thing to talk about. And if you love each other, then you'll accept each other no matter what, cause that's love, loving someone without any conditions.
From your words I can see that you love your lover dearly and that's beautiful and I wish you to be happy and I really hope I helped!!
Lots of love from Romania!!
Madalina.


The advice I have for you is short, sweet and to the point.
"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second." Johnny Depp.
Take this as you wish
Greetings from United Kingdom
Gene.

There's nothing wrong with being a romantic. I agree with you that love is an important aspect of our lives, but love comes in many shapes and forms. Some people fall in love instantly and feel all those feelings you described, others may need more time for their love to grow. When you've just started a relationship with someone you're in love and you feel dazed and mesmerised, but after a while these feelings get less intense and you'll reach a new phase in your relationship. That doesn't mean you don't love your partner anymore though, it just means you've learned to love him/her in a different and more permanent way. Not under any circumstances do I believe its alright to cheat on your partner. If you fall in love with someone else, thats fine, but first end things with your current partner before moving on. Have you ever seen how men and women, even when they're married, sometimes stare at an attractive man/woman when he/she walks by? There's absolutely nothing wrong about looking at someone else and acknowledging you feel attracted towards this person and/or appreciate their looks. But that doesn't mean you should act on those feelings or are better off starting a relationship with that person.So yes, it can still be (true) love. Good luck! Amanda.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



30 January 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 5 February.

My girlfriend has broken up with me. Coldplay's music was always very special for our relationship. As I won't stop fighting for her, I am willing to do everything for us. As she keeps on blocking me, I need to do something special for her to show her that I really need her.
Thanking you so much in advance!
Michael, UK.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.
Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



29 January 2015 / submitted by Mac, New Zealand
Q.  At the end of the DVD Live 2012, after the credits, an audio clip of Chris is heard. He is talking about how great it would be if chocolate buttons were good for you. Was this impromptu or staged, and was it done just for the film or was it recorded earlier?

Thanks
Mac
Nothing about that was scripted, planned or staged in advance. That's not to say it was intended for the film but as you can imagine, a lot of footage was shot and with the cameras rolling, all sorts of stuff was captured.
Luckily for you, I happen to know how the chocolate buttons clip came about as told by the director, Paul Dugdale.
"We did the interviews all over the world. A couple were in London, we did some more in Chicago, and some at the bakery at their HQ in London. We were just sat there, and he had some Buttons, and then we finished, and then he just had one. There was no method to that bit, that just happened."



29 January 2015 / submitted by Karolyn, Ecuador
Q.  Hello:)
The other day I was playing this game called Fill Me Coldplay Edition, where you have to guess the Coldplay song. But the song title "Xandy" came out and I have never heard about this song. Is that really a Coldplay song? Thanks, love you.
This is sort of a lost in translation question. It's not a song title like Xanadu; someone forgot the spaces. The answer is X and Y though the song (and album it's taken from) is actually with an ampersand, not the word and: X&Y.


28 January 2015 / submitted by Tom , United States of America
Q.  I stumbled across a video from 2005 in Toronto of an acoustic session of Chris and Jonny for the radio station The Edge. In it a man said he was being charged with a felony for blocking the sidewalk without a permit. Could you elaborate or explain what happened that day?
If memory serves me correctly, when the guys played at The Edge, so many people turned up that the pavement became inaccessible - that was what the felony related to. I seem to recall the studio had a glass front so people outside could see in and the crowd didn't move once the first few were let in to the session.
Oh and as if by magic, I found the video clip of it.



28 January 2015 / submitted by Jake, United States of America
Q.  Why do you answer questions that are easily "googleable" instead of answering bizarre/ original/ questions with no answer online?
Like this one? Ha ha, sorry - couldn't resist. You could argue that the blame lies equally between myself and the question asker.
If people choose to ask me rather than Google, I can choose to honour their faith in me by answering. I'm a bit like Wikipedia though and sometimes get it wrong...



27 January 2015 / submitted by Callum , United Kingdom
Q.  Heyy Oracle,

I seem to remember around the time X & Y came out I saw a music video about two manakins, one a man and one a women and one of them was "fixing" the other. I'm sure I can remember it being for Fix You but obviously it's not the official video. I was wondering if it's maybe a video used by music channels before the release of the official video or if it is for a completely different song?
Thanks in advance
Callum.
I've never heard of any other video for Fix You than the one we all know and love (& as I have mentioned before, I am in). Quite a few mannequin music videos exist (like daft Punk's Instant Crush) but as you think it's around X&Y, that does narrow it down somewhat. I'm not convinced it's Heavy on My Heart by Anastacia though it fits the time frame. If anyone thinks they know, feel free to drop me a line.


27 January 2015 / submitted by Jessica, South Africa
Q.  Has Coldplay ever played in South Africa?
Yes, back in 2011 they performed in Johannesburg and Cape Town.


26 January 2015 / submitted by Alejandro, Mexico
Q.  Oracle Hello!
I'm a big fan of Coldplay and a long time ago I read that the main influence of Chris is Travis. My question is:
Ever Chris or the band has done some cover Travis at some concert or recording?
Thank you.
Alex.
There are a couple of Travis links that will make you happy, Alejandro.
Not only was Chris a fan of the band and influenced by them when Coldplay started but it was reciprocated. In fact, Fran Healy plugged Coldplay to a tastemaker at a high profile radio station when Travis were touring the States.
Also, at the T in the Park festival in 2011, Chris sang a line from Why Does It Always Rain On Me? It was a fitting nod given that both the festival and Travis are Scottish - plus it almost always rains at T in the Park hence Chris changing the lyrics to Why Does It Always Rain On T?



26 January 2015 / submitted by Victoria, Lithuania
Q.  Hello! Can you share your best moments of being Oracle?
I have to say hand on my heart that some of the amazing responses from people who submit to Team Oracle really are special. To add to that, when someone writes to say thank you for the advice that people have taken the time to write is also pretty heartwarming.



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